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Thursday, July 30, 2009

When Life Hands You Lemons...


...Make lemonade!

INGREDIENTS:
8 cups water
1 c sugar, mishri or turbinado sugar
3/4-1 c lemon juice

DIRECTIONS:
1. Boil the sugar and 1 cup of the water together until the sugar dissolves.
2. Strain through a clean cloth if you are using mishri.
3. Slice and squeeze out the lemon juice to add to the sugar solution.I use a colander to strain the lemon seeds while squeezing. Or use a manual juicer.
4. Add the remaining water and stir. Offer to Krishna chilled.

VARIATIONS: Try ginger syrup . Another addition commonly used is mint leaves or

A FENNEL REFRESHER:
Add four teaspoons of freshly ground roasted fennel seeds to the boiled sugar syrup and allow to cool. Add remaining water and the lemon juice if desire. Strain before offering

Saturday, July 25, 2009

"I Was a Guru Groupie"

"My Guru Maharaja is so awesome!" "He is the greatest." "He's in Chile right now." "I can't wait for his return!" At first one may appreciate this pretty young lady's excitement at the preaching center where she was serving her spiritual master, that is, until she continued to speak in that manner, not just one day but every day and often in front of her husband, who seemed to just quietly stand in the background. At one point, while noticing her chatting excitedly with her guru on the phone, one might begin to wonder if her husband got that much attention from her, and whether he ever felt neglected, since their home life appeared to be practically nonexistent. Of course, the motives on her part must have been totally naive, but this entire scene was not without dangers.

Then there's the example of a woman who was very happy when her friends invited her to accompany them to see her guru maharaja who was visiting their nearby temple. Around the same time, however, her husband had become ill and was confined to his bed. She finally decided she'd go to the evening program, and on the way home she could pick up the medicine he very much needed.

Unfortunately for her, she became so carried away by the ecstasy of seeing her GM that afterwards she completely forgot about the medicine. It wasn't until the next morning she remembered it- after her husband's discomfort and temperature had risen enough to require hospitalization. It was then that she asked herself- "If this had been my GM, would i have neglected him so badly?"

Another incident was a lady devotee who was able to arrange a fine car when her guru came to visit, but failed to arrange a cup of milk when her husband apparently wanted some attention from his wife very much.

And then another married woman, who could relate to the above, shared this story:

"I was so excited to meet my spiritual master that around the time of my initiation, even the bullfrog outside my window was chanting, 'Jaya Guru!', "'Jaya Guru!', 'Jaya Guru!'... I aspired to visit my beloved savior every chance I got, thinking about how to take over his most important servants' services, perhaps cook for him, clean his room, do his laundry, dreaming up all sorts of activities...

"Suddenly, my life as a householder became very dissatisfying. I began wishing I could give it up altogether, living instead in the woman's asrama at the temple my spiritual master frequented the most; living a hassle free life that revolved around meetings with him...

"For a short confused while, I caught myself thinking more like a guru groupie than a disciple. And even though I knew I shouldn't, I found myself comparing my GM with my husband. At first, it seemed like comparing a shining moon with a flickering star.
                                           
"I started to reason with myself, however, that in the absolute sense, my husband was just as praiseworthy. There were so many services he had rendered for years and years, surrendering his life to the service of his spiritual master Srila Prabhupada and the Hare Krishna movement. I recalled more than a few times in which he even risked his life to protect devotees.

"With these thoughts, I quickly settled my mind once again and better took to heart the warning in the Caitanya Bhagavata, 'Some persons, trying to compare Vaisnavas, calling one a bigger Vaisnava then the other, commit a grave blunder for which they will soon suffer.' (M 22)

"Amazingly, my guru maharaja understood. The next time he saw me - all wrapped up in my new found zeal as his ardent follower- he very soberly instructed me, with a deep fatherly look in his eyes, 'Take care of your husband.'

"And this instruction I have been trying to follow ever since."

LATER NOTE:
 The following is a response to a long email questioning this post. A writer asked, in a nutshell, "Why would a woman behave this way if she felt loved and honored by her husband?".

One answer is that every relationship has its up and downs and anyone who feels loved and honored by her husband at all times is probably not even real.

But that's not all.

At the same time, in our Hare Krishna movement, we are hearing daily from sastra in various ways that the goal of life is not marital happiness and how we must eventually be fully detached from such so-called love of husband and family and home in order to be fully Krishna conscious.

What gets even more tricky, however, is that unless someone has heard for a long time and has the full picture of what renunciation really means, they may become bewildered when they witness in our present ISKCON society that the majority of women leaders have externally renounced their husbands and seemingly are at an advantage spiritually, over women who have not. 

So this was written just to caution less experienced women because when inevitable difficulties come up in a marriage, it's natural that a wife will experience thoughts like "Why not just quit and give up the husband the way our women leaders do?"

Such is the power of association.

Especially in places where it appears all her needs are taken care of by a well-to-do guru. No more cooking to do or bills to pay or working hard just to survive or no more association with a "less advanced" spouse. Just preach and travel and have a good time. Go on parikrama and associate with the advanced senior men and so on and so on. It looks appealing to the less intelligent or the lazy person or the person who is misinformed or immature about spiritual life.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: You Want Some Tapasya? Stay Married

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Don't Be a Banyan Tree


Once upon a time, a friend explained to me a useful teaching. She said that if a spiritual master gives an order and the disciple does not immediately move from the spot to execute it, it is better that he take birth as an immovable banyan tree. I decided to apply this to the husband wife relationship as well. Thus a new sutra was formed- "Don't be... a banyan tree". It keeps me alert for the proper execution of my husband's daily requests. Here are some things that I try to observe in this regard:

PROMPT SERVICE
Number one is to come quickly whenever prabhu calls. Not that I wait around for him to come and find me. That isn't how we should treat anyone in the position of authority, according to Vaisnava etiquette. Instead I should drop whatever I am doing, and after his request is given, try to carry it out asap. That means being interruptible, available, and always prepared (That's every good girl scout's motto right? "Be prepared.").

A couple examples may be:
Typing from dictation a business letter he needs mailed that afternoon.
Bringing a tool he might need while fixing a light switch.
Helping him find the verse he needs for his next Srimad Bhagavatam class..

LONG TERM REQUESTS
Some requests require long term memory more than others. So not to forget these,  I like to make a little list for a quick review now. It may include something like:
Warning him whenever his milk is very hot!
Keeping the front entry way to the house clutter free.
Making sure sons bring in the garbage can immediately after the sanitation men empty it.
Restocking the kitchen before he cooks his regular offering.

PERSONAL PREFERENCES:
Also I like to take note of his personal preferences. Do you know which foods your husband dislikes, his favorite dessert, the clothing he dislikes, favorite colors...?
Some examples are:
Serving fruit the way he likes it -freshly cut and at room temperature, never cold.
Removing all traces of "eyes" from slices of pineapple.
Serving licorice and ginger tea only.
Never serving him raw tomatoes.

SPECIAL REQUESTS
Beyond that I try to keep an open ear for any special requests and make a note of these, too. These statements uttered by him often begin with an "I wish" or "Wouldn't it be nice if...". Some of these can be executed- if possible - and often make great gifts.

THINKING AHEAD
This category is about the unspoken requests. They require thinking ahead on the part of the wife. For example: I notice the chances are great he'll forget his camera before his pilgrimage, so I pack it for him.
On a hot afternoon, I know he likes a quick nap after work, so I turn on the AC in his room shortly before he gets home.

Of course, there have been many days in my life, especially when my hands were ever busy caring for children or other necessary obligations and I had no extended family for help, that husband seemed to be at the bottom of any list. But all the above still remained waiting for execution whenever the opportunity presented itself again.

THE PERSONALIST PATH
I used to wonder how senior devotees or devotees in the position of an authority who are supposed to have no attachment to the material world could have so many requests!

First of all, we are all individuals with different tastes. Individuality is important for any relationship. Variety is the spice of life, right?

But most importantly, by the grace of the spiritual master, a conclusion may be made that it's all because we are learning to become personal, to become persons. Thus it is their mercy to put up with this material world in order to engage their dependents in many, many varieties of service, sometimes in very personal ways, just to awaken the service spirit.

And because we are persons, service doesn't mean always roses and light. There are difficulties in every relationship -no matter who it is. One devotee talked about how stern her guru was with her husband and herself when he was displeased with their service. The interesting thing is that when she described these things to me, both she and her husband were very joyful about it. They looked back at it laughingly; they really loved him.

Their spiritual master was super fussy about his diet, too. When I heard all these things I felt relief, because earlier I thought I was missing out on something by not directly serving my initiating guru. But now I see Krishna had arranged my life so that I was getting the same sauce by serving a husband who was also careful about diet, execution of duties, etc..

Servants of His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada have also told many stories about how heavy our beloved founder acarya could be with his various disciples, as needed. Apparently, it's not fun when one is being chastised, but from a spiritual perspective it means you are intimate with the person correcting you rather than neglected and left with your imperfections. Advaita Acarya, for example, was scheming ways to bring this about in his relationship with Lord Chaitanya. Santana Goswami, too, became unhappy when Lord Chaitanya chastised Jagadananda Pandit rather than him.  Srila Prabhuada says about this humble service mood: "Disciple should be always ready to be chastised. He should not think that he has become perfect. That is perfection. So long he thinks that he is not perfect-he's to be chastised-then he's perfect. And as soon as he thinks that he has become perfect, he's nonsense immediately, nonsense number one."

MOTHER IS THE FIRST GURU
Mothers should also both accept service from their children and correct them for the children's well being as well as set a personal example for them. From early on, a child watches and  imbibes from his mother's example her respect for and her willingness to serve and take instruction from authority figures such as her husband, mother-in-law, guru and Krishna.

SERVING OTHERS
Whether its supplying milk for the stopover pilgrim, bringing water for the subji walla at the front door, humbly complying with a devotee's chastisement or helping some live ants out of a sugar package, this whole mood of Krishna conscious service is ever increasing. Thus it extends beyond the limits of one's service to husband and family until it includes all living beings. And wherever there is love, others naturally want to reciprocate the same.

There's lots of etiquette to learn, too (a whole other subject), which pleases Lord Caitanya very much

FOR MORE ON THE SERVICE MOOD you may wish to read also:
The Heart of a Servant
.