Pages

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Parda Part II

(A continuation on the subject introduced in the post entitled "The Power of Woman". Updated 2/28/15)

Parda refers to the separation of the sexes. Srila Prabhupada mentions it in Srimad Bhagavatam, how it was observed by higher classes of women, but then comments that even a sudra woman who prefers not to mix with men is respectable. You can tell that feminine bashfulness was very much appreciated by Srila Prabhupada.

"Shyness is a particular extra-natural beauty of the fair sex, and it commands respect from the opposite sex. This custom (see SB 1.10.16) was observed even during the days of the Mahäbhärata, i.e., more than five thousand years ago. It is only the less intelligent persons not well versed in the history of the world who say that observance of separation of female from male is an introduction of the Mohammedan period in India. This incident from the Mahäbhärata period proves definitely that the ladies of the palace observed strict pardä (restricted association with men), and instead of coming down in the open air where Lord Krishna and others were assembled, the ladies of the palace went up on the top of the palace and from there paid their respects to Lord Krishna by showers of flowers. It is definitely stated here that the ladies were smiling there on the top of the palace, checked by shyness. This shyness is a gift of nature to the fair sex, and it enhances their beauty and prestige, even if they are of a less important family or even if they are less attractive. We have practical experience of this fact. A sweeper woman commanded the respect of many respectable gentlemen simply by manifesting a lady's shyness. Half-naked ladies in the street do not command any respect, but a shy sweeper's wife commands respect from all." -SB 1.10.16p

Prabhupada's mother also observed the following: "Even fifty or sixty years ago in Calcutta, all respectable ladies would go to a neighboring place riding on a palanquin carried by four men. The palanquin was covered with soft cotton, and in that way there was no chance to see a respectable lady traveling in public. Ladies, especially those coming from respectable families, could not be seen by ordinary men. This system is still current in remote places. The Sanskrit word asürya-paçyä indicates that a respectable lady could not be seen even by the sun. In the oriental culture this system was very much prevalent and was strictly observed by respectable ladies, both Hindu and Muslim. We have actual experience in our childhood that our mother would not go next door to her house to observe an invitation by walking; she would go in either a carriage or a palanquin carried by four men. "-CC Adi 13.114p

PARDA STILL ALIVE IN INDIA
an excerpt from Religion and Rajput Women, by Lindsey Harlan:

"The most striking feature of a Rajput woman's home life is an observance of some form of parda. Parda, which literally means 'curtain', refers to the seclusion of married women. Rajput women refer to parda as the most characteristic aspect of a Rajput woman's identity. Their interpretation of the term, however, has proven fluid.

"Traditionally parda referred to the division of a household into women's quarters (the zanana ) and men's quarters (the mardana ). The men of the family (husbands and brothers, fathers and sons) entered the women's quarters for brief visits. Sometimes they ate there or slept there with their wives. When they came, they announced their presence in advance by coughing, shuffling, or some similar cues. Non family men were excluded from entering the women's quarters and married women were barred from entering the men's quarters. One middle-aged member of a royal household told me that even as a child she was not allowed into the mardana of her father's household, so strict was her family.

"Because of this strict parda, women generally did not worship in local temples (though they might occasionally travel veiled and chaperoned to faraway pilgrimage places or go briefly to a nearby shrine and worship there with their faces hidden from public view). Nor did they participate in religious ceremonies such as festivals, unless these were celebrated in the zananas of royalty or the nobility. Moreover, they lacked easy access to temples located in the mardana. For their visits special arrangements were always made.

"Today some households still maintain a rigid interpretation of parda. Others have only recently begun to relax it. Most women today practice some modified form of seclusion. Whatever form parda takes, it is often summed up by the statement, 'We Rajput women do not mix'. By this is meant that although most Rajput women move about freely within their households—there being no longer a formal division of mardana and zanana —they do not mix or mix only minimally with male guests and then only with those male guests who are old family friends. Therefore, every Rajput social event I attended was really two events: the men gathered in one part of a household to enjoy one another's company and the women gathered in another part to discuss things of interest to women.

"In accordance with parda, most noblewomen avoid going out in public. They have themselves driven across the street rather than walk, for the street is the quintessentially public place. A few women occasionally run errands in town, but when they do they take along a driver and perhaps a friend as chaperone. Servants and children do most of the grocery shopping. When necessary, Rajput women send servants to summon merchants and tailors to their homes. Most women will still not go into local temples, though some will visit outdoor sati and kuldevi shrines when their privacy can be ensured. It remains the case that women prefer to worship these and other divinities at home.

"While maintaining parda to this extent at home, many women have adapted it to suit the exigencies of travel. They more or less conform to the policy of 'when in Rome. . . .' Thus one royal woman told me that although she would never think of appearing in public in her home town, she would freely shop in the city of Pune (in Maharashtra) because no one there would recognize her. Similarly, many noblewomen who do not go out in Udaipur will go out in large cities, especially cities outside of Rajasthan. Still others from the Udaipur area will never show their faces in their thikanas but will run essential errands in Udaipur."

STRIVING FOR A HEALTHY BALANCE
Similarly, a young Indian woman visiting in the U.S. was observed to never go anywhere unescorted. Of course, this instance surely was bewildering to western women with zero understanding of what it means to be cultured. Nor are such standards meant for all classes of women. Srila Prabhupada mentioned such women as "respectable". And in a predominantly sudra society, we are almost forced to mix. Still, Srila Prabhupada obviously wanted the higher standards to be made known (SB 1.10.16p) to us through his purports and lectures, something to cook on the back burner as we go about our daily lives and increase in our desire to make spiritual progress individually as well as collectively. The cultivation of first class ladies is the method for attracting good progeny to this planet, who can lead human society and save the world.

Meanwhile, when we must mix, since not all husbands can afford to or desire to keep their women from becoming public servants, we can keep the heart of a mother, neither amorous or exploitative. It's only natural, in order for business to go on, that we must talk to other men to some degree, but we can feel protective toward the Lord's servant and another mother's son, due to an ever -increasing Krishna consciousness and sense of duty for Srila Prabhupada's mission.

At the same time, we should be cautious and alert. Unless one is on a high platform of pure devotional service, the subtle desire to control a man by one's womanly charms or to gain male followers and attention for one's own sense gratification should never be overlooked. The Hitopadesha warns that as long as we have any material desire within, even our ability to discriminate with our intelligence about whether this is true or not, is hampered. Srimad Bhagavatam similarly instructs us, in our endeavor to control our senses, to have a healthy distrust of our own minds: "If the yogi gives his mind a chance and does not restrain it, his mind will give facility to enemies like lust, anger and greed, and they will doubtlessly kill the yogi."

Furthermore, if one wishes to develop some respectability in today's situation or at least to avoid the embarrassment and frustration due to over familiarity, from which ultimately brings clamoring for equal rights, one should not dally or talk to male devotees and coworkers more than necessary. And as a married woman, especially, this shows respect towards one's husband.

Besides, tongue control is the way toward making rapid spiritual advancement. (Bg 10.38p), and it will happen naturally as the mind becomes absorbed in Krishna thought, making unrelated social interaction unappealing. Prabhupada therefore instructed that "One should associate with women only for important business and not otherwise." (SB 7.12.9p) This applies to women as well, in dealing with men.

Actually, it is a fine art how to communicate respectfully with the opposite sex. One way is that a married woman can speak to another man through a third party such as her spouse or the man's spouse. For example, when a respectable man is present in a room, instead of speaking to him directly, she may ask her husband about what the man requires or how to be of service or perhaps to make a comment to pass on to him. Otherwise, whenever speaking directly is unavoidable, decent men respect women who keep themselves a mystery on personal matters.

Sastra states that a man and woman not married to each other, however, should not be alone together, even if the woman is a daughter, sister or mother, what to speak of others (SB 9.19.17). This also applies to an older woman and a younger man who are not relatives. And the word "alone" doesn't just mean alone in a room together, either. It can include a public place at a time that no one else happens to be around or even chatting together privately in an Internet chat. Being alert can avert unwanted situations from developing, both subtle and gross.

AN EXPERIMENT
Now, in the above article about the remnants of Rajput society, first class ladies still have the prerogative to send a servant or son to shop or carry out errands or, if they must travel some place, they may go chaperoned. Intrigued, the authoress here decided to experiment with this idea while living in a more conservative part of India. Well, there was no need to "send a servant" (although occasionally she'd send one of her sons when necessary), since the subji wallas came right to her door. What was the result? She felt much more graceful and pampered rather than being just another body down at the market place, forced to go there for survival, sometimes dodging mud puddles, herds of sheep, runaway water buffalo, beggars and interested men along the way (besides the fact that she dislikes shopping). Also she discovered a Manu samhita verse stating that subji wallas are one of the few males a respectable-lady-wannabe can pursue a conversation with (about subji, of course)!

RESPECTING RESPECTABILITY
In closing, the following article may be considered, therefore, super dharma-patni challenges to glean from... or to at least honor. It was taken from a newsletter written by HG Radha Govinda Swami (ACBSP). The source from this excerpt is unknown:

"There are certain guidelines that limit the behavior of cultured women is to protect them from degradation. One verse states:
Sancaro rati-mandiravadhi sakhikarnavadhi vyahrtam / cetah
kantha-samihitavadhi ahaman api maunavadhi / hasyam cadhara-pallvavadhi
padanyasavadhi prekitam / sarvam savadhi navadhih kulabhusam premnah param kevalam

"A chaste wife does not leave her house. She never goes in public without her husband, not even to the market, cinema, or to social gatherings. Her movements are limited as she only goes out when accompanied by her husband. The only place she can go alone is to her husband's bed.

"Her voice is sweet and low and does not travel further than the ears of her friends. She should never speak loudly so that others can hear her voice. No man should hear her speak except her husband. This is the nature of a chaste woman in Vedic society.

"Her mind should only think of her husband's form, qualities, and activities. She should never think of other men, but she must always remember her husband's smiling, kind words, duties, and so forth. In this way she controls her mind.

"When a chaste wife gets angry, she observes 'mana' or even 'maha-mana'. This means that when she gets angry at her husband, she manifests it by observing silence. She refuses to speak and in this way punishes him. She continues to serve him water or cook for him, she simply stops talking. I have seen this personally in my home where sometimes my brother's wife gets angry, however she has never given up her husband's service. Sometimes she will send her child to serve him or call him to take his meal, but she won't speak herself. This is mana. This anger is another kind of love. In our Gaudiya Sampradaya we know that Radha is very often angry with Krishna and this is a very high stage of love. By this mana, Sri Krishna is pleased.

"A chaste wife may laugh, but never loudly so others can hear. She can smile as much as she likes. Smiling means the eyes and lips are transformed in some pleasant way without raising her voice. Her glance is limited to her home and her husband. She does not gaze beyond her own footsteps and never looks at anyone else. This high standard is observed because Cupid resides in the eyes of lusty persons and can easily captivate one. Thus padam, her glance does not exceed her footsteps.

"'Sarvam savadhi' means that every dealing, or every action, is limited. For a chaste wife only one thing is not limited, her love for her husband. Her love for him has no bounds and cannot be limited by time, place, or any other condition on this planet. She has very deep love and faith in her husband and is totally surrendered to him.

"There are many descriptions of the wife's duties to her husband. Nowadays, some devotees think these rules are not practical to follow. I accept this, but it is more important to understand why. The reason is because modern society has abandoned this practice for so many years, but we can still see that it is being followed in cultured society, so we should strive to come to that standard. At least we should hear and know what the actual standards of behavior are for the devotees, a king, and so on. Everything is clearly described in the Vedic literature so we can gain knowledge. We read about how Rupa and Sanatana Gosvamis lived in Vrindavana. We hear about their austerities, how simply they lived, how they studied and wrote, how they chanted, how they slept, at least we read; at least we hear, and then we'll develop the desire to come to that standard.

"We should hear and preach about Vedic standards of behavior regarding wife,husband, son, father, master, and servant, because everything described in the Vedic literature is meant to bring peace and prosperity in human society. The lawmaker is God, Krishna. He is not envious of anyone and He knows how to help us. A wife must take help from her husband, and a husband must protect his chaste wife, these are their duties. This is a relationship of love and it is very nice. If a husband and wife have faith and respect for each other and perform their respective duties, surely there lives will be very peaceful and happy and they will be able to cultivate Krishna consciousness and ultimately go back to Godhead. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna." -RGS

One may wish to read further about how "social restrictions" can turn out to be great blessings, as reflected upon in the post Lessons from the Gopis.