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Monday, August 31, 2009

Pudla


Pudla or vegetable pancakes can be made in a variety of ways.  Here's our latest combination:

INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 c besan (I use freshly ground chana dahl)
1/2 c whole wheat flour or atta
a handful of cilantro or parsley, chopped
1-2 cups of finally chopped vegetables such as celery, carrot, bell pepper, tomato, corn...what's available
2-3 t fresh ginger root, finely chopped
1 t ground roasted cumin
1/2 t coriander powder
1/4 t ground black pepper
a pinch of hing
1/2 t turmeric (optional)
1 1/2 t salt or as desired
warm water
ghee for frying

DIRECTIONS:
1. Mix flours and all the condiments together.
2. Add enough warm water and stir to make a smooth batter, not too thick nor thin.
3. Add the vegetables and cilantro. Let mixture sit at least half an hour in a warm place
3. Heat a skillet with 1 T ghee until (lightly) smoking hot. Pour on 1/2 cup batter. Smooth it out as flat and thin as possible. Some vegie pieces may poke out a bit.

4. Let fry on medium heat fairly dry on top. Turn the pancake over.
5. On lowered heat, let it fry on the other side until lighty browned and not gooey.
6. Transfer to a plate and cover with a cotton towel until all pudlas are finished.

Offer to Krishna with guacamole; a bowl of salad or yogurt;  a slice of lemon or a dollop of sour cream! Makes a good breakfast, brunch or snack.

VARIATION: Experiment with different vegetables like zucchini and cauliflower. Try a generous scoop of yogurt or yogurt whey with the water. Also I am now making these pancakes small enough to fit three in the skillet. Easier to handle and eat. 

The Discontented Woman

This is a story about the woman who wanted to "have it all" but ended up with nothing.

(by the Brothers Grimm, adapted):

Once upon a time there were a fisherman and his wife who lived together in a little hut near the sea. Every day the fisherman went out fishing, and one day, when he pulled up his net, he had caught a large flounder.

Then the flounder said to him, "Listen, fisherman, I am not an ordinary flounder, but an mystic yogi. How will it help you to kill me? I would not taste good to you. Put me back into the water, and let me swim."

"Well," said the man, "there's no need to say more. I can certainly let a fish swim away who knows how to talk."

With that he put it back into the water, and the flounder disappeared.

Then the fisherman got up and went home to his wife in the little hut.

"Husband," said the woman, "didn't you catch anything today?"

"No," said the man. "I caught a flounder, but he told me that he was a mystic yogi, so I let him swim away."

"Didn't you ask for anything first?" said the woman.

"No," said the man. "What should I have asked for?"

"Oh," said the woman. "It is terrible living in this shack. It stinks and is filthy. You should have asked for a little cottage for us. Go back and call him. Tell him that we want to have a little cottage. He will surely give it to us."

"Oh," said the man. "Why should I go back there?"

"Look," said the woman, "you did catch him, and then you let him swim away. He will surely do this for us. Go right now."

The man did not want to go, but neither did he want to oppose his wife, so he went back to the sea.

When he arrived there it was no longer clear, but yellow and green. He stood there and said:

"O yogi! Yogi of the sea!
Come, come listen to me.
My wife, my wife Isabelle,
Wants not, wants not, what I will.

The flounder swam up and said, "What does she want then?"
"Oh," said the man, "I did catch you, and now my wife says that I really should have asked for something. She doesn't want to live in a little hut any longer. She would like to have a cottage."

"Go home," said the flounder. "She already has it."

The man went home, and his wife was standing in the door of a cottage, and she said to him, "Come in. See, now isn't this much better?"

There was a little front yard, and a beautiful little living room, and a bedroom where their bed was standing, and a kitchen, and a dining room. Everything was beautifully furnished and supplied with tin and brass utensils, just as it should be. And outside there was a little yard with chickens and ducks and a garden with vegetables and fruit.

"Look," said the woman. "Isn't this nice?"

"Yes," said the man. "This is quite enough. We can live here very well."

"We will think about that," said the woman.

Then they ate something and went to bed.

Everything went well for a week or two, and then the woman said, "Listen, husband. This cottage is too small. The yard and the garden are too little. The flounder could have given us a larger house. I would like to live in a large stone palace. Go back to the flounder and tell him to give us a palace."

"Oh, wife," said the man, "the cottage is good enough. Why would we want to live in a palace?"

"I know why," said the woman. "Now you just go. The flounder can do that."

"Now, wife, the flounder has just given us the cottage. I don't want to go back so soon. It may make the flounder angry."

"Just go," said the woman. "He can do it, and he won't mind doing it. Just go."

The man's heart was heavy, and he did not want to go. He said to himself, "This is not right," but henpecked as he was, he went anyway.

When he arrived at the sea the water was purple and dark blue and gray and dense, and no longer green and yellow. He stood there and said:

"O yogi! Yogi of the sea!
Come, come listen to me.
My wife, my wife Isabelle,
Wants not, wants not, what I will.

"What does she want then?" said the flounder.

"Oh," said the man sadly, "my wife wants to live in a stone palace."

"Go home. She's already standing before the door," said the flounder.

Then the man went his way, thinking he was going home, but when he arrived, standing there was a large stone palace. His wife was standing on the stairway, about to enter.

Taking him eagerly by the hand, she said, "Come inside."

He went inside with her. Inside the palace there was a large front hallway with a marble floor. Numerous servants opened up the large doors for them. The walls were all white and covered with beautiful tapestry. In the rooms there were chairs and tables of pure gold. The beds were covered with fine silk and linens. The rooms and chambers all had carpets. Food and the very best preparation overloaded the tables until they almost collapsed. Outside the house there was a large courtyard with stalls for horses and cows. Furthermore there was a magnificent garden with the most beautiful flowers and fine fruit trees and a pleasure forest a good half mile long, with elk and deer and hares and everything that anyone could possibly want.

"Now," said the woman, "isn't this nice?"

"Oh, yes" said the man. "This is quite enough. We can live in this beautiful palace and be satisfied."

"We'll think about it," said the woman. "Let's sleep on it." And with that they went to bed.

The next morning the woman woke up first. It was just daylight, and from her bed she could see the magnificent landscape before her. Her husband was just starting to stir when she poked him in the side with her elbow and said, "Husband, get up and look out the window. Look, couldn't I be queen over all this land?"

"Oh, wife," said the man, "why would we want to be queen? I don't want to be king."

"Well," said the woman, "even if you don't want to be king, I want to be queen."

"Oh, wife," said the man, "why do you want to be queen? I don't want to tell him that."

"Why not?" said the woman, "Go there immediately. I must be queen."

So the man, saddened because his wife wanted to be queen, went back.

"This is not right, not right at all," thought the man. He did not want to go, but he went anyway.

When he arrived at the sea it was dark gray, and the water heaved up from below and had a foul smell. He stood there and said:


"O yogi! Yogi of the sea!
Come, come listen to me.
My wife, my wife Isabelle,
Wants not, wants not, what I will.

"What does she want then," said the flounder.

"Oh," said the man, "she wants to be queen."

"Go home. She is already queen," said the flounder.

Then the man went home, and when he arrived there, the palace had become much larger, with a tall tower and magnificent decorations. Sentries stood outside the door, and there were so many soldiers, and drums, and trumpets. When he went inside everything was of pure marble and gold with velvet covers and large golden tassels. Then the doors to the great hall opened up, and there was the entire court. His wife was sitting on a high throne of gold and diamonds. She was wearing a large golden crown, and in her hand was a scepter of gold and precious stones. On either side of her there stood a line of maids, ready to attend her.

"Oh, wife, are you now queen?"

"Yes," she said, "now I am queen."

He stood and looked at her, and after thus looking at her for a while he said, "Wife, it is very nice that you are queen. Now we don't have to wish for anything else."

"No, husband," she said, becoming restless. "Time is on my hands. I cannot stand it any longer. Go to the flounder. I am queen, but now I must become empress."

"Oh, wife" said the man, "Why do you want to become empress?"

"Husband," she said, "go to the flounder. I want to be empress."

"Oh, wife," said the man, "he cannot make you empress. I cannot tell the flounder to do that. He cannot do that."

"What!" said the woman. "I am queen, and you are my husband. I am ordering you to go there immediately. If he can make me queen then he can make me empress. I want to be and have to be empress. Go there immediately."

So he had to go. As he went on his way the frightened man thought to himself, "This is not going to end well. To ask to be empress is shameful. The flounder is going to get tired of this."

With that he arrived at the sea. The water was all black and dense and boiling up from within. A strong wind blew over him that curdled the water. He stood there and said:


"O yogi! Yogi of the sea!
Come, come listen to me.
My wife, my wife Isabelle,
Wants not, wants not, what I will.

"What does she want then?" said the flounder.

"Oh, flounder," he said, "my wife wants to become empress."

"Go home," said the flounder. "She is already empress."

Then the man went home, and when he arrived there, the entire palace was made of polished marble with alabaster statues and golden decoration. Soldiers were marching outside the gate, blowing trumpets and beating drums. Inside there were courtiers walking around like servants. They opened the doors for him, which were made of pure gold. He went inside where his wife was sitting on a high throne made of one piece of gold, and she was wearing a large golden crown, all set with diamonds and gems. In the one hand she had a scepter, and in the other the imperial orb. Bodyguards were standing in two rows at her sides. Many subjects were standing before her.

The man went and stood among them and said, "Wife, are you empress now?"

"Yes," she said, "I am empress."

He stood and looked at her, and after thus looking at her for a while, he said, "Wife, it is very nice that you are empress."

She sat there as stiff as a tree, neither stirring nor moving.

Then he said, "Wife, be satisfied now that you are empress. There is nothing else that you can become."

"I have to think about that," said the woman.

Then they both went to bed, but she was not satisfied. Her desires would not let her sleep. She kept thinking what she wanted to become next.

The man slept well and soundly, for he had run about a lot during the day, but the woman could not sleep at all, but tossed and turned from one side to the other all night long, always thinking about what she could become, but she could not think of anything.

Then the sun was about to rise, and when she saw the early light of dawn she sat up in bed and watched through the window as the sun came up.

"Aha," she thought. "Could not I cause the sun and the moon to rise?"

"Husband," she said, poking him in the ribs with her elbow, "wake up and go back to the flounder. I want to become God."

The man, who was still mostly asleep, was so startled that he fell out of bed. He thought that he had misunderstood her, so, rubbing his eyes, he said, "Wife, what did you say?"

"Husband," she said, "I cannot stand it when I see the sun and the moon rising, and I cannot cause them to do so. I will not have a single hour of peace until I myself can cause them to rise."

She looked at him so gruesomely that he shuddered.

"Go there immediately. I want to become God."

"Oh, wife," said the man, falling on his knees before her, "the flounder cannot do that. He can make you queen and empress, but I beg you, be satisfied and remain empress."

Anger fell over her. Her hair flew wildly about her head. Tearing open her bodice she kicked him with her foot and shouted, "I cannot stand it! I cannot stand it any longer! I am empress, and you are my husband. Go there immediately! "

He put on his trousers and ran off like a madman.

The frightened man felt sick all over, and his knees and legs were shaking, and the wind was blowing over the land, and clouds flew by as the darkness of evening fell. Leaves blew from the trees, and the water roared and boiled as it crashed onto the shore. Such a storm was raging that he could hardly stand on his feet. Houses and trees were blowing over. The mountains were shaking, and boulders were rolling from the cliffs into the sea. The sky was as black as pitch. There was thunder and lightning. In the sea there were great black waves as high as church towers and mountains, all capped with crowns of white foam. Full of despair he stood there and yelled:

"O yogi! Yogi of the sea!
Come, come listen to me.
My wife, my wife Isabelle,
Wants not, wants not, what I will.

"What does she want then?" said the flounder.

"Oh," he said, in half a whisper, "she wants - she wants to become God."

"Go home. She is sitting in her little hut as before."

One should be satisfied with whatever he achieves by his previous destiny, for discontent can never bring happiness. A person who is not self-controlled will not be happy even with possessing the three worlds." -SB 8.19.24

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Advancement of the Heart

Here's a story about a family woman that got the Lord's supreme mercy. It illustrates how Krishna is more concerned about the condition of our hearts rather than our external situation or material position:

(an excerpt from BTG, by Bhakti Vikasa Swami)

This incident took place about 125 years ago. In the village of Bhugda, in the Karoli district, lived a family of gurjas (cowherds) who supplied milk for the service of Madana Mohana.

One of the women of this family used to come to see Madana Mohana and honor His prasädam. Madana Mohana was pleased with her devotional attitude.

One day Madana Mohana went to the village of Bhugda. The gurjari woman was lying on her bed chanting Madana Mohana’s name when suddenly she saw Madana Mohana Himself standing before her.

Surprised, she got up and touched His feet. She then spread a simple blue bedsheet on her cot and asked Madana Mohana to sit there. Madana Mohana took off His yellow outer dress, lay down on the cot, and went to sleep while the woman massaged His feet. Then she began fanning Him. But after some time she felt tired, and she also went to sleep.

When Madana Mohana awoke, He thought, “Oh, it’s almost time for My mangala-ärati. I’d better get back to the temple quickly.” Because He was rushing, He took the blue cloth of the gurjari woman and left behind his yellow garment.

When the priests woke Madana Mohana for mangala-ärati, they were surprised. “Where is His yellow cloth? Where has He gotten this simple blue cloth? We didn’t put Him to sleep like that.”

When the gurjari woman came for darshana that morning, she returned the Deity’s yellow garment. She told the priests that Madana Mohana had gone to her house and left it there and had taken her blue cloth.

This pastime took place on the Amavasya, the new-moon day. Now on every Amavasya, Madana Mohana wears blue cloth in memory of this event.

NoD 22, 40 states"Krishna becomes obliged to the loving spirit of the devotee and not exactly to the service rendered. No one can serve Krishna completely. He is so complete and self-sufficient that He has no need of any service from the devotee. It is the devotee's attitude of love and affection for Krishna that makes Him obliged. "

Personality and Character

 (an excerpt from a post by Jivan Mukta prabhu [ACBSP]))

Another lesson I learn from the abuse of Draupadi is the distinction between personality and character. This is how I've come to see the differences between the two terms:

Personality is something one is born with. It is like a fingerprint, and varies from person to person. It does not indicate a person's moral or ethical condition.

Character, on the other hand, is acquired. It is learned and cultivated through training and education. One can imitate and duplicate character, but not personality.

Draupadi was born of fire. Therefore her fiery and at times impulsive nature (personality) is not at all surprising. Her emotional speech to the Assembly and her railing against Yudhisthira is indicative of her personality.

Her decision on how to act, however, indicates her character. For, even though she complained to Yudhisthira to immediately declare war on the Kauravas, she ultimately chose to obediently accept and follow her husband's decision. This is chastity, faithfulness, and loyalty "for better or for worse." Also, even though she was, in one sense, abused by the actions and inaction of all the assembled men, she never rejected either in principle or in practice the authority of or the protection by men. Quite the contrary, she insisted that the men provide her that protection and exercise their authority according to moral codes. She did not start an equal rights movement, demanding female representation in that Assembly.

Dhrtarastra granted Draupadi three boons, the first of which was used to gain Yudhisthira's freedom, and the second the freedom of Bhima, Arjuna, and the twins. The third boon she refused. She did not want to win back the kingdom for her husbands and thus forever have them suffer the humiliation of having been saved by their wife. Instead she said, "O King, these my husbands, freed from the wretched state of bondage, will be able to achieve prosperity by their own virtuous acts!" (Sabha Parva, Ch.70) These same husbands who were unable to prevent her abuse! She didn't emasculate them; rather, she provided them an opportunity through which they could display their true masculinity.

It is especially Draupadi's character that Prabhupada wanted our daughters (and also the rest of us) to study, although her personality makes for lively entertainment.

QUESTION: Could you explain why they would suffer humiliation if they were saved by their wife?

This is best explained by considering the pastimes of Sita and Rama.

"She could have killed Ravana with the fire of her pativratya, but she respects Rama so much that she wants him to rescue her." ---Hanuman said of Sita (Sundara Kanda, Ch. 9):

"Apart from all these, there is this to be considered, and that is: It will not be a credit to Rama if I should be rescued by you."Sita said to Hanuman, who wanted to take her back to Rama at Prasravana (Sundara Kanda, Ch. 15):

Sita wanted to give Rama the credit and didn't want to deny him the opportunity and right to fulfil his dharma as her husband and protector. Likewise, Draupadi also allowed her husbands the dignity to win back the kingdom by their own strength and merits, and not hers.

A Recipe for a Happy Marriage

INGREDIENTS:
1 cup of consideration
1 cup of courtesy
2 cups of flattery, carefully concealed
2 cups milk of human kindness
1 gallon faith in Krishna and each other
2 cups praise
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 reasonable budget
a dash of cooperation
3 teaspoons pure extract of "I Am Sorry"
1 cup contentment
1 cup each of confidence and encouragement
1 large or several small hobbies/devotional services
1 cup of blindness to the other’s faults
1 bunch of sweet, happy kids, as desired

DIRECTIONS:
Flavor with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper, or criticism. Sweeten well with portions of love and keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve with a cold shoulder or hot tongue.

(source unknown, adapted)

Anger Management

When a husband is having a hard time, his wife can make it her service to Krishna to tolerate. Looking on the bright side, this is an opportunity to further develop in tolerance and humility. Canakya Pandita said: "You can test a wife in difficulty." Here's some advice gathered over the years to help pass a test:

SILENCE IS GOLDEN
This technique alone can help any black storm to pass more quickly. First of all, realizing that the problem belongs to the other party greatly helps. Then all that remains is the choice whether to fall into the same nasty mood or not. Secondly, nasty or unpleasant means unhappy. Trying to be sympathetic while keeping silent until the anger is defused is therefore a loving thing to do.

"A Vaisnava is personally tolerant for the benefit of others." - SB 4.6.48

LENDING A SYMPATHETIC EAR
If a husband is not super angry but just really grumbling, a good wife can lend an ear without interrupting him, denying his feelings, philosophizing or brushing off his problems, ridiculing him, belittling him, offering him immediate advice, questioning him, defending the other party, pitying him, psychoanalyzing him or just plain trying to fix things. Instead, try listening to what he is saying while, at the same time, trying to understand the feelings behind his words and acknowledging those feelings with empathy.

Empathy doesn't mean having to agree with another's point of view, either. Empathy means trying to see through another person's eyes in order to understand how they are feeling. And the more this is done, the more likely the other person will return the favor.

“The first duty of love is to listen.”

THE NEED TO UNWIND
It is helpful to realize the need for loved ones to unwind and let down while they are at home. We all try to be our best with strangers and home just seems to be the only place we don't have to be perfect anymore. We should feel safe there. Of course, this is not an excuse for us to be unreasonable, selfish slobs, either. It's just that knowing this helps us deal with one another's less than perfect side.

MAKING OUR RELATIONSHIPS A TOP PRIORITY
When a wife is frazzled by other activities, it tends to make relationships at home much more difficult. "Simplify, simplify, simplify"is advised in order to avoid being spread out too thin by self created duties and to help be our best- eager to serve, readily, willingly and lovingly.

SUFFICIENT REST
Good intelligence demands getting enough rest and taking good care of ourselves physically and spiritually in order to be in the position to better care about others. 

 " Sleep is also necessary to keep the intelligence in working order. If there is no sleep, the brain cannot work nicely. In Bhagavad-gītā it is especially mentioned that persons who regulate eating, sleeping and other necessities of the body in the proper proportion become very successful in the yoga process."- SB 3.26.30 purport

THE LOVE CUSHION
Building a love cushion in a relationship means going out of our way when opportunities arise, as much as possible, to show our love. This is when the little things really count. So when things get rough later on, we and our loved one have some "cushioning" to ease the "bumps". So relish those loving moments to help weather inevitable arguments to come.

BEING SQUEEZED
When an orange is squeezed, sweet juice comes out. What comes out when we get squeezed? It helps to remember that input affects output. By filling the heart with Krishna consciousness, chances are we'll react more favorably whenever we're under pressure.

TIME OUT
For those times when we don't feel very tolerant, taking a time out is recommended. That means getting a change of scenery or having a special spot to return to to cool down. Try pinpointing the source of anger by asking yourself questions like, "Why am I upset? What is troubling me? What can I do about it?".  A time out helps things to calm down between both parties before trying to talk about a problem.

FORGIVENESS
One of the most powerful cures for anger is forgiveness. This is the teaching of Bhismadeva pointed out in the SB 1.9.27 purport.  Srila Prabhupada writes, "One must learn to forgive". One must learn to see the real situation beyond the temporary bodily existence and thus be able to forgive others as well as ourselves.

RETURNING GOOD FOR EVIL
Maintaining sweet words or a soothing tone of voice and manner lets people know we want to work things out, and can cool the anger of others. Humility on our part results from the spiritual vision that everyone is Krishna’s servant. One also realizes that, "The problem is not really between me and them but me and Krishna. Krishna is allowing this to happen to me for a good reason." And, conversely, between the other part and the Lord. In other words, don't take it personally.

But, somehow making amends if we were in the wrong is also important.

RECOGNIZING ANGER TRIGGERS:

By regular hearing from sastra we can understand more about our own anger and its sources.

MATERIAL DESIRE
One may be physically present, but the mind is out there... wanting something. By allowing ourselves to daydream or otherwise contemplate the objects of the senses, after a while we realize our real life is not up to par with the dreams, and that's when frustration, faultfinding, etc sets in.

“The more we think of sense enjoyment, the more the mind becomes dissatisfied.” -Bg 17.16p

Thus it is necessary to understand the law of progression given in Bg 2.62-63. Attachment follows contemplation and then lust develops and from lust, anger arises. Knowing this law and keeping the mind always contemplating Krishna's service instead, especially by chanting His holy name is the way out of this material entanglement.

ATTACHMENT TO THE RESULTS OF ACTIVITIES
Things don't always go the way we planned even in Krishna's service. Anger is averted when we stop trying to be the supreme controller, by accepting Krishna's will and trusting Krishna for good intelligence how to handle any difficulty. Again, this is accomplished over time by the training in transcendence given in Bhagavad gita As It Is.

"You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty."-Bg 2.47

"My devotee who is not dependent on the ordinary course of activities, who is pure, expert, without cares, free from all pains, and not striving for some result, is very dear to Me."-- Bg 12.16

"That action which is regulated and which is performed without attachment, without love or hatred, and without desire for fruitive results is said to be in the mode of goodness."-Bg 18.23

ILLUSION AND PRIDE
Pride in one's achievements, including austerities and spiritual practices stems from false ego, the original source for our contemplating in the mood of an enjoyer, rather than Krishna's service, and which once again progresses into anger when frustration results. In other words, the law of progression begins with an identification with the material body as being the self, with separate interests from the Lord's interests. We are forgetting that everything we have is borrowed plumes only and that the Lord's mercy is all we're made of, protecting us from being swallowed by the sea of the mighty material energy. Nip this concept in the bud via bhakti yoga and then anger becomes manageable.

Spiritual anger, anger in relation to Krishna's service, would be a whole other topic.

GOOD QUOTES:

"Anger is one letter short of danger."

TOLERANCE
"Akrodha means to check anger. Even if there is provocation one should be tolerant, for once one becomes angry his whole body becomes polluted. Anger is a product of the mode of passion and lust, so one who is transcendentally situated should check himself from anger." Bg 16.1-3 p.

"A devotee engaged in chanting the holy name of the Lord should practice forbearance like that of a tree. Even if rebuked or chastised he should not say anything to others to retaliate. For even if one cuts a tree, it never protests, nor even if it is drying up and dying does it ask anyone for water." CCAdi 17.27

"There were some waves of dissatisfaction in the mind of Jada Bharata due to his being insulted by King Rahugana...but Jada Bharata neglected this, and his heart again became calm and quiet like an ocean." SB 5.13.24

TIME OUT
“If someone insults you, leave the place silently”- Vaisnava Etiquette Handbook by Bhakti Caru Swami

SPIRITUAL ANGER
"The difference between the anger of an ordinary person and that of a liberated person is that an ordinary person becomes angry because his sense desires are not being fulfilled, whereas a liberated person like the Kumäras becomes angry when restricted in the discharge of duties for serving the Supreme Personality of Godhead." SB 3.15.31 purport

DETACHMENT FROM MATTER
“By becoming detached from material activities, we will be freed from fear and anger.” Bg4

ATTACHMENT FOR KRISHNA
"We cannot control the force of our anger. Therefore when we look at material things, we cannot avoid feeling attraction or repulsion for them. But the Supreme Lord is never affected in this way. Although He glances over the material world for the purpose of creating, maintaining and destroying it, He is not affected, even to the slightest degree. Therefore, one who desires to conquer the force of the senses must take shelter of the lotus feet of the Lord. Then he will be victorious." SB 5.17.19



I Wonder

   
You know, Lord,
How I serve You
With great emotional fervor
In the limelight.
You know how eagerly
I speak for You
At a women’s club.
You know how I effervesce
When I promote
A fellowship group.
You know my genuine enthusiasm
At a Bible study.

But how would I react, I wonder,
If You pointed to a basin of water
And asked me to wash
The calloused feet
Of a bent and wrinkled old woman
Day after day,
Month after month,
In a room where nobody saw
And nobody knew.
( by Ruth Harms) 

Curing the Superwoman Syndrome

Updated 5/10/15
Many years ago in America, a married woman was considered unfit to act as a school teacher. That's because her attention would be divided between household affairs and the business of teaching, thus reducing her effectiveness in either realm.

This was apparently sound reasoning, confirmed by a homeschooler who felt torn between being a serious sadhaka, a responsible and loving housewife, a helpful friend, a teacher for her children and just plain "Mom". The result was a home found often in disarray and the feeling of being hurried or overwhelmed as she struggled to stay in control.  And she didn't have to commute to work everyday either.

Although undoubtedly joy and competence may be gained in such activities as teaching, the more important things- such as a woman's actual duties at home -will not be given the attention they require. Of course, wealthy persons can brag and boast about how they hire help for all those things, but we're talking about ordinary folks here who don't have a maid or a cook or other servant help nor do they usually have a degree in education.

Another example is writing. Writing naturally brings one's mind to another space as a piece of writing-in- progress competes with the duties at hand for her attention, but once someone knows how to write well enough to teach someone else writing, they feel compelled to utilize it! We are talking about an ordinary housewife, here (but whose mother was a writer and news reporter, by the way). Another problem is that, even if she too was surrounded by servant help and thus had that time to write, she'd still be mentally and emotionally absent from her family. Then it'd be little wonder when we hear later on how her husband's business failed.

That said, today we see not just the higher classes who have the leisure (or even the sudrani class that must work a job outside), but all women are encouraged (or relentlessly prodded and coaxed) to spend most of their time going to school, working a job and a dozen other services outside the home.  Modern society labeled this phenomenon "juggling a career and home" or they call it the “have it all generation”. And such superwomen are often glorified for their contribution to society; such workaholism is even considered... saintly!


In reality, the divorce rate is rising and the degradation of human society in general happens when family life takes the back seat to personal ambition. When the women go astray, the whole society goes downward. (Bhagavad gita As It Is 1.40).

So let's not be fooled. Working women today are usually trading off something for what they get, and  that something is the happiness of their husbands and families for the sake of their personal sense gratification. Even crazier is that such an entanglement is considered freedom. Srila Prabhupada remarks:

“Just like in India, when we were children, I saw one advertisement by the Remington typewriter machine company that 'This machine has given emancipation to the woman class because they have found some job for typewriting.' In this way they were advertising. ...Instead of being dependent at home, they have to go and become a secretary of a third-class person... So is that emancipation? But it was advertised as emancipation. Similarly, whatever material advancement we are making in the name of facility, emancipation, we are simply bungling the whole affair.”--SB 7.9.11 lecture

SAVING THE FAMILY
But you say you crave recognition and glorification for your work? Well, a contented family speaks volumes. Or you say you want to save the world? Mother Theresa wisely advised:

“Go home and love your family...The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them. Love them. Put your love for them in living action.”

As mothers, children are our most creative project and greatest humanitarian work. That baby that needs diapering may be the next big book distributor. And they grow up fast. You don't want to miss out. Later we'll have lots more time for other things...but then there will be grand kids!

One mother wrote, “I held on to the wise council given me when my children were toddlers. Live your life in chapters. You don’t have to do everything you want to do in life during this chapter of rearing children.’ This advice provided the cornerstone of my plans for personal goals..."

Yes, some activities or personal interests may have to be put on hold, but more often though, most can still be continued in some form of another by inviting children to join in. For example, instead of keeping in boxes that rug you plan to hook after the children are grown, why not teach a child how to hook it along with you? And if one wants to do devotional services outside one's home, why not choose what can be done with the children, such as engaging them in festivals programs and harinam?

Also there's plenty of little things one could do like giving a book to the dentist or repair man, inviting mothers you meet at a playground to a temple program, making ghee wicks, serving carnamrta, serving out or sitting next to guests at feasts... or simply greeting visitors to the temple with a smile and kindly offering them assistance, prasadam and a book.

MOTHER NURTURE
What's more, a woman with a heart towards home finds time to cook.  Just consider all the advantages of those home cooked meals for family health and nurturing.  Each meal creates a special time for bringing the family together, reconnecting and also sharing with guests. Every offering of the Lord's prasadam is an important way of saying “I love you” (NOI 4)

Dhanurdara Maharaja wrote, "Years ago I was dealing with a person in Vrindaban who had all the signs of serious clinical depression. He was gradually losing touch with reality and needed serious mental health care.....I spoke to one of the leaders, a very cultured Indian, and told him frankly that he could never understand the need for psychiatric care because he had a loving mother at home who fed him. I also knew his mother and how close they were.

"He was startled by my statement, and told me I was absolutely right. He related to me that when he would sometimes read in the newspaper how the rich and famous had clinical depression, he would say to himself, 'What is this depression?' having no personal frame of reference to understand it. We then discussed how much the sense of being loved in a family is transferred through the serving and taking of meals affectionately prepared by a loving mother, and especially how the children were inoculated against insecurity and depression by the love and security impressed within them by this loving exchange." (excerpt from "The Mother, the Mind and Food" )
Mother Theresa again wisely coincided in her 1985 U.N. address: "That special power of loving that belongs to a woman is seen most clearly when she becomes a mother... Yet we can destroy this gift of motherhood, especially by the evil of abortion, but also by thinking that other things like jobs or positions are more important than loving, than giving oneself to others. No job, no plans, no possessions, no idea of 'freedom' can take the place of love."

PROVIDING A HAVEN OF COMFORT AND PEACE
Prabhupada also comments on the needs of a married man: "A person becomes agitated by so many material contacts in the outside world; therefore, in his home life he must be treated by his wife with sweet words." (SB 3.23.2)

But what if his wife is out working all day, too? Most likely they both come home in the same shape and to a cold,  foodless house. With such a situation there's bound to be trouble. Therefore, it is best if one of the two goes out to make a living while the other tends to the business of making life worth living. In this regard, Srila Prabhupada teaches that "Man is meant for hard working, and woman is meant for homely comfort, love. So both of them, if they are situated in their respective duties under proper training, then this combination of man and woman will help both of them to make progress in spiritual life." (Srila Prabhupada, discussion/lecture on Comte)

Lord Chaitanya also remarked, “Merely a house is not a home, for it is a wife who gives a home its meaning. If one lives at home with his wife, together they can fulfill all the interests of human life.” (CC Adi lila 15.27)

UNDERSTANDING OUR PRIORITIES
"The highest religious duty for a woman is to sincerely serve her husband, behave well toward her husband’s family and take good care of her children.”  (SB 10.29.24). There's a saying that when we tend to our own business, we find out we have plenty of business to do.

SAVING OUR SANITY
In this way, we save our own sanity. Authoress Helen Andelin (Fascinating Womanhood) wrote memorably about too many self-created duties: "I was unable to have children the first five years of my marriage, and then I had five little ones very close in age. Besides the full role of mother hood and keeping my house organized and running, I was asked to teach classes in my church and help with various big events. And I was not inclined to turn away someone who was in dire need of me. All of this sounds quite angelic on the surface but inside I was crumbling and spent two days in the hospital with a near nervous breakdown. Shortly after I came home from the hospital my mother called me from California to check on me. She listened quietly while I reviewed all of my problems which seemed to have no solutions then she said in a very calm voice: 'Helen, you have nothing to worry about. Aubrey has to take his place in the world of men but all you have to do is to tend children.' Those few gentle words kept ringing in my ears. With my husband’s support I trimmed life down to tending children and quickly recovered from my near nervous breakdown."


So it's up to us. Every woman has the choice whether to make or break her home. Andelin again observed, “When you quit (work), it brings immediate peace in the household. Mother is home when the children come home from school. She is rested, composed, not in a hurry. The house is tidy and homey. All is well. This will bring more lasting memories than fine material comforts....

"It is almost impossible to successfully fill your role as a mother, directing the hour-by-hour affairs of your children, - if you work outside the home.  I know that many of you feel locked in to your jobs but this is not so. Where there is a will there is a way. Trust in God and turn to Him for a way out."

AVAILABILITY
It's an important job. Somebody has to do it. Could you imagine little Krishna coming home to a babysitter instead of mother Yasoda? Or how about Nanda Maharaja being served his daily meals by a paid servant and cook instead of his loving wife? Yet, nowadays, in most western neighborhoods, you can hardly find one woman at home, and if there is one, that's most likely where many of the neighborhood children will congregate. Every child needs at least one person to care about how he is engaged rather than feeling burdened by his presence. A whole neighborhood of such women can not only provide safe, secure environments for children to roam from house to house, but also provide much needed support for one another.

Besides, we cannot force our family members to become detached from the material world by providing wifeless, motherless homes. Time magazine observed, "Home has been left an impoverished place, little more than a dormitory, a spot for a shower and a change of clothes....How will these marginalized kids turn out?" (Fall 1990, p. 74)


A mother and wife at home can live her life in such a way that she is present when needed, not in a hurry to get to "other things" that the world now expects us women to be concerned with. Is there a teen that needs listening to? A tired husband after a hard day's work? A daughter-in-law who needs help with little ones? Even one's neighbors need support and friendship. Availability means someone is there to listen, sympathize, counsel, assist, comfort, and encourage. Childless women also; there is so much they can do voluntarily to help the rest of a community. They can help with the newborns, devotees who are ill or elderly and so on. Doing the needful can ease the strain on others. That way there is more quality to what we do rather than a concern over quantity.



All this, of course, comes from nurturing a Krishna conscious, loving service mood; it is what makes a woman truly super. 

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle


Who fed me from her gentle breast,
And hush'd me in her arms to rest,
And on my cheek sweet kisses prest?
My Mother.

When sleep forsook my open eye,
Who was it sung sweet hushaby,
And rock'd me that I should not cry?
My Mother.

Who sat and watch'd my infant head,
When sleeping on my cradle bed,
And tears of sweet affection shed?
My Mother.

When pain and sickness made me cry,
Who gaz'd upon my heavy eye,
And wept, for fear that I should die?
My Mother.

Who drest my doll in clothes so gay,
And taught me pretty how to play,
And minded all I had to say?
My Mother.

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My Mother.

Who taught my infant lips to pray,
And love God's holy book and day,
And walk in wisdom's pleasant way?
My Mother.

And can I ever cease to be
Affectionate and kind to thee,
Who wast so very kind to me,
My Mother.
-Ann Taylor

"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Baby Business Part 3


SOOTHING A FUSSY BABY
The first time I heard one of my babies cry, I didn't know what to do, but over time I had developed a plan. It was a quick mental check to discover the source of discomfort- "Is baby wet? hungry? in pain?" Once I did a this quick check with my infant daughter to find a long hair wrapped tightly around her wrist that was troubling her. Another time there was an open diaper pin. "Is baby tired? bored? too hot or cold?" That about covers it in those early days before the child can verbalize his annoyance.

Keeping calm is key. Krishna will supply intelligence.

When baby cries for something he must not have, instead of giving in you can pick him up and softly sing Hare Krishna or other songs until he feels better or finds some other distraction. Here are some more ways to soothe a fussy baby:
Try changing to different positions. If baby is facing backward, for example, turn him around to face forward; lay him down in your arms to cuddle or turn him around to burp him.
Gently swing baby in your arms to rock him or try other rhythmic motions.
Give baby a soothing massage.
Swaddling a very young baby often helps. That means wrapping him up in his blanket to increase his sense of security.
Allow sucking on the breast beyond regular nursing.
Make soothing sounds like humming or singing softly.
Talk to him.
Play with him- peek a boo, paddy cake..., etc.
Place him on your chest to hear your heartbeat.
Most of all, help him out by remaining calm and loving.

"Thank you Lord, for the noise and business of the day. Thank you for these precious children. For I know that this could have been a spotless, noiseless, childless place.”

STAYING HOME
Do not be hurried to take a newly born child out of the maternity home. Asian women, since the arrival of my first born, had advised me to wait at least one month. Prabhupada wrote that high class Bengali ladies of the past waited 4 months (CC Adi 13.118p). One mataji gave me the reason to wait for at least three months is because public places are overstimulating to the child as well as contaminating. Another lady told me a story about a woman who had recently given birth and brought her newborn child before Prabhupada. Prabhupada only asked her, "Why are you here?" and advised her to bring her child home. This is wise because a peaceful environment and lifestyle along with ample rest is also essential for the development of high quality breast milk and frequent nursing, what to speak of the special time for bonding with one's baby.

TALKING
Don’t feel you are wasting time talking to a baby. He always gets something out of it. For example, instead of simply saying "No", when he is running with a stick in hand, go ahead and explain why. Just the tone of your words and concern by a lengthy explanation may induce him to put the stick down. Plus he’s absorbing words all the time.

It’s great fun to walk around and tell baby the names of things. You might keep the word general at first and consistent, then add synonyms and other specifics over time. And instead of talking "baby talk', model good speech for children to copy.
(allposters.com)
Your face communicates a lot also. If a child falls down, for example, notice that he will immediately look at your face to see your reaction. If you are not horrified, he will quickly recover. The same with bathing or waterplay. Look happy and calm and speak reassuringly, and soon he'll be doing back floats.

TOILET TRAINING
Toilet training requires patience since a child must learn a new habit. It also requires consistency. Every few hours and after rest times and before bed, put child on the potty.
Also, check on the child that is newly toilet trained, so that he is going to the toilet regularly instead of holding it in out of laziness, or because he is absorbed in some activity. Help out by looking for signs of having to go, such as the child dancing, holding onto his pants...
Reward positive behavior and ignore mistakes. A reward may be praise, stickers and a chart posting his progress.

RECREATION-
Great devotees played with dolls of Krishna and Rama, etc, and fortunate children born in good families continue to do so (SB 2.3.15). Also many traditional children's games may be adapted for remembering Krishna while having fun and exercise.

SAFETY
VEDIC PROTECTION
In sastra are given various ways to protect the child. Foremost, would be the chanting of the Lord's holy names (KB6) tilak, tulsi beads, and the presence of cows.

"Ladies could take charge of protecting a child simply by taking help from the cow...They knew how to wave about the switch of a cow so as to protect the child from all types of danger. There are so many facilities afforded by cow protection, but people have forgotten these arts." SB 10.6.19p

If you don’t have a family cow(s), you might want to keep images and pictures of cows on the altar and around the home and or adopt a cow.

The continuous blessings, with palms raised, of senior family members and saintly persons is also importanṭ.

If you put tulsi beads on a baby, use string that isn't too difficult to break, just in case.

Also there's the tying on of talismans and kavacas and marking the child with the lamp black from a cooled lamp that had been offered to the Lord in artik. A dot is then formed on the forehead or side of the face to ward off dhristi or the evil eye (Also avoiding talking good about your family).

Furthermore, Prabhupada wrote that when a child sucks his mother's breast nicely he is free from danger. (KB 7)

CHILDPROOFING

  • Keep any poisons such as household cleansers tightly closed and out of reach. Even better is to not keep such things at all or at a bare minimum, and choose more natural, less toxic or non toxic materials.
  • Beware of leaving out things like colorful shampoo that looks good to eat.
  • Also beware of houseplants and other natural poisons child may contact.
  • Cover any exposed electric sockets, but watch out. Sooner or later baby can remove the covers.
  • Protect baby’s’ head from getting bumped or hit. Don’t allow running in the house.
  • Cover sharp edged furniture or remove it.
  • You should be able to see and hear your baby at all times or have competent help.
  • In my opinion, baby-sitters and nannies are only valuable working alongside the mother. A mother should always be available to her below five year old child (unless there is some emergency). The fact is, I know many children who were abused by non relative caretakers. Furthermore, the mother's presence builds a sense of security and trust and an  important bonding between the mother and her child, not just the babysitter.
As children get older, too, continue to check on them. They won’t always come to you.

MORE TIPS
Whenever you put on chapstick, wash your hair, cut your nails etc, rinse your mouth after eating, do the same for your younger children. Whenever you drink water ask if they want a cup of it, too.

Baby Business Part 2

MASSAGE
To control Vata dosha, massages are soothing and recommended for children every day.
A massage with oil is not always needed, if it is unavailable.
Massaging from the feet up is stimulating. Massaging from the head down is relaxing, to help baby fall asleep.
Do not massage the umbilical area directly. Move around it.
An older baby may play in sun with oil rubbed in the body, before a bath, nursing and a nap.
A head rub aids a baby to sleep and relieves stress.
BATHING
Until he is older, bathe baby around noon in the winter months, when it is warmer in the house.Tell a reluctant child “Let’s wash your baby”, and give them a favorite baby doll (or other toys) to bathe along with them.

DIAPERING Here's my take on what diapers to use:
Cloth diapers may be cheaper but consider the cost of washing them.
They must be changed more often than paper ones.
They can be more time consuming and difficult to use without support or know how. Alternately, one can use both cloth and disposables (such as when traveling).
Use breathable diaper covers, not plastic, to prevent diaper rash if you are using cloth. Otherwise disposable diapers keep baby dryer and rash free if changed reasonably often.
Make sure cloth diapers are well rinsed and preferably sun dried. Diapers dried in the sun are said to prevent diaper rash.
Baby powder provides extra comfort, but it is not really necessary, and be careful baby does not inhale it.
Prevent diaper rash by diligently keeping the diaper area clean. I almost always washed my babies under a spicket with gentle soap and water. They never got rashes.
In that way, baby wipes are not usually necessary. I saved them for travel or a really messy cleanup before washing with soap and water.
Allow baby to go without a diaper now and then for air.
To diaper a wriggling baby, try giving him something to hold and look at.

"When a child passes stool and urine that touch the body of the mother, the mother never hates the child. On the contrary, she takes much pleasure in cleansing him. The stool and urine of the maintained child appear like sandalwood pulp to the mother." - CC Antya 4.186-187

DRESSING AND CLOTHING
A newborn enjoys swaddling. It is similar to prior conditions within the womb, and it keeps his arms and legs together when baby is startled (which can happen fairly often when newly born). Swaddling, therefore, is so he can rest better.
A rimmed cloth hat is helpful to keep sun and rain off the head when outdoors. In winter a cap that covers his ears is essential.
Cold hands or feet are an indicator baby is cold.

FEEDING.
“For children who are eating well- fruit, milk, grain, dairy and some legumes- there is usually no need for vitamin supplementation”
Until teeth come in introduce non grain solid foods when baby shows eagerness to have them. Introduce these gradually, along with continued breast feeding, items such as mashed banana, applesauce, pureed carrots...
Young children may for quite some time appear to live mostly on milk, breast or and cow’s.
Introduce grains when first teeth come in.-cream of wheat, oatmeal, rice cereal...
Young children need to eat more often because of littler stomachs, but it is best to keep eating at regular times. You may wish to feed 3 good meals with two healthy snacks. Prabhupada wrote:
" It is nice if they eat often—if children overeat it doesn't matter, that is no mistake." letter, 1/10/72, Bombay
If children pick at their vegetables, do not force them to eat them, but encourage to always take at least one bite. I call it "The One Bite Club", and they must take at least one bite to belong to this elclusive club. Then they will develop gradually a taste for many nutritious foods.
Meanwhile, offer fresh fruits for snacks. They help fill in the vitamins until children get more taste for vegetables (All my children were avid vegetable eaters at an early age- even okra, spinach, broccoli...)
Give small servings, about a tablespoon per preparation for a toddler.
"Prabhupäda once asked Nandaräni däsi if her children ate däl and capätis every day. At that time the children were aged one and two. Nandaräni said yes, and Prabhupäda approved. He said that if children ate däl and capätis from the time they were young, they would always be healthy. He said the däl should be very hot and that she should soak the capäti until it was very soft, and then the children could eat it. He said she could mix rice in the däl as well. Prabhupäda said that urad däl is the best, then mung, then lentils, but that soybeans are not needed."-Prabhupada nectar 5
To encourage younger children to eat a whole chapati, make them smaller ones when you are cooking.
Cut foods like pancakes or toast into bite size pieces to encourage eating.
Encourage at least one bite of everything on child’s plate to create a taste for a variety of foods.
Often it is better is to actually sit down and help feed a restless toddler. They don’t have great attention spans for finishing a meal and will therefore eat better.
Do not force a child to eat. Try a little game instead: Say “Deposit 50 cents please" to hear a story and repeatedly so the story may continue.
Try to make special requests for certain preparations whenever they come up.
Make sure meals are on time. Otherwise you’ll be reaching for snacks to soothe hungry little stomachs.
You can grate many foods until more teeth come in or use a fork to mash them. You can grate chapatis and soak them in dahl to soften, then mash with a fork.
To feed a grape to a toddler, slice it in half and squeeze one half until the skin pops off. You can bite or break the kernels off of popcorn, too, for a young child.
Never allow a toddler to walk around while eating. It's risky and messy.
Teach older childrwn also to always sit while eating. Be extra careful with hard candies and nuts and slippery things or lollipops with a stick.
Also beware of sticky things like dry sandesh or burfi that can stick in the throat.
Make sure kids get plenty of fresh air and exercise for good appetites.
“The mothers took care of the boys by massaging them with oil, bathing them, smearing their bodies with sandalwood pulp, decorating them with ornaments, chanting protective mantras, decorating their bodies with tilaka and giving them food." -SB10.13.23
THE QUESTION OF VITAMINS
Vitamin A is stored in the body and effects the liver. Beware, therefore, that most children’s vitamins contain large doses of Vitamin A since they are designed for meat eaters who eat few vegetables or fruits and little butter or ghee.

TEETHING
One suggestion is to wrap ice chips in a very clean white cloth and tie securely.
Make sure the cloth is well rinsed, free from any laundry soap residue (rinse thoroughly with first lemon juice and then pure water), and the chips cannot get loose.
"While sucking the breast, the babies smiled, and Their small teeth were visible. Their mothers Yashoda and Rohini, upon seeing those beautiful teeth, enjoyed great transcendental bliss." --SB 10.8.23

TOOTHCARE
Clean new teeth with a clean, coarse wash cloth. Baking soda is not recommended since it can be dangerous if swallowed on an empty stomach.
When he is older and able to spit, use a toothbrush with small amounts of flouride free (not good to swallow either), herbal toothpaste.

Let him watch you brush and then brush his own. Gradually give child more and more control over brushing his own teeth.
One idea is to thoroughly brush his teeth at bedtime and let him practice on his own in the morning.
When older, give a demonstration with a model how to brush properly. Allow the child to use a red disclosing tablet (ask your dentist for one or two) to demonstrate how areas may be missed after brushing.

In a hurry? Leave child’s toothbrush out with paste on it and tell him to brush. The brush is an indication to you whether the child brushed or not.

If proper care has been taken, a dentist isn’t necessary until the first permanent teeth come in. Then checkups are important.

Teach children as soon as possible to always wash their mouths after eating. Do it for them until they can reach the spicket or you can leave a cup of water for them to rinse with.

A good way to remember to wash children’s mouths is to check on theirs or remind them whenever you wash your own.

Make sure a child is not eating too may sweets (Neighbors like to give these away freely). Otherwise reserve sweets for meal time.

SLEEPING WITH BABY
I slept with all my babies, and found that it made life a lot easier. Babies actually have to awaken at night and having you nearby immediately soothes him and won’t disturb the rest of the family. You’ll get more sleep, too, by being close enough to immediately offer comfort and a breast for sucking. I got enough rest to still rise early every day. Babies are natural early risers, too, and if allowed to maintain that habit, it can become easily lifelong.

Baby should NOT sleep on the stomach nor be left alone for long amounts of time in that position. Stomach sleepers are especially vulnerable to ghost attacks (which may be a reason, I believe, behind SIDS).

CHILDREN’S SLEEP NEEDS
Preschool children (ages 3 to 5): 10 to 12 hours (including naps)
Age 6 to 12: at least 9 hours a night
Teenagers (ages 13 to 19): 8 1/2 to 9 hours
Before bedtime it’s best to limit sweets and distractions that make it difficult to unwind.
:
You are the trip I did not take;
You are the pearls I cannot buy;
You are my blue Italian lake;
You are my piece of foreign sky.
--Anne Campbell

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Power of Woman

(Revised 11/1/16)
Think about it: Feminism aims to "empower" women. But women are already powerful! Powerful like fire.

When utilized properly, fire lights the home, cooks the meals, greets the guests and gives warmth and cheer! But on the other hand, fire started by a single careless spark can devastate an entire neighborhood.

FIRE AND BUTTER
Similarly, in Srimad Bhagavatam verse 7.12.9 woman is compared to fire and man is compared to butter. Unless there is a plan how to utilize the combination of fire and butter properly, we end up with a mess. Unless men and women are careful when mixing together, not only may it bring trouble in their own lives but it affects the lives of an entire society. In SB 3.31.38 the Lord warns, "Just try to understand the mighty strength of My maya in the shape of woman, who by the mere movement of her eyebrows can keep even the greatest conquerors of the world under her grip!"

Srila Prabhupada says that responsible human beings can understand this while animalistic persons will become agitated whenever restrictions are advised (SB 7.12.9p)

Presently in developed countries, men and women are mixing liberally, apparently without a problem, but that doesn't mean they don't have suffering going on behind the scenes, or that they aren't at risk in some way. Headlines in the news can attest to that.

Our Krishna conscious society is meant to be different, and celibacy is a very important aspect of it, which means not indulging in unnecessary association with the opposite sex rather than encouraging the mixing of the sexes as normal. Materially speaking, this is not a popular idea.

Reporter: How many followers do you have throughout the world?
Srila Prabhupäda: For anything genuine, the followers may be very few. For something rubbish, the followers may be many. Still, we have about five thousand initiated disciples.
Reporter: Is the Krishna consciousness movement growing all the time?
Srila Prabhupäda: Yes, it is growing—but slowly. This is because we have so many restrictions. People do not like restrictions. --SSR 2, "Choosing a Spiritual Master: What is a Guru?"

MAYA'S ENTANGLEMENT
It is essential therefore for everyone to understand the Lord's material energy in the shape of woman. Maya has two powers, to distract and to cover, and certainly a woman is the greatest distraction and way of entanglement any man will ever know. In Vedic scripture, woman is referred to as stri. Stri means expansion. After marriage to a suitable mate, she is the source for expanding or increasing material existence in the shape of children, necessary home and household paraphernalia, relatives and a social life to share it all with, as well as other entanglements (SB 3.30.8p). So we have to be aware that, although family life may appear to multiply one's material happiness, at the same time the miseries multiply just as much. One must work very hard to support it all.

And, although this life is temporary and the material world full of dangers, a woman by nature strives to create a very comfortable living arrangement for everyone involved, so that we may forget all about such troubles. Normally, women are drawn toward bodily comforts and frivolities and attachment for family, home, friendships and socializing. For these reasons they are considered less intelligent (SB 4.3.11) by Vedic authority, as are the men who are overly attached to them, forgetting to lead toward the real goal of human life.

This is an honest analysis called sankhya, only for the purpose of becoming disentangled from material bondage or stri bandham.

WOMAN'S POWER CONTROLLED BY SHYNESS
Now, when a first class, powerful woman becomes aware of her nature and charming powers, when she's aware that her body is designed to be captivating, she keeps aloof from the opposite sex, properly covers her bodily form and behaves soberly in public rather than engaging in loud talking, joking and laughing (especially with one's beloved) in a public place, drawing others' attention away from Krishna.  Prabhupada says that shyness is a woman's natural protection and beauty:

“Powerful women are controlled by shyness. Therefore, shyness is important for women. Once this control valve is loosened, women can create havoc in society by adultery. Adultery means production of unwanted children known as varna-sankara, who disturb the world.” SB 1.9.27 purport SB 1.9.27

"Shyness is a particular extra-natural beauty of the fair sex, and it commands respect from the opposite sex."

In other words, she will generate genuine love and respect from others instead of infatuation and later disgust.
KEEPING COVERED AND SOBER
Queen Draupadi took shelter of Krsna so not to be disrobed. By nature a good woman is ashamed to be seen scantily clad or improperly dressed before any man other than her husband. Prabhupada also instructed:

"Cover the head. Cover the head and give her this red. Cover it nicely. You see, here. You should keep your wife always covered. (laughter) Don't allow this miniskirt or minishirt. (laughter) According to Vedic civilization, respectable woman cannot be seen even by the sun. Asüryam pasyat. How can you avoid sun? But it is said like that. The sun will find difficulty to see one man's woman. Yes...Sun will also hanker after her: 'How can I see that woman?' (chuckles) So woman should be always in privacy. They should be respectfully protected by the husband and the father. That is the way. " (wedding, 5/6/69, Boston)

"In the year 1945 Prabhupada witnessed this scene while travelling on a train: A young girl riding on the train was traveling for the first time to her husband's house. Her face was covered with a veil, as she was observing the ceremony that after puberty and after engagement the girl goes to her husband's house, carrying presentations from her mother and father. But another modernized girl was mocking the village girl and reached over and pulled at her veil. The city girl did this once and then did it again. But when she tried a third time, the village girl slapped her in the face. 'Yes, you have done right,' said Srila Prabhupada, who was seated nearby in the same train car.

"Years later while telling the story, Prabhupada explained, 'That city girl was thinking, "What is this nonsense?" and she wanted to criticize. But when the other girl gave her a good slap, the whole train laughed. Shyness is the only protection for them. But now there is no modesty left. That is a woman's beauty, but we are breaking that, and so there is not beauty, no attraction." ( Prabhupad Nectar 2.139)

Srila Prabhupada also praised the women in the Parsee community whom he said were so covered that only their eyes showed. Immodest dress, he said, is a sign of the influence of Kali. “By the influence of the age of Kali, even a pauper is proud of his penny, and the women are always dressed in an overly attractive fashion to victimize the minds of men,”--SB 1.17.24p

Prabhupada explained to one female disciple about her wanting to wear shortened pants, "The attraction is already there. Don't aggravate it." A Christian author also queried, “When you dress with the top two or three buttons of your blouse unbuttoned, this looks provocative...It looks to a man as though you must design to expose yourself and tantalize his passions…”

And also in the presence of the supremely pure Personality of Godhead, Krishna, we should be modest in our appearance: "There was a demigoddess named Kotara who was worshiped by Banasura, and their relationship was as mother and son. Mother Kotara was upset that Banasura's life was in danger, so she appeared on the scene. With naked body and scattered hair, she stood before Lord Krsna. Sri Krsna did not like the sight of this naked woman, and to avoid seeing her, He turned His face." --KB63

EYES AVERTED
Vaisnava Thakura Prabhodhananda Sarasvati lamented how the opposite sex can intoxicate one with a single glance and make the whole body burn with lust. Such attraction can force one to give up all good qualities and sense of shame and to go against guru and scriptures. To set a powerful example and to show how serious one must be in spiritual advancement, acarya Bilvamangala Thakur voluntarily blinded himself after lusting over a beautiful brahmana woman.

Another example was Laxmana, the brother of Lord Rama. When asked for a description of Mother Sita by the Vanaras after she had been kidnapped, he was at a loss for words because he said he only looked at her lotus feet!

Srimati Radharani also remained blind until Krishna appeared before Her. That's because She is our Supreme Guru, come to teach us that our eyes are meant to see Krishna only or for engaging in His devotional service.

By keeping such transcendental association, we can discover that averting the eyes in the presence of the opposite sex or at least keeping them from wandering unnecessarily (especially always looking to see who is looking) is natural, easy and saves time that would have been wasted in material entanglement.

UP ON THE ROOF
Parda, separation of the sexes, is meant for maintaining female respectability. A lady does not mix unrestrictedly with any man, including her husband, because she considers herself to be Krishna's property, meant for executing His supreme will. Good women are meant to be upheld in high regard and protected:

"The ladies of the palace observed strict pardä, and instead of coming down in the open air where Lord Krishna and others were assembled, the ladies of the palace went up on the top of the palace and from there paid their respects to Lord Krishna by showers of flowers. It is definitely stated here that the ladies were smiling there on the top of the palace, checked by shyness."

Parda gives a woman a special charm and also such a woman is compared to a field in which good seed may be sown. The better the quality of the field, the better the children produced, and the better off the entire world will be.

"Mother is considered the field, ksetra. But when I till the ksetra, field, the production is mine. This idea. The land may be yours, but if I plow on it and produce food grains, that is mine...Even in other's wife, if somebody begets child, the child belongs to the father. " --1/11/77, Allahabad

Prabhupäda: Woman should not divert her attention to anyone else except her husband. That will keep her pure. That is the Vedic culture.--Srila Prabhupada in Fiji, 1977

PARDA IN THE HOME
Husband and wife are also instructed to observe some form of restriction:
"If he (one's husband) is not intelligent enough to know that she is the gateway to hellish life (and vice versa), he may indulge in her association very liberally. This is restricted for those who aspire to ascend to the transcendental platform. Even fifty years ago in Hindu society, such association was restricted. A wife could not see her husband during the daytime. Householders even had different residential quarters. The internal quarters of a residential house were for the woman, and the external quarters were for the man. Acceptance of service rendered by a woman may appear very pleasing, but one should be very cautious in accepting such service."

This isn't just for their own spiritual progress, but for the welfare of others. Therefore, in more than a few places, the display of affection between husband and wife is limited to a "solitary place" (SB 6.17.7-8, SB 3.30-8) or is done in good taste:
"One indirectly embraces the husband by sending the son to embrace him because the son is developed as part of the mother's body. The embrace of the son is not exactly the embrace of husband and wife from the sexual point of view, but the embrace is satisfaction from the affectionate point of view. The embrace of the eyes is more effective in the conjugal relation, and thus according to Srila Jiva Gosvämi there is nothing wrong in such an exchange of feeling between husband and wife." (SB 1.11.13p)

PARDA IN OUR TEMPLES WOULD BE IDEAL
Devotee (1): Srila Prabhupada, one boy in Sydney, he has been a devotee for a few years, three or four years, but now he has fallen away because of lusty association, I suppose, or bad association. So is this unwilling or willing, because he has become attracted to women again?

Prabhupada: That is one of the defects, our society, that women are there, and one falls victim of these women. And it is not possible to keep the society strictly for men. That is also not possible. But actually no woman should live in the temple. (Morning Walk: Perth, May 14, 1975)

AMERICA ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO
From Ladies Home Journal, January 1908:
"Q. Will you answer a question that has greatly perplexed me? Is it proper to kiss one's betrothed in public?
A. No, it is exceedingly bad form. Such expressions of affection should be kept for private delectation."

Ladies Home Journal, October 1906:
"Q. Is it ever permissible for a man to take a woman's arm?
A. Not unless he is a policeman and is guiding her to the lock-up! It is extremely provincial."

Also from "The Canons of Good Breeding", 1839 (pp 87-88):
"It is in bad ton [taste] for a newly married couple, when going to an evening party, to enter the room together. Some older person, or some relative of hers, should take the bride in. It is in better taste that, on all occasions of appearing in public, the pair should not be exactly together. The recognition of that relation should as much as possible be confined to the fireside. It is not pleasant to see persons thrusting their mutual devotedness into the eye of society."

MORE QUOTES
"Demons arrange many kinds of performances to see the glaring beauty of a beautiful woman. Here it is stated that they saw the girl playing with a ball. Sometimes the demoniac arrange for so-called sports, like tennis, with the opposite sex. The purpose of such sporting is to see the bodily construction of the beautiful girl and enjoy a subtle sex mentality."--SB 3.20.35

"Unnecessary association with women, even with one's mother, sister or daughter, is strictly prohibited. This is human civilization. A civilization that allows men to mix unrestrictedly with women is an animal civilization. In Kali-yuga, people are extremely liberal, but mixing with women and talking with them as equals actually constitutes an uncivilized way of life." --SB 7.12.9

"If we can train up nice wife, or the society trains the girls to become nice wife, she becomes a great source of energy to the husband....And if they are polluted, they become source of the sankara, varna-sankara. The exact example of varna-sankara is the hippies at the present moment." (Lecture: Bg 1.41-42, July 29 1973, London)

A WORD ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS
Comedian Chris Rock bluntly remarked on stage about the currently popular male and female friendships outside of a marriage. He said that a male friend in reality is nothing but a name on the woman's (have-sex-with- me-next) list. SB 11.17.33p also states, “When a man jokes with a woman, an intimate, sexually-charged atmosphere is immediately created, and this should also be avoided for those aspiring to practice celibacy."

Then there is this observation (author unknown):  "I’m afraid many of us don’t understand the danger of unfaithfulness today. We think we can engage in a deep and meaningful friendship with a woman other than our wife without considering the threat such relationships pose to our marriage. We think we can build an emotional dependency on a man other than our husband without introducing the danger of ending up in bed with that man. We blithely assume our marriages are indestructible. That’s why too often, after our emotions have produced their physical fruit, we wake up shocked to be caught in adultery."

There is really only one way to have a truly loving exchange with almost anyone- keep it restricted to Krsna's teachings and service. Just like one admires Krishna's energy in the form of a forest fire- but not too close!

It is really based upon one's spiritual maturity.

MIXING IS FOR SUDRAS
"Too much attraction to women will lead one to fall into the association of südras, who can easily take advantage of mingling with women without restriction. In this present age of Kali, when people are ...very bad because of a südra mentality—such free mingling is prominent. Among the higher classes—brähmana, ksatriya and vaisya—there is no chance for men to mingle with women freely, but in the südra community such mingling is open. Because there is no cultural education in this age of Kali, everyone is spiritually untrained, and everyone is therefore to be considered südra (asuddhäh südra-kalpä hi brähmanäh kali-sambhaväh). When all the people become südras, certainly they are very bad (mandäh sumanda-matayah). Thus they manufacture their own way of life, with the result that they gradually become unfortunate (manda-bhägyäh), and furthermore they are always disturbed by various circumstances." --SB 7.15.70p

"This kind of embracing, kissing, on the public street, they're never indulged in India. Especially among the high class, brähmana, ksatriya, vaisya. No. The südras, they also do it very carefully. But südras can do. Prostitution, these things are the low-class. The high-class, no, not allowed. The high-class society, a woman cannot mix with any man. Especially unmarried. The fathers, parents, will not allow." -SB 6.1 lecture

Unfortunately, in Kali yuga the sudras now possess seats of power and the media which compounds the problem due to their bad examples and policies. And Indian culture, too, is gradually breaking down.

INSPIRATION OR DEVASTATION
Being born a woman, however, is not the problem. Prabhupada says there is a great advantage to being born a woman (KB 23, KB90; SB 1.8.20p). Foremost, it is her submissive nature which makes it easy for her to accept Krishna's authority. She is able to accept His instructions and the words of His pure devotees about being careful in the association of the opposite sex because these descriptions show how women are invested with great power. Power to do great good or great harm. Power to is to be an inspiration for man or devastating maya. Power to uplift an entire society or destroy it. You want "freedom of choice"? This is the real choice.