(Part III of "Guarding the Fort")
The Srimad Bhagavatam states that when a man is attracted by his wife, a favorable mental condition is created for the time of conception. In ordinary circumstances also, a husband may feel in this way satisfied and inspired to properly execute his responsibilities.
"This is the nice arrangement. This is cooperation. A woman agrees that, 'I shall serve you,' because the man requires woman's service in so many ways... cooking, by her embracing, by her becoming beautiful, so many ways. That is the encouragement so that he can work, he can live peacefully, he can discharge spiritual duties nicely. So there is cooperation. Stri-purusa. Purusa is supposed to be enjoyer, but both their lives become sublime when there is cooperation." -CC Adi 7.108 lecture 2/18/67, San Francisco
There appears to be a spiritual counterpart akin to this phenomena:
"The joy of the gopis lies in the joy of their beloved Krishna. When Lord Krishna sees the gopis, His joy increases, and His unparalleled sweetness increases also.
[The gopis think:] 'Krishna has obtained so much pleasure by seeing me.' That thought increases the fullness and beauty of their faces and bodies. And the beauty of Lord Krishna increases at the sight of the beauty of the gopis. And the more the gopis see Lord Krishna's beauty, the more their beauty increases. In this way a competition takes place between them in which no one acknowledges defeat." --from Ädi 4.187-194
In other words, when a wife takes her duties seriously to please the husband, he feels inspired to reciprocate, to do his part, and vice versa. Those duties include keeping herself attractive for her partner.
"It is the duty of the wife to dress herself up very nicely so that when her husband returns home he becomes attracted by her dress and cleanliness and thus becomes satisfied. In other words, the wife is the inspiration of all good intelligence. Upon seeing one's wife dressed nicely, one can think very soberly about family business." --SB 4.27.2p
"Dressed nicely" doesn't have to be expensive or fancy either. At least it should be clean, in good condition, and most importantly - feminine. Of course, the word feminine may have become confusing nowadays, but one helpful rule is this: "Don't wear anything that a man would wear." Saris are especially flattering and come in a wide variety of colors and patterns. Various ornaments, especially those of a married woman such as conchshell bracelets and her wedding tika, and the wearing of flowers in the hair and or flower garland around her neck are also very charming.
Yet, that feminine attire will not be complete until one acquires a feminine manner. There are many good and bad examples to study in this regard- how to walk, speak, move gracefully and behave like a lady. Furthermore, a married woman is advised never to cut her hair. An interesting reason given is that "it shortens the husband's life". Besides the fact that it is much more attractive to a man and definitely more feminine than short hair- yogis are known to lose their power when the hair is cut. Similarly, it's been advised that chaste women (who are extremely powerful yoginis over time) keep the hair tied up (except when sleeping or bathing, or during menstruation, etc.) and uncut for the same reason- so not to lose that strength or power of tapasya. And a powerful woman, as mentioned in the beginning of this post, gives strength to a man. Thus he does not lose his "life", his vitality.
ENCOURAGING MASCULINE PROTECTION
We know that today "the strong independent woman" sterotype is constantly being preached to us in the media, but that's not what makes a man feel needed, what makes him feel like a man. No, it is actually quite a different story. It's when he feels her dependence on him that awakens his sense of chivalry, and that dependence is another important aspect for acquiring a feminine manner.
There are little ways to encourage this masculine protection in this gender phobic world, such as grabbing your husband's arm when you have reason to feel afraid, letting your husband open that stuck jar for you, open doors for you, lift heavy things for you and doing the more difficult chores around the house.
Of course, there are no hard and fast rules about this. One may actually like knowing how to fix things, for example, and often spend time watching her husband how to do it. He likes showing off his skills as well. Otherwise, if she ever gets stuck with a task more suitable for a man, she can do it in a manner that will invoke manly assistance.
"MEN WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE"
For a serious woman devotee, the above suggestions don't have to mean forgetfulness of her real position. Everything may be done with detachment within and dependence on Krishna. And this is perhaps the most important element of attraction she may have. Instead of overly dependent or annoyingly helpless, she is always thinking of Krishna, the supreme husband.
Kardama Muni was an example of this detachment which so intrigued Devahuti when she first saw him. Instead of an over-attached Romeo, she had a sage that functioned like any other man, but who had a mysterious demeanor about him that was all-attractive: "It appears that Kardama Muni was fully absorbed in Krishna consciousness because as soon as he became silent, he at once began to think of Lord Vishnu. That is the way of Krishna consciousness. Pure devotees are so absorbed in thought of Krishna that they have no other engagement; although they may seem to think or act otherwise, they are always thinking of Krishna. The smile of such a Krishna conscious person is so attractive that simply by smiling he wins so many admirers, disciples and followers." (SB 3.22.2p) SB 3.23.38 further states, "Though seemingly attached to his beloved consort while served by the Gandharva girls, the sage did not lose his glory, which was mastery over his self." Krishna consciousness gives internally dynamic, spiritual opulence desired by everyone.
Bhismadeva and also Maharaja Pariksit, too, set the example of detachment amidst worldly affairs. Although apparently absorbed in their prescribed duties, they did not forget their primary duty, to cultivate their love for Krishna. Thus when death approached, their real glory was revealed. They immediately were able to drop all material concerns and remain fully fixed upon the lotus feet of the Lord.
We can learn to do our part as our service to Krishna, cultivating both goodness and charm, being not just dutiful but beautiful, too, for our husbands' pleasure. And where there is that attachment for Krishna's service, there is detachment and protection from maya.
"He (Manu) performed his duties perfectly according to the materialistic way. That is the way of behavior of great devotees. Srila Raghunätha däsa Gosvämi, one of the direct disciples of Lord Caitanya, was the son of a very rich man. Although he had no interest in enjoying material happiness, when he was entrusted with doing something in managing the state, he did it perfectly. Lord Gaurasundara advised him, 'From within, keep yourself and your mind completely aloof, but externally execute the material duties just as they need to be done.'” SB 4.12.14
The Srimad Bhagavatam states that when a man is attracted by his wife, a favorable mental condition is created for the time of conception. In ordinary circumstances also, a husband may feel in this way satisfied and inspired to properly execute his responsibilities.
"This is the nice arrangement. This is cooperation. A woman agrees that, 'I shall serve you,' because the man requires woman's service in so many ways... cooking, by her embracing, by her becoming beautiful, so many ways. That is the encouragement so that he can work, he can live peacefully, he can discharge spiritual duties nicely. So there is cooperation. Stri-purusa. Purusa is supposed to be enjoyer, but both their lives become sublime when there is cooperation." -CC Adi 7.108 lecture 2/18/67, San Francisco
There appears to be a spiritual counterpart akin to this phenomena:
"The joy of the gopis lies in the joy of their beloved Krishna. When Lord Krishna sees the gopis, His joy increases, and His unparalleled sweetness increases also.
[The gopis think:] 'Krishna has obtained so much pleasure by seeing me.' That thought increases the fullness and beauty of their faces and bodies. And the beauty of Lord Krishna increases at the sight of the beauty of the gopis. And the more the gopis see Lord Krishna's beauty, the more their beauty increases. In this way a competition takes place between them in which no one acknowledges defeat." --from Ädi 4.187-194
In other words, when a wife takes her duties seriously to please the husband, he feels inspired to reciprocate, to do his part, and vice versa. Those duties include keeping herself attractive for her partner.
"It is the duty of the wife to dress herself up very nicely so that when her husband returns home he becomes attracted by her dress and cleanliness and thus becomes satisfied. In other words, the wife is the inspiration of all good intelligence. Upon seeing one's wife dressed nicely, one can think very soberly about family business." --SB 4.27.2p"Dressed nicely" doesn't have to be expensive or fancy either. At least it should be clean, in good condition, and most importantly - feminine. Of course, the word feminine may have become confusing nowadays, but one helpful rule is this: "Don't wear anything that a man would wear." Saris are especially flattering and come in a wide variety of colors and patterns. Various ornaments, especially those of a married woman such as conchshell bracelets and her wedding tika, and the wearing of flowers in the hair and or flower garland around her neck are also very charming.
Yet, that feminine attire will not be complete until one acquires a feminine manner. There are many good and bad examples to study in this regard- how to walk, speak, move gracefully and behave like a lady. Furthermore, a married woman is advised never to cut her hair. An interesting reason given is that "it shortens the husband's life". Besides the fact that it is much more attractive to a man and definitely more feminine than short hair- yogis are known to lose their power when the hair is cut. Similarly, it's been advised that chaste women (who are extremely powerful yoginis over time) keep the hair tied up (except when sleeping or bathing, or during menstruation, etc.) and uncut for the same reason- so not to lose that strength or power of tapasya. And a powerful woman, as mentioned in the beginning of this post, gives strength to a man. Thus he does not lose his "life", his vitality.
ENCOURAGING MASCULINE PROTECTION
We know that today "the strong independent woman" sterotype is constantly being preached to us in the media, but that's not what makes a man feel needed, what makes him feel like a man. No, it is actually quite a different story. It's when he feels her dependence on him that awakens his sense of chivalry, and that dependence is another important aspect for acquiring a feminine manner.
There are little ways to encourage this masculine protection in this gender phobic world, such as grabbing your husband's arm when you have reason to feel afraid, letting your husband open that stuck jar for you, open doors for you, lift heavy things for you and doing the more difficult chores around the house.
Of course, there are no hard and fast rules about this. One may actually like knowing how to fix things, for example, and often spend time watching her husband how to do it. He likes showing off his skills as well. Otherwise, if she ever gets stuck with a task more suitable for a man, she can do it in a manner that will invoke manly assistance."MEN WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE"
For a serious woman devotee, the above suggestions don't have to mean forgetfulness of her real position. Everything may be done with detachment within and dependence on Krishna. And this is perhaps the most important element of attraction she may have. Instead of overly dependent or annoyingly helpless, she is always thinking of Krishna, the supreme husband.
Kardama Muni was an example of this detachment which so intrigued Devahuti when she first saw him. Instead of an over-attached Romeo, she had a sage that functioned like any other man, but who had a mysterious demeanor about him that was all-attractive: "It appears that Kardama Muni was fully absorbed in Krishna consciousness because as soon as he became silent, he at once began to think of Lord Vishnu. That is the way of Krishna consciousness. Pure devotees are so absorbed in thought of Krishna that they have no other engagement; although they may seem to think or act otherwise, they are always thinking of Krishna. The smile of such a Krishna conscious person is so attractive that simply by smiling he wins so many admirers, disciples and followers." (SB 3.22.2p) SB 3.23.38 further states, "Though seemingly attached to his beloved consort while served by the Gandharva girls, the sage did not lose his glory, which was mastery over his self." Krishna consciousness gives internally dynamic, spiritual opulence desired by everyone.
Bhismadeva and also Maharaja Pariksit, too, set the example of detachment amidst worldly affairs. Although apparently absorbed in their prescribed duties, they did not forget their primary duty, to cultivate their love for Krishna. Thus when death approached, their real glory was revealed. They immediately were able to drop all material concerns and remain fully fixed upon the lotus feet of the Lord.
Futhermore, in the material world women dress themselves and behave charmingly to exploit a man, but that same charm may be utilized to help him remain peaceful in household life for the sake of spiritual progress.
We can learn to do our part as our service to Krishna, cultivating both goodness and charm, being not just dutiful but beautiful, too, for our husbands' pleasure. And where there is that attachment for Krishna's service, there is detachment and protection from maya.
"He (Manu) performed his duties perfectly according to the materialistic way. That is the way of behavior of great devotees. Srila Raghunätha däsa Gosvämi, one of the direct disciples of Lord Caitanya, was the son of a very rich man. Although he had no interest in enjoying material happiness, when he was entrusted with doing something in managing the state, he did it perfectly. Lord Gaurasundara advised him, 'From within, keep yourself and your mind completely aloof, but externally execute the material duties just as they need to be done.'” SB 4.12.14