Yogesvara: But today there seem to be so few qualified husbands.
Prabhupada: Because you do not train the boys to be qualified. You train them to become debauch. What can be done? You train them from brahmacari, then they’ll be responsible husbands. Both the girls and the boys should be trained up. Then they’ll be responsible husband and wife and live peacefully. In their young days, if you give them freedom, they’ll spoil. What can be done? Young, youthful days, if you give them full freedom, they’ll be misguided and spoiled.
Translator: She’s asking that since in these Western countries the families are so broken up and the women sometimes cannot find a qualified husband, what should she do?
Prabhupada: That, here is the society. You train them. You have got all children. You train them in that way, so that... Whatever is done is done. Now you can make very good society, Krishna conscious society. Not that one mistake has been done, you should continue. Rectify it." - varnasrama lecture, 8/3/76 Paris
PRABHUPADA ENCOURAGED FIRST CLASS CHILDREN
"It is the duty of the father to raise his children first-class. Otherwise he should not become a father. " rm conversation, 7/5/75, Chicago
"Brahmänanda: It is a fact that woman has been exploited by the men. So now they want to counteract this.
Prabhupäda: No, we don't say that woman should be exploited by men. We say the man should be responsible and give protection to woman.
Brahmänanda: But they feel so angry from the exploitation that they cannot accept that actually a man could protect them.
Prabhupäda: That is bad experience. But the ideal is different. Ideal is that man must be first-class and he must be responsible to take care of the woman, and she should be given all protection, all necessities. That is the duty of man" - rm conversation, 7/9/75, Chicago
PREPARING OUR SONS
BRAHMACARYA
“Brahmacari means complete celibacy. No sex life, no amusements. Because just to train him not to be attracted by this material sense enjoyment. Then he’ll be able to grasp what is spiritual life.” Bg 2.40-45 lecture, LA
“If semen is not discharged unnecessarily, one becomes extremely strong in memory, determination, activity and the vitality of one’s bodily energy. Everyone should also be taught to be simple in thought and feeling and satisfied in body and mind. “SB7.11.8
Siddha-svarüpa: Yes. And they’re (the Chinese) very strong on celibacy because he said that the.... If a person loses semen or if they masturbate or if they unnecessarily use their sexual energy, they’ll go insane. Their brains will become very weak, and physically they’ll become very weak.
Prabhupäda: Yes. That is a fact.
“If one remains brahmacari, he becomes determined. His brain becomes very receptive. Therefore, in the brahmacari system, complete celibacy, no connection with woman. So up to twenty-five years, if he does not discharge semen, he becomes very stout, strong, and his health is built up for whole life, and he becomes so intelligent that anything he will hear, he will remember immediately. “--SB 2.3.19 lecture
“So if one remains brahmacäri throughout the whole life it becomes very easy for him to go back to home, back to Godhead. This is the secret. Therefore the whole Vedic civilization is based on first of all brahmacäri, no sex life. Grhastha, that is also very regulated.” Bg 7.1 lecture
Brahmacarya is taught during the stage of student life, so that one is able to study withour distraction. And the knowledge gained from study in youth leaves lifelong impressions.
THE EIGHT RULES OF BRAHMACARYA (SB 6.1.13-14)
One should not:
think of women,
speak about sex life,
dally with women (this includes on the Internet and TV)
look lustfully at women
talk intimately with women
or decide to engage in sexual intercourse,
nor should one endeavor for sex life
or engage in sex life.
RESPECT FOR WOMEN
The mentality should be to protect rather than to exploit or even hate women or girls. Boys should be trained to behave respectfully around them. This is Krishna conscious and real love. One can be kind towards the opposite sex, but at the same time aloof to avoid entanglement. This also includes kindness toward, but also avoiding intimate connection with anyone who is attached to women in regards to talking about them, dallying with them, etc.
All this is a lot easier to instill if a boy is lucky enough to have had a loving mother at home during his formative years. Respect for all womankind will surely be a lot easier for him when he is grown.
MY MOTHER
I have the finest mother
That any boy could have;
She cleanses all my scratches,
And binds them up with salve.
She fixes all my clothes,
And doesn’t mind at all
If I’ve torn my shirt
Or outgrown it ‘cause I’m tall.
She helps me with my lessons,
And takes the greatest pain
To be sure I understand them,
And my interest doesn’t wane.
She welcomes all my friends,
And lets us use her stuff;
Poppin’ corn and makin’ candy,
Till we’ve had enough.
She teaches me of God,
And helps me understand
The way to live to gain
A home in heaven’s land.
No, I wouldn’t trade my mother
For all the jewels on earth;
‘Cause there is no way to tell,
What an awful lots she’s worth.
--author unknown
Of course, mothers should be behave in a way worthy of such regard. For example- if a son must be corrected, it should be done respectfully, not raising the voice or using harsh, offensive speech or facial expressions to get his attention. A man’s dealing with his son’s behavior may be a little heavier if necessary. Boys need that just as much, but not from their mothers. A good example in this regard is the mother of Radheya in Mahabharata, Radha.
ADDRESSING ALL WOMEN AS MATAJI/MOTHER
Prabhupada wanted all boys to be trained to address women as "mother" or "mataji", since respecting a woman like one's godly mother is actually the highest honor one could confer on a woman. Not only is it honorific, but has an healthy affectionate connotation which makes it especially worthy of use.
"So in India, especially, women are still respected. Therefore Cänakya Pandita says, mätrvat para-däresu: 'Any woman who is not your wife, she should be treated as your mother.' This is moral instruction. Mätrvat. At the present moment, they have invented the word bahinaji, sister.' No. In the Vedic culture, there is no such thing as 'sister.' 'Mother,' that is Vedic culture. Because mother is always respected, so any woman, if she is called 'Mother...' The brahmacäri would go to the householder's house and address the ladies, 'Mother. Mother, give us some alms.' So from the childhood, a brahmacäri is trained to address all women as mother. Therefore, when they are young, they cannot see women in any other way. This is Vedic culture." -SB 1.8.24 lecture, 10/4/74, Mayapur
Prabhupada also said, “No need to use the woman’s name. We do not call mother by name. Simply 'Mother' that’s all.”
KRISHNA IS THE PROPRIETOR OF EVERY WOMAN
"Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura sums it up in a very beautiful way. He says: ‘The attractions for a woman or lust for a woman is not your business, because the proprietor of all women is Krsna.’"
DON'T BE A "BACHELOR DADDY"
“No illicit sex. That is not allowed. Bachelor daddy is not allowed. That is very dangerous.” --SB 3.26.2 lecture, 12/14/74, Bombay
DUTIES FOR SONS
A son should behave respectfully towards his parents, representatives of the Supreme Lord, with a humble service mood.
A good son can save his father from hellish life, especially if he becomes a devotee of the Lord.
In the absence of his father, a son should take care of his mother. A father feels much relief when his responsibilities can be entrusted to a worthy son(s).
An eldest son may inherit his father’s property, because he has more responsibilities.
PRACTICAL SKILLS
Prabhupada: Formerly it was done so. The vaiçyas, they have got a son, goes to a shopkeeper: "Please here let my son work with you. He doesn't want any salary." So he gets engagement. Then, by seeing, seeing, he becomes little important. And the proprietor gives him some hand expense. And then, one day, he becomes very expert. He starts his own business. That was the system. Why he should go and waste time for education? A boy is given to a carpenter. He learns very easily. A weaver, he learns very easily. A shopkeeper, grocer, he learns very easily. That is education. Why he should waste time for academic education and create unemployment? -Conversation 6/4/77, Vrndavana
UNDERSTANDING THE PURPOSE OF LIFE
Boys generally should have some arrangement for a wife, for their protection also. Ideally, the father of a prospective bride will approach a young man's parents (or directly the man) instead of vice versa such as in the example of Kardama Muni. Then a boy is protected from acting independently. Instead of becoming disappointed as is the result of acting for personal sense gratification, he can find real happiness from doing the duties entrusted to him.
The purpose of household life should be understood. It can be facility for sense gratification or a service to Krishna involving sacrifice and purification. Sex desire is inevitable, so it must be understood along with the purpose of the grhastha asrama and thus controlled. This is very important, stressed by Srila Prabhupada numerous times, because celibacy helps one make rapid spiritual advancement.
"When a man becomes qualitatively like the cats and dogs, he forgets his duties in cultivating spiritual values, and thus he accepts his wife as a sense gratificatory agency. When the wife is accepted as a sense gratificatory agency, personal beauty is the main consideration, and as soon as there is a break in personal sense gratification, there is disruption or divorce. But when husband and wife aim at spiritual advancement by mutual cooperation, there is no consideration of personal beauty or the disruption of so-called love. In the material world there is no question of love. Marriage is actually a duty performed in mutual cooperation as directed in the authoritative scriptures for spiritual advancement. Therefore marriage is essential in order to avoid the life of cats and dogs, who are not meant for spiritual enlightenment."
In the meantime, a young man should develop his skills, but most of all cultivate his Krishna consciousness thus enabling him to perhaps skip family life and all its encumbrances altogether.
PREPARING OUR DAUGHTERS
Yet, we should also be careful to not make a daughter wait too long. It is shocking how long some Christian, Muslim and Hindu parents now force their faithful daughters to wait, also often wasting time with mundane education rather than practical skills.
In the meantime, a beloved daughter may be devoted to her father and accept training from her mother. She can be taught that a good woman is not cheap, but must be maintained and protected. At the same time she should be made to realize that in Vedic society, too, different classes of women have always existed. Some observed strict parda or separation of the sexes while others were destined to work alongside men. At the present time, however, more girls than ever before are being trained, usually unknowingly, as public women and prostitutes. It may outwardly appear to be something as innocent as a youth group or a coed bus tour, but due to ignorance, desperation or out of practical necessity, they have been pushed to study, work and mingle alongside men, and in many cases they dress inappropriately.
Yet, young ladies can be made aware that this has never been the case for every young woman, nor does it have to be.
Similarly, it must be understood by her that for everyone in every status there is no bar for becoming Krishna conscious. Devotional service to the Lord is uncheckable in all circumstances. Pride, on the other hand, from thinking one is better than the women who may appear not as fortunate or lack good training or protection, would be a serious impediment. Help her to develop compassion and other good qualities and exemplary behavior, by following the bhakti yoga process.
PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW FOR MORE ON:
Preparing Our Daughters