(an excerpt from a post by Jivan Mukta prabhu [ACBSP]))Another lesson I learn from the abuse of Draupadi is the distinction between personality and character. This is how I've come to see the differences between the two terms:
Personality is something one is born with. It is like a fingerprint, and varies from person to person. It does not indicate a person's moral or ethical condition.
Character, on the other hand, is acquired. It is learned and cultivated through training and education. One can imitate and duplicate character, but not personality.
Draupadi was born of fire. Therefore her fiery and at times impulsive nature (personality) is not at all surprising. Her emotional speech to the Assembly and her railing against Yudhisthira is indicative of her personality.
Her decision on how to act, however, indicates her character. For, even though she complained to Yudhisthira to immediately declare war on the Kauravas, she ultimately chose to obediently accept and follow her husband's decision. This is chastity, faithfulness, and loyalty "for better or for worse." Also, even though she was, in one sense, abused by the actions and inaction of all the assembled men, she never rejected either in principle or in practice the authority of or the protection by men. Quite the contrary, she insisted that the men provide her that protection and exercise their authority according to moral codes. She did not start an equal rights movement, demanding female representation in that Assembly.
Dhrtarastra granted Draupadi three boons, the first of which was used to gain Yudhisthira's freedom, and the second the freedom of Bhima, Arjuna, and the twins. The third boon she refused. She did not want to win back the kingdom for her husbands and thus forever have them suffer the humiliation of having been saved by their wife. Instead she said, "O King, these my husbands, freed from the wretched state of bondage, will be able to achieve prosperity by their own virtuous acts!" (Sabha Parva, Ch.70) These same husbands who were unable to prevent her abuse! She didn't emasculate them; rather, she provided them an opportunity through which they could display their true masculinity.
It is especially Draupadi's character that Prabhupada wanted our daughters (and also the rest of us) to study, although her personality makes for lively entertainment.
QUESTION: Could you explain why they would suffer humiliation if they were saved by their wife?
This is best explained by considering the pastimes of Sita and Rama.
"She could have killed Ravana with the fire of her pativratya, but she respects Rama so much that she wants him to rescue her." ---Hanuman said of Sita (Sundara Kanda, Ch. 9):
"Apart from all these, there is this to be considered, and that is: It will not be a credit to Rama if I should be rescued by you."Sita said to Hanuman, who wanted to take her back to Rama at Prasravana (Sundara Kanda, Ch. 15):
Sita wanted to give Rama the credit and didn't want to deny him the opportunity and right to fulfil his dharma as her husband and protector. Likewise, Draupadi also allowed her husbands the dignity to win back the kingdom by their own strength and merits, and not hers.