“King Puranjana then began to think of his past dealings with his wife. He recalled that his wife would not take her dinner until he had finished his, that she would not take her bath until he had finished his, and that she was always very much attached to him, so much so that if he would sometimes become angry and chastise her, she would simply remain silent and tolerate his misbehavior." SB 4.28.19
PURPORT
"A wife is always supposed to be submissive to her husband. Submission, mild behavior and subservience are qualities in a wife which make a husband very thoughtful of her."-- SB 4.28.19
"Üsä pleased Aniruddha with valuable garments, flowers, garlands, scents and incense. By his bedside sitting place were other paraphernalia for residential purposes—nice drinks such as milk and sherbet and nice eatables which could be chewed or swallowed. Above all, she pleased him with sweet words and very obliging service. Üsä worshiped Aniruddha as if he were the Supreme Personality of Godhead. By her excellent service, Üsä made Aniruddha forget all other things and was able to draw his attention and love to her without deviation."--KB 62
NO MATTER HOW GREAT SHE MAY BE
"Even in the dealings of Lord Krishna with His different queens, it has been seen that although the queens were the daughters of great kings, they placed themselves before Lord Krishna as His maidservants. However great a woman may be, she must place herself before her husband in this way; that is to say, she must be ready to carry out her husband’s orders and please him in all circumstances. Then her life will be successful..." -SB 9.3.10p
THE STORY OF PRINCESS DEVAHUTI
Devahuti was also the daughter of a great personality, an emperor and devotee, Syambhuva Manu. Her father did not hesitate to hand her over to an apparently impoverished sage, Kardama Muni, knowing him to be factually an "unpolished gem", possessing fantastic transcendental opulences from within. Devahuti herself was eager to become his wife, having heard about his good qualities from the wise sage Narada. It was a marriage match foretold by the Lord Himself. The father therefore said to Kardama, "Therefore please accept her, O chief of the brähmanas, for I offer her with faith and she is in every respect fit to be your wife and take charge of your household duties." (SB 3.22.11) And Kardama Muni thoughtfully accepted.
As the story continues we hear how wholeheartedly Devahuti took to the service of her husband:
TRANSLATION
"After the departure of her parents, the chaste woman Devahüti, who could understand the desires of her husband, served him constantly with great love, as Bhaväni, the wife of Lord Siva, serves her husband." -SB 3.23.1
PURPORT
"The specific example of Bhaväni is very significant...Bhaväni, or Pärvati, the daughter of the King of the Himalayas, selected Lord Siva, who appears to be just like a beggar, as her husband. In spite of her being a princess, she undertook all kinds of tribulations to associate with Lord Siva, who did not even have a house, but was sitting underneath the trees and passing his time in meditation. Although Bhaväni was the daughter of a very great king, she used to serve Lord Siva just like a poor woman.
"Similarly, Devahüti was the daughter of an emperor, Sväyambhuva Manu, yet she preferred to accept Kardama Muni as her husband. She served him with great love and affection, and she knew how to please him. Therefore, she is designated here as sädhvi, which means 'a chaste, faithful wife.' Her rare example is the ideal of Vedic civilization. Every woman is expected to be as good and chaste as Devahüti or Bhaväni." SB 3.23.1p
TRANSLATION
"O Vidura, Devahüti served her husband with intimacy and great respect, with control of the senses, with love and with sweet words.Working sanely and diligently, she pleased her very powerful husband, giving up all lust, pride, envy, greed, sinful activities and vanity.The daughter of Manu, who was fully devoted to her husband, looked upon him as greater even than providence. Thus she expected great blessings from him. Having served him for a long time, she grew weak and emaciated due to her religious observances." SB 3.23.4-5
It is interesting that she served her husband for a "long time" before receiving any blessings. It is certainly true that relationships take time. Many people make the mistake of cutting them off prematurely, when actually it takes much time to really get to know another person and how to get along. In this regard, perhaps that is why patience is a God given opulence among faithful women (Bg 10.34).
TRANSLATION CONTINUED
"Seeing her condition, Kardama, the foremost of celestial sages, was overcome with compassion and spoke to her in a voice choked with great love." SB 3.23.4-5
PURPORT
"The wife is expected to be of the same category as the husband. She must be prepared to follow the principles of the husband, and then there will be happy life. If the husband is a devotee and the wife is materialistic, there cannot be any peace in the home. The wife must see the tendencies of the husband and must be prepared to follow him.... Of course, if the husband is as great as Kardama Muni, then a very good result accrues from following him.
"But even if the husband is not a great devotee like Kardama Muni, it is the wife's duty to adapt herself according to his mentality. That makes married life very happy.
"It is also mentioned herein that by following the strict vows of a chaste woman, Princess Devahüti became very skinny, and therefore her husband became compassionate. He knew that she was the daughter of a great king and yet was serving him just like an ordinary woman. She was reduced in health by such activities, and he became compassionate and addressed her as follows. -SB 3.23.4-5p
TRANSLATION
"Kardama Muni said: O respectful daughter of Sväyambhuva Manu, today I am very much pleased with you for your great devotion and most excellent loving service. Since the body is so dear to embodied beings, I am astonished that you have neglected your own body to use it on my behalf." SB 3.23.6
PURPORT
"It is indicated here that one's body is very dear, yet Devahüti was so faithful to her husband that not only did she serve him with great devotion, service and respect, but she did not even care for her own health. That is called selfless service. It appears that Devahüti had no sense pleasure, even with her husband, otherwise she would not have deteriorated in health. Acting to facilitate Kardama Muni's engagement in spiritual elevation, she continually assisted him, not caring for bodily comfort. It is the duty of a faithful and chaste wife to help her husband in every respect, especially when the husband is engaged in Krishna consciousness." ---SB 3.23.6p
But that's not all. Being very pleased by his wife, Kardama felt obliged to reciprocate with his extraordinary wife by producing fabulous opulence and fulfilling her desire to become a mother.
SUBMISSION CONQUERS THE HEART "According to the Vedic law...a woman must be trained to be submissive to the will of her husband. Westerners contend that this is a slave mentality for the wife, but factually it is not; it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be." -SB 9.3.10p
Prabhupada: This is psychology. If woman is chaste, even though she is not very beautiful, she will be liked by the husband.(Conversation: July 10, 1975, Chicago
IT'S NOT TOO LATE
Female disciple: It seems hard to change one’s mentality when one is not already very submissive.
Prabhupäda: That’s up to you. That requires determination. This I was explaining. Anyone who is seeing woman, he’s attracted. But if he is so determined, “No, I’ll have no more sex life,” then he is safe. Not that because I am thinking of woman I must have. No. I must know, “I am sannyäsi. I’ve taken vow before my guru. How can I? No.”
Mind may be disturbed. Mind’s business is to become disturbed. Accept and reject. But I should not be under my mind. That is called gosvämi, not servant of the mind. Mind should be servant, that is all. Otherwise it will be very difficult—mäyä is very strong. So I must be determined.- Fiji 1976
Lord Vishnu says, "Such women whose early life was spent with [non]meritorious and vicious indulgences and in their later period become pativrata, also attain My abode." -the Padma Purana