Updated 5/15/18
Prabhupada writes: "The husband is a very intimate friend; therefore, the wife must render service just like an intimate friend, and at the same time she must understand that the husband is superior in position, and thus she must offer him all respect. A man’s psychology and woman’s psychology are different. As constituted by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed."
The following are some things to become aware of when dealing with a man. First of all, there are different natures, so what is written here may not seem necessary for every man. There are men mostly ruled by goodness, those ruled by passion, those ruled by ignorance and those ruled by a combination of passion and ignorance along with their various temperaments. In other words, not all men are the warrior-like, controlling types who need respect more than air. There are those who are more patient and naturally respectful, as well as the more sentimental sudra, who can tolerate being ordered around, even by a woman. But the ways suggested below can help these men, too, feel respected instead of invisible or taken for granted, as the divorce rate for nice guys indicates.
MARYADA VYATIKRAMA
First off, the offense maryada vyatikrama in particular must be mentioned. Vaisnava etiquette is the ornament of a devotee, the icing on the cake, so although it doesn't apply solely to dealing with one's husband, the avoidance of this offense in one's spiritual life is extremely important and one's husband can provide a good way to learn about and practice avoiding it. SB 3.4.26p states "One should be very careful of transgressing the law of maryädä-vyatikrama because by so doing one loses his duration of life, his opulence, fame and piety and the blessings of all the world. To be well versed in the transcendental science necessitates awareness of the techniques of spiritual science."
Maryada vyatikrama means “impertinently surpassing a greater personality". For one thing, when a superior is present, let them speak rather than trying to speak for them. A good example was set when Advaita Acarya, although on the level of the Supreme Lord Himself, always felt Himself a servant of the Lord. Thus, he redirected to Lord Caitanya, who was present at the time, a question that he was asked by Vallabhacarya (CC Antya 7.103-8), and then Lord Caitanya answered. Sri Advaita prabhu was not eager to answer the question himself, although he was fully capable.
Before knowing about this, I've mistakenly done the opposite at least a dozen times. The worst case was when a large group of students was visiting at a prominent Iskcon temple. Overwhelmed with the desire to preach, I ignorantly took over a question and answer session in the presence of two senior Prabhupada disciples! Even if they were not Prabhupada disciples, their birth as men senior to me would also have put them in a position worthy of more respect. Yet, being both two very tolerant and merciful Vaisnavas, they allowed me to continue speaking without even a hint of objection or annoyance. That doesn't mean, however, I wish to repeat such a blunder ever again!
Fortunately for me, my husband has done me a service by gradually making me aware of my mistake. In my younger days- being raised an American girl- I had tended to monopolize a conversation when other men were present, including his teacher, a guru, a couple of temple presidents and more than a few GBC! At first, I had no clue what it was I was doing wrong; what he meant when he corrected me afterwards, until I came across the SB verse above. Of course, bad habits can die hard, so there have been times afterwards when I've had to literally bite my tongue to keep from blabbing freely, but I also discovered another remedy- I try to find something to keep busy with while he talks. I figure if something is really so important that was being discussed, I can count on my husband to inform me later on. Today, I can't say I am freed entirely from my long, western woman conditioning, but awareness is half the battle, right?
I've had my share of victories, too. Not too long ago there was a program at our temple in which Tulsi was to be worshiped afterwards. I came in rather late, just in time for the puja, but unaware of who the guests present were. Upon arrival, I was directed by my husband to set up Tulsi and her tray for worship.
Naturally, it would have made sense to just go ahead with Tulsi's worship as my next step, seeing that no one was approaching voluntarily. Yet, by Krishna's causeless mercy, I remembered to quickly scan the room to see who was present. I had missed him earlier, but there was a visiting sannyasi standing nearby, so I said, "Maharaja" and with my hands indicated he was welcome to proceed with Tulsi's puja. Which he did.
“My dear Sanätana, although you are the deliverer of the entire universe and although even the demigods and great saints are purified by touching you, it is the characteristic of a devotee to observe and protect the Vaisnava etiquette. Maintenance of the Vaisnava etiquette is the ornament of a devotee."--Antya 4.132
Srimad Bhagavatam also says, "A lowborn and abominable person who in this life becomes falsely proud, thinking 'I am great,' and who thus fails to show proper respect to one more elevated than he by birth, austerity, education, behavior, caste or spiritual order, is like a dead man even in this lifetime, and after death he is thrown headfirst into the hell known as Ksärakardama. There he must great suffer great tribulation at the hands of the agents of Yamaräja." -SB 5.26 summary
Similarly, someone may feel superior to her husband materially and or spiritually, but according to Krishna's arrangement for us, the man is given prerogative as the leader in the husband- and- wife relationship by Krishna’s social system. And even if he's not a devotee, but he provides for the wife…is that not worthy of respect?!
Prabhupada writes: "The husband is a very intimate friend; therefore, the wife must render service just like an intimate friend, and at the same time she must understand that the husband is superior in position, and thus she must offer him all respect. A man’s psychology and woman’s psychology are different. As constituted by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed."
The following are some things to become aware of when dealing with a man. First of all, there are different natures, so what is written here may not seem necessary for every man. There are men mostly ruled by goodness, those ruled by passion, those ruled by ignorance and those ruled by a combination of passion and ignorance along with their various temperaments. In other words, not all men are the warrior-like, controlling types who need respect more than air. There are those who are more patient and naturally respectful, as well as the more sentimental sudra, who can tolerate being ordered around, even by a woman. But the ways suggested below can help these men, too, feel respected instead of invisible or taken for granted, as the divorce rate for nice guys indicates.
MARYADA VYATIKRAMA
First off, the offense maryada vyatikrama in particular must be mentioned. Vaisnava etiquette is the ornament of a devotee, the icing on the cake, so although it doesn't apply solely to dealing with one's husband, the avoidance of this offense in one's spiritual life is extremely important and one's husband can provide a good way to learn about and practice avoiding it. SB 3.4.26p states "One should be very careful of transgressing the law of maryädä-vyatikrama because by so doing one loses his duration of life, his opulence, fame and piety and the blessings of all the world. To be well versed in the transcendental science necessitates awareness of the techniques of spiritual science."
Maryada vyatikrama means “impertinently surpassing a greater personality". For one thing, when a superior is present, let them speak rather than trying to speak for them. A good example was set when Advaita Acarya, although on the level of the Supreme Lord Himself, always felt Himself a servant of the Lord. Thus, he redirected to Lord Caitanya, who was present at the time, a question that he was asked by Vallabhacarya (CC Antya 7.103-8), and then Lord Caitanya answered. Sri Advaita prabhu was not eager to answer the question himself, although he was fully capable.
Before knowing about this, I've mistakenly done the opposite at least a dozen times. The worst case was when a large group of students was visiting at a prominent Iskcon temple. Overwhelmed with the desire to preach, I ignorantly took over a question and answer session in the presence of two senior Prabhupada disciples! Even if they were not Prabhupada disciples, their birth as men senior to me would also have put them in a position worthy of more respect. Yet, being both two very tolerant and merciful Vaisnavas, they allowed me to continue speaking without even a hint of objection or annoyance. That doesn't mean, however, I wish to repeat such a blunder ever again!
Fortunately for me, my husband has done me a service by gradually making me aware of my mistake. In my younger days- being raised an American girl- I had tended to monopolize a conversation when other men were present, including his teacher, a guru, a couple of temple presidents and more than a few GBC! At first, I had no clue what it was I was doing wrong; what he meant when he corrected me afterwards, until I came across the SB verse above. Of course, bad habits can die hard, so there have been times afterwards when I've had to literally bite my tongue to keep from blabbing freely, but I also discovered another remedy- I try to find something to keep busy with while he talks. I figure if something is really so important that was being discussed, I can count on my husband to inform me later on. Today, I can't say I am freed entirely from my long, western woman conditioning, but awareness is half the battle, right?
I've had my share of victories, too. Not too long ago there was a program at our temple in which Tulsi was to be worshiped afterwards. I came in rather late, just in time for the puja, but unaware of who the guests present were. Upon arrival, I was directed by my husband to set up Tulsi and her tray for worship.
Naturally, it would have made sense to just go ahead with Tulsi's worship as my next step, seeing that no one was approaching voluntarily. Yet, by Krishna's causeless mercy, I remembered to quickly scan the room to see who was present. I had missed him earlier, but there was a visiting sannyasi standing nearby, so I said, "Maharaja" and with my hands indicated he was welcome to proceed with Tulsi's puja. Which he did.
“My dear Sanätana, although you are the deliverer of the entire universe and although even the demigods and great saints are purified by touching you, it is the characteristic of a devotee to observe and protect the Vaisnava etiquette. Maintenance of the Vaisnava etiquette is the ornament of a devotee."--Antya 4.132
Srimad Bhagavatam also says, "A lowborn and abominable person who in this life becomes falsely proud, thinking 'I am great,' and who thus fails to show proper respect to one more elevated than he by birth, austerity, education, behavior, caste or spiritual order, is like a dead man even in this lifetime, and after death he is thrown headfirst into the hell known as Ksärakardama. There he must great suffer great tribulation at the hands of the agents of Yamaräja." -SB 5.26 summary
Similarly, someone may feel superior to her husband materially and or spiritually, but according to Krishna's arrangement for us, the man is given prerogative as the leader in the husband- and- wife relationship by Krishna’s social system. And even if he's not a devotee, but he provides for the wife…is that not worthy of respect?!
ORDERING ONE'S HUSBAND
Another way for a good wife to show respect is that one may be married to the most easy-going guy on earth, but it does not look well before the eyes of cultured human beings for your husband to come to you when called. It's like saying, "Here boy! Here boy! Awww... What a good little puppy!" ( SB 6.2.37)
Prabhupada wrote, "The husband is a very intimate friend; therefore, the wife must render service just like an intimate friend, and at the same time she must understand that the husband is superior in position, and thus she must offer him all respect."--SB 3.23.2 purport
THE PERFECT STRANGER
Furthermore, a writer back in the 40's recalled a fortunate man whose loving wife already knew this art of how to treat her husband like company:
"I remembered an odd, pleasant thing I had heard a man say about his wife. He is a middle aged countryman of no sophistication. 'The only thing I’m sorry for is not marrying her sooner. And I certainly would of, if I’d had any idea a woman could treat a man the way she’s always treated me.'
“'How does she treat you, Sam?'
“'How?' he said, 'Why we been married a full 17 years now, and she still treats me exactly the same as if I were a perfect stranger!'
And the author continues: “What is this special kind of courtesy due to a stranger? Well we meet him with a kindly manner that means a readiness to be of assistance to him; and we show him quietly that it will be a pleasure to help make himself comfortable. More, we are careful not to intrude upon him. We give him our best information, but we don’t urge; far less do we say, 'You shall,' or 'You shall not.' All in all , we try to be useful to him, and in no way do we seek to interfere with his complete freedom of action and thought." -Readers’ Digest excerpt (1940 something)
THE QUIET WIFE
"I remembered an odd, pleasant thing I had heard a man say about his wife. He is a middle aged countryman of no sophistication. 'The only thing I’m sorry for is not marrying her sooner. And I certainly would of, if I’d had any idea a woman could treat a man the way she’s always treated me.'
“'How does she treat you, Sam?'
“'How?' he said, 'Why we been married a full 17 years now, and she still treats me exactly the same as if I were a perfect stranger!'
And the author continues: “What is this special kind of courtesy due to a stranger? Well we meet him with a kindly manner that means a readiness to be of assistance to him; and we show him quietly that it will be a pleasure to help make himself comfortable. More, we are careful not to intrude upon him. We give him our best information, but we don’t urge; far less do we say, 'You shall,' or 'You shall not.' All in all , we try to be useful to him, and in no way do we seek to interfere with his complete freedom of action and thought." -Readers’ Digest excerpt (1940 something)
THE QUIET WIFE
Respect is such a vital part of a loving service mood that being quiet goes along with it, quite naturally. At least we should develop more control over when to speak or when not to and also how to speak, according to our audience and so on. Because a servant isn't interested in sitting there enjoying the talking only, a servant is ever alert for seeing to the comforts of all those present.
A great example is a senior Vaisnava couple, as described by a man who knows them. He says that whenever he visits the husband, his wife leaves to another room so that he and her husband can talk together freely. And on past occasions he has noticed that if the husband needs something for his visiting friend, he calls for his wife and she arranges whatever is needed.
The perfect model of a wife with such a servant mood is Srimati Rukmini devi. When Sudama Brahmana came she assisted her supreme husband as needed to make their special guest more comfortable. You don't remember her talking to Sudama. Lord Krishna did.
RESPECT VIA NO BACK TALK
Bhagavad gita says, "Respectable superiors... are always worshipable. Even if they attack, they should not be counterattacked. It is general etiquette that superiors are not to be offered even a verbal fight. Even if they are sometimes harsh in behavior, they should not be harshly treated." Bg 2.4p
"Even if there is some wrong on the part of the husband, the wife must tolerate it, and thus there will be no misunderstanding between husband and wife."--SB 3.23.2p
"Even an enemy who comes to a householder's home should be received in such a gentle way that he forgets that he has come to the home of an enemy" -SB 5.26.35p (What to speak of one's husband!)
THIS IS "VICTORY FOR A WOMAN"
If you and husband are talking and there is some disagreement arising, by all means it is time to keep quiet. It took me a long time to understand this personally; I had to witness first hand another couple arguing in front of me, to realize how disrespectful for a wife it is to go on and on about something with her husband when obviously there is a disagreement! Even if you are right and he is wrong... Stop!
Bhagavad gita says, "Respectable superiors... are always worshipable. Even if they attack, they should not be counterattacked. It is general etiquette that superiors are not to be offered even a verbal fight. Even if they are sometimes harsh in behavior, they should not be harshly treated." Bg 2.4p
"Even if there is some wrong on the part of the husband, the wife must tolerate it, and thus there will be no misunderstanding between husband and wife."--SB 3.23.2p
"Even an enemy who comes to a householder's home should be received in such a gentle way that he forgets that he has come to the home of an enemy" -SB 5.26.35p (What to speak of one's husband!)
THIS IS "VICTORY FOR A WOMAN"
If you and husband are talking and there is some disagreement arising, by all means it is time to keep quiet. It took me a long time to understand this personally; I had to witness first hand another couple arguing in front of me, to realize how disrespectful for a wife it is to go on and on about something with her husband when obviously there is a disagreement! Even if you are right and he is wrong... Stop!
Or he may be in a surly mood, deliberately trying to provoke you; it is best to keep quiet unless you are expert in retaliating in a joking mood (see below). Men do this, perhaps unconsciously, to maintain control of their position as the man of the house. Besides, you can always say your piece some other time when both of you are in normal frame of mind to say things in a palatable way.
Prabhupada also called this tolerance and patience "victory for a woman" in SB 9.3.10, because it is victory over the senses which leads to transcendental life.
NOT ADDRESSING ONE'S HUSBAND BY NAME
I used to wonder how this works. Then I realized that if one of my children were always addressing me by my first name instead of the more respectful address of "Mata" or "Mother", our relationship would probably be a lot different. In any case, I have always addressed my husband as "prabhu' (with an occasional pet name thrown in), since the day I met him, but not by his first name.
Prabhupada explains: "Visrambhena means (that the husband wife relationship should be) with intimacy,' but it must not be familiarity that breeds contempt. According to the Vedic civilization, a wife cannot call her husband by name. In the present civilization the wife calls her husband by name, but in Hindu civilization she does not. Thus the inferiority and superiority complexes are recognized." SB 3.23.2 purport
It has also been suggested by a senior devotee here, but I have no sastra to support it, that a man should not call his wife by her first name for similar reasons, to maintain mutual respect. She is often addressed, therefore, as devi, patni, etc.
DEALING WITH A GOAT
Prabhupada also called this tolerance and patience "victory for a woman" in SB 9.3.10, because it is victory over the senses which leads to transcendental life.
NOT ADDRESSING ONE'S HUSBAND BY NAME
I used to wonder how this works. Then I realized that if one of my children were always addressing me by my first name instead of the more respectful address of "Mata" or "Mother", our relationship would probably be a lot different. In any case, I have always addressed my husband as "prabhu' (with an occasional pet name thrown in), since the day I met him, but not by his first name.
Prabhupada explains: "Visrambhena means (that the husband wife relationship should be) with intimacy,' but it must not be familiarity that breeds contempt. According to the Vedic civilization, a wife cannot call her husband by name. In the present civilization the wife calls her husband by name, but in Hindu civilization she does not. Thus the inferiority and superiority complexes are recognized." SB 3.23.2 purport
It has also been suggested by a senior devotee here, but I have no sastra to support it, that a man should not call his wife by her first name for similar reasons, to maintain mutual respect. She is often addressed, therefore, as devi, patni, etc.
DEALING WITH A GOAT
More recently, someone described to me how much the male ego is like dealing with a goat. Goats are stubborn and trying to control one by force means you'll always lose. The advice goes that it's better to befriend it (feed it, care for it, understand it) than to battle with it. As for our men, there's very good reason they act this way, too. And why they can be so uncooperative. For example, how many times can you ask a goat to close the shower curtain after showering, so it can dry and not attract mold? Well, the male ego will not shut it either if it means he maintains control and has his precious freedom still intact because powerful men want to be treated like a king.
Another (perhaps most important) understanding is that the world out there is not a nice place. There's so many challenges to deal with and troubles abound. And so being natural protectors of womankind, they talk confidently about themselves, their abilities and over the top aspirations to keep that ego boosted. And so, like the goat, they are unbending, unwavering, steadfast and super determined because achievement and ever ready to battle the forces of evil is what makes them men. That is, until life -and other men (preferably, not their wives!!!)- humble them.
WHY SOME MEN TEASE THEIR WOMEN: If you're one of those lucky ladies married to a guy who likes to tease, an explanation is there in Krishna book where this tendency comes from. It's described that Lord Krishna wanted to see calm and composed wife Rukmini's beautiful lotus face screw up in anger and offer Him some rebuking words for a bunch of nonsense He wanted to lay on her. Of course, for those of us who know the pastime well, she does not get angry at her beloved husband but rather becomes so anxious about what he says that she faints.
Lord Krishna aside, why else do men tease? It's the same reason they won't shut the shower curtain. It's the male ego needing to feel in control. Namely, by seeing the calm, collected, just too awesome better half to stomp her foot in helpless frustration and storm out of the room in disgust.
If she's smart and onto this kind of thing, she can become a great actress and play along. I've seen an Indian couple on YouTube do such an exchange flawlessly. Very entertaining.
SOME MORE HELPFUL CONSIDERATIONS
Never say "I told you so" after he's made a mistake. Look for what he did right instead, what he learned from the experience.
Do not speak your husband's mistakes or faults in front of company, even in joke.
Do not say in his presence things like "He got lost” if he was the driver.
Do not compare him with another man.
Do not ask him leading questions like, "You know what?" or "Guess what?" as if you know more than he does.
When your husband (or grown son) has a problem, instead of jumping in with suggestions how to fix it, you can let him know you think he is capable of dealing with it by saying something like “What are you going to do?” or “What's your plan?”
Do not tell him you want to get someone else’s opinion after he's given his.
Don't put him on the spot in front of his children. Consult about important matters in private.
LET HIM SHINE
The male ego thrives on admiration and praise. Point out to him your happiness when he does his duty and does things you want him to repeat. Also, if the opportunity arises, speak well about him in front of his friends. Tell them what you admire about your husband and his service to Krishna.
If a husband comes to his wife with good news like that big bonus he got for his hard work, that is not the time for her to complain about some concern she has. If she's in tune with her husband, instead she'll sense his need to shine for his wife and express her admiration. Because who else should do that better than her? She can also inquire politely about his work each day and, whenever possible, even visit... w This is not an anti-Vedic concept. Kings required hearing their praises. Again, it is for an ego boost, considering all the stress they had to bear. Ksatriya type men especially thrive on this. Admiration is another part of respect, provided it is sincere. A lady respects her husband with mind, body and words.
MALE CONFIDANTES
Generally a man does not like to appear weak before his wife, so trusted male friends should be encouraged. These can be invaluable for expressing his anxieties to, and getting support and inspiration. Such a person(s) should be as equal as possible in order to understand one another, as well as include at least one mature, Krishna conscious grhastha.
FEMALE CONFIDANTES
A man takes his wife's troubles and unhappiness personally, as a reflection upon his ability as her husband and protector. Again, men by nature have a much better awareness of negative aspects of this material world and as protectors, use their enlarged sense of self to face the dangers, whereas women tend to waver. Therefore, rather than disturb your prabhu, better to voice your personal problems and complaints to a female confidante(s), as needed.
One is very fortunate to be able to find such, since it's best to be equals as far as possible. An unmarried, renounced or divorced woman, for example, will naturally not be the wisest or safest to confide in. Also be careful with women who talk bad about their husbands, treat them harshly, or who have little interest in a woman's duties given by Lord Krishna. Association is so powerful. Even if one can only read materials containing the wisdom gained by experienced wives, it gives us motivation and helps us along the bumps. If we want to succeed in any kind of business, we need like-minded association.
WHY UNDERSTAND?
WHY SOME MEN TEASE THEIR WOMEN: If you're one of those lucky ladies married to a guy who likes to tease, an explanation is there in Krishna book where this tendency comes from. It's described that Lord Krishna wanted to see calm and composed wife Rukmini's beautiful lotus face screw up in anger and offer Him some rebuking words for a bunch of nonsense He wanted to lay on her. Of course, for those of us who know the pastime well, she does not get angry at her beloved husband but rather becomes so anxious about what he says that she faints.
Lord Krishna aside, why else do men tease? It's the same reason they won't shut the shower curtain. It's the male ego needing to feel in control. Namely, by seeing the calm, collected, just too awesome better half to stomp her foot in helpless frustration and storm out of the room in disgust.
If she's smart and onto this kind of thing, she can become a great actress and play along. I've seen an Indian couple on YouTube do such an exchange flawlessly. Very entertaining.
SOME MORE HELPFUL CONSIDERATIONS
Never say "I told you so" after he's made a mistake. Look for what he did right instead, what he learned from the experience.
Do not speak your husband's mistakes or faults in front of company, even in joke.
Do not say in his presence things like "He got lost” if he was the driver.
Do not compare him with another man.
Do not ask him leading questions like, "You know what?" or "Guess what?" as if you know more than he does.
When your husband (or grown son) has a problem, instead of jumping in with suggestions how to fix it, you can let him know you think he is capable of dealing with it by saying something like “What are you going to do?” or “What's your plan?”
Do not tell him you want to get someone else’s opinion after he's given his.
Don't put him on the spot in front of his children. Consult about important matters in private.
LET HIM SHINE
The male ego thrives on admiration and praise. Point out to him your happiness when he does his duty and does things you want him to repeat. Also, if the opportunity arises, speak well about him in front of his friends. Tell them what you admire about your husband and his service to Krishna.
If a husband comes to his wife with good news like that big bonus he got for his hard work, that is not the time for her to complain about some concern she has. If she's in tune with her husband, instead she'll sense his need to shine for his wife and express her admiration. Because who else should do that better than her? She can also inquire politely about his work each day and, whenever possible, even visit... w This is not an anti-Vedic concept. Kings required hearing their praises. Again, it is for an ego boost, considering all the stress they had to bear. Ksatriya type men especially thrive on this. Admiration is another part of respect, provided it is sincere. A lady respects her husband with mind, body and words.
MALE CONFIDANTES
Generally a man does not like to appear weak before his wife, so trusted male friends should be encouraged. These can be invaluable for expressing his anxieties to, and getting support and inspiration. Such a person(s) should be as equal as possible in order to understand one another, as well as include at least one mature, Krishna conscious grhastha.
FEMALE CONFIDANTES
A man takes his wife's troubles and unhappiness personally, as a reflection upon his ability as her husband and protector. Again, men by nature have a much better awareness of negative aspects of this material world and as protectors, use their enlarged sense of self to face the dangers, whereas women tend to waver. Therefore, rather than disturb your prabhu, better to voice your personal problems and complaints to a female confidante(s), as needed.
WHY UNDERSTAND?
Understanding the male ego is not just patronizing the husband to get what we want. It is to help us understand the necessity of submission in order to develop our humble servant mood. And if it invokes a husband's merciful side, you are on the right track and will get what you need anyway.
In closing, a good wife tries to find out what pleases and displeases her husband. She is always interested in his welfare. Knowledge of the masculine nature helps. So does an understanding of astrological natures and of Ayurvedic constitutions, topics which are not covered here. Whatever it is, if we can utilize it to better understand and serve our husbands in Krishna's service, it can be accepted.
In closing, a good wife tries to find out what pleases and displeases her husband. She is always interested in his welfare. Knowledge of the masculine nature helps. So does an understanding of astrological natures and of Ayurvedic constitutions, topics which are not covered here. Whatever it is, if we can utilize it to better understand and serve our husbands in Krishna's service, it can be accepted.