(excerpt from lecture by Radha-Govinda Maharaja)
In cultured society, the daughter is fully instructed by the mother regarding how to properly behave when she marries and moves to her husband’s house. Mothers commonly use certain verses while instructing their daughters about married life. abhi-utthanam-upagate grhaputau tadbhasane namrata / tadpadarpita-drstih-asanvidhah tasyo-pacarya svayam / supte tatra sayita tat-prathamato sahyat-ca-sayyamiti / pracyaih putri neveditah kula-vadhu-siddhanta-dharma gamah /
“My dear daughter, when your husband comes home, please get up to receive him. Offer him water, sweet words, and never remain seated when he arrives.”
This is called pratyutthanam-- rising and welcoming. A wife should always be prepared to welcome her husband. She should not neglect him to perform some other work. The husband is called grhapati— protector of the household, or master of the house. The wife should speak to her husband very humbly and peacefully listening to his every order.
“My dear daughter, your glance should not wander here and there, but should be fixed with love and respect on the lotus feet of your husband, who is your worshipable deity. Prepare a comfortable seat and request him to repose there, for it is your duty to see to his comfort. Then personally serve him nice foodstuffs, massage him, and fan him while he eats.”
Even today in our villages, we see the wife fanning her husband while he takes his meals. It is the duty of the chaste wife to serve her husband in this way. She should clean his clothes, his house, and speak very sweetly, never using harsh words.
The husband should never leave home in a disturbed condition. There is enough misery in the material world, and he should always return to a peaceful house, and be lovingly received by his chaste wife and feel satisfied. Then the wife will also feel very peaceful and happy.
“My dear daughter, you should sleep only after your husband is in slumber and arise before he awakes. Never be lazy or neglect those instructions, dear one, for what I say is written in the Vedic literatures and followed by the ancient acaryas, especially those from cultured families.”
In modern society, people may think following these rules will result in exploitation of womanhood and give license to men to dominate women. This may be the case in the Western countries, but in India, since time immemorial, woman are respected. For it is said, yatra nayah pujyante ramante tatra devatah, “The demigods reside where respect is shown for womanhood.”
The service a chaste wife offers her husband is a reflection of love and should never be exploited. The husband is the helper of his wife and is thus called pati, protector. He provides clothes, ornaments, house, and children. In India, we see the wife is often the master of the whole family. She keeps accounts for her husband and even commands him at times. And the good loving husband accepts the loving command of his wife. In almost every house this is true, but actually, the wife is the servant of her husband. So her every dealing, and her every action, she does with respect.