(Revised 11/1/16)
Think about it: Feminism aims to "empower" women. But women are already powerful! Powerful like fire.
When utilized properly, fire lights the home, cooks the meals, greets the guests and gives warmth and cheer! But on the other hand, fire started by a single careless spark can devastate an entire neighborhood.
FIRE AND BUTTER
Similarly, in Srimad Bhagavatam verse 7.12.9 woman is compared to fire and man is compared to butter. Unless there is a plan how to utilize the combination of fire and butter properly, we end up with a mess. Unless men and women are careful when mixing together, not only may it bring trouble in their own lives but it affects the lives of an entire society. In SB 3.31.38 the Lord warns, "Just try to understand the mighty strength of My maya in the shape of woman, who by the mere movement of her eyebrows can keep even the greatest conquerors of the world under her grip!"
Srila Prabhupada says that responsible human beings can understand this while animalistic persons will become agitated whenever restrictions are advised (SB 7.12.9p)
Presently in developed countries, men and women are mixing liberally, apparently without a problem, but that doesn't mean they don't have suffering going on behind the scenes, or that they aren't at risk in some way. Headlines in the news can attest to that.
Our Krishna conscious society is meant to be different, and celibacy is a very important aspect of it, which means not indulging in unnecessary association with the opposite sex rather than encouraging the mixing of the sexes as normal. Materially speaking, this is not a popular idea.
Reporter: How many followers do you have throughout the world?
Srila Prabhupäda: For anything genuine, the followers may be very few. For something rubbish, the followers may be many. Still, we have about five thousand initiated disciples.
Reporter: Is the Krishna consciousness movement growing all the time?
Srila Prabhupäda: Yes, it is growing—but slowly. This is because we have so many restrictions. People do not like restrictions. --SSR 2, "Choosing a Spiritual Master: What is a Guru?"
MAYA'S ENTANGLEMENT
It is essential therefore for everyone to understand the Lord's material energy in the shape of woman. Maya has two powers, to distract and to cover, and certainly a woman is the greatest distraction and way of entanglement any man will ever know. In Vedic scripture, woman is referred to as stri. Stri means expansion. After marriage to a suitable mate, she is the source for expanding or increasing material existence in the shape of children, necessary home and household paraphernalia, relatives and a social life to share it all with, as well as other entanglements (SB 3.30.8p). So we have to be aware that, although family life may appear to multiply one's material happiness, at the same time the miseries multiply just as much. One must work very hard to support it all.
And, although this life is temporary and the material world full of dangers, a woman by nature strives to create a very comfortable living arrangement for everyone involved, so that we may forget all about such troubles. Normally, women are drawn toward bodily comforts and frivolities and attachment for family, home, friendships and socializing. For these reasons they are considered less intelligent (SB 4.3.11) by Vedic authority, as are the men who are overly attached to them, forgetting to lead toward the real goal of human life.
This is an honest analysis called sankhya, only for the purpose of becoming disentangled from material bondage or stri bandham.
WOMAN'S POWER CONTROLLED BY SHYNESS
Now, when a first class, powerful woman becomes aware of her nature and charming powers, when she's aware that her body is designed to be captivating, she keeps aloof from the opposite sex, properly covers her bodily form and behaves soberly in public rather than engaging in loud talking, joking and laughing (especially with one's beloved) in a public place, drawing others' attention away from Krishna. Prabhupada says that shyness is a woman's natural protection and beauty:
“Powerful women are controlled by shyness. Therefore, shyness is important for women. Once this control valve is loosened, women can create havoc in society by adultery. Adultery means production of unwanted children known as varna-sankara, who disturb the world.” SB 1.9.27 purport SB 1.9.27
"Shyness is a particular extra-natural beauty of the fair sex, and it commands respect from the opposite sex."
In other words, she will generate genuine love and respect from others instead of infatuation and later disgust.
KEEPING COVERED AND SOBER
Queen Draupadi took shelter of Krsna so not to be disrobed. By nature a good woman is ashamed to be seen scantily clad or improperly dressed before any man other than her husband. Prabhupada also instructed:
"Cover the head. Cover the head and give her this red. Cover it nicely. You see, here. You should keep your wife always covered. (laughter) Don't allow this miniskirt or minishirt. (laughter) According to Vedic civilization, respectable woman cannot be seen even by the sun. Asüryam pasyat. How can you avoid sun? But it is said like that. The sun will find difficulty to see one man's woman. Yes...Sun will also hanker after her: 'How can I see that woman?' (chuckles) So woman should be always in privacy. They should be respectfully protected by the husband and the father. That is the way. " (wedding, 5/6/69, Boston)
"In the year 1945 Prabhupada witnessed this scene while travelling on a train: A young girl riding on the train was traveling for the first time to her husband's house. Her face was covered with a veil, as she was observing the ceremony that after puberty and after engagement the girl goes to her husband's house, carrying presentations from her mother and father. But another modernized girl was mocking the village girl and reached over and pulled at her veil. The city girl did this once and then did it again. But when she tried a third time, the village girl slapped her in the face. 'Yes, you have done right,' said Srila Prabhupada, who was seated nearby in the same train car.
"Years later while telling the story, Prabhupada explained, 'That city girl was thinking, "What is this nonsense?" and she wanted to criticize. But when the other girl gave her a good slap, the whole train laughed. Shyness is the only protection for them. But now there is no modesty left. That is a woman's beauty, but we are breaking that, and so there is not beauty, no attraction." ( Prabhupad Nectar 2.139)
Srila Prabhupada also praised the women in the Parsee community whom he said were so covered that only their eyes showed. Immodest dress, he said, is a sign of the influence of Kali. “By the influence of the age of Kali, even a pauper is proud of his penny, and the women are always dressed in an overly attractive fashion to victimize the minds of men,”--SB 1.17.24p
Prabhupada explained to one female disciple about her wanting to wear shortened pants, "The attraction is already there. Don't aggravate it." A Christian author also queried, “When you dress with the top two or three buttons of your blouse unbuttoned, this looks provocative...It looks to a man as though you must design to expose yourself and tantalize his passions…”
And also in the presence of the supremely pure Personality of Godhead, Krishna, we should be modest in our appearance: "There was a demigoddess named Kotara who was worshiped by Banasura, and their relationship was as mother and son. Mother Kotara was upset that Banasura's life was in danger, so she appeared on the scene. With naked body and scattered hair, she stood before Lord Krsna. Sri Krsna did not like the sight of this naked woman, and to avoid seeing her, He turned His face." --KB63
EYES AVERTED
Vaisnava Thakura Prabhodhananda Sarasvati lamented how the opposite sex can intoxicate one with a single glance and make the whole body burn with lust. Such attraction can force one to give up all good qualities and sense of shame and to go against guru and scriptures. To set a powerful example and to show how serious one must be in spiritual advancement, acarya Bilvamangala Thakur voluntarily blinded himself after lusting over a beautiful brahmana woman.
Another example was Laxmana, the brother of Lord Rama. When asked for a description of Mother Sita by the Vanaras after she had been kidnapped, he was at a loss for words because he said he only looked at her lotus feet!
Srimati Radharani also remained blind until Krishna appeared before Her. That's because She is our Supreme Guru, come to teach us that our eyes are meant to see Krishna only or for engaging in His devotional service.
By keeping such transcendental association, we can discover that averting the eyes in the presence of the opposite sex or at least keeping them from wandering unnecessarily (especially always looking to see who is looking) is natural, easy and saves time that would have been wasted in material entanglement.
UP ON THE ROOF
Parda, separation of the sexes, is meant for maintaining female respectability. A lady does not mix unrestrictedly with any man, including her husband, because she considers herself to be Krishna's property, meant for executing His supreme will. Good women are meant to be upheld in high regard and protected:
"The ladies of the palace observed strict pardä, and instead of coming down in the open air where Lord Krishna and others were assembled, the ladies of the palace went up on the top of the palace and from there paid their respects to Lord Krishna by showers of flowers. It is definitely stated here that the ladies were smiling there on the top of the palace, checked by shyness."
Parda gives a woman a special charm and also such a woman is compared to a field in which good seed may be sown. The better the quality of the field, the better the children produced, and the better off the entire world will be.
"Mother is considered the field, ksetra. But when I till the ksetra, field, the production is mine. This idea. The land may be yours, but if I plow on it and produce food grains, that is mine...Even in other's wife, if somebody begets child, the child belongs to the father. " --1/11/77, Allahabad
Prabhupäda: Woman should not divert her attention to anyone else except her husband. That will keep her pure. That is the Vedic culture.--Srila Prabhupada in Fiji, 1977
PARDA IN THE HOME
Husband and wife are also instructed to observe some form of restriction:
"If he (one's husband) is not intelligent enough to know that she is the gateway to hellish life (and vice versa), he may indulge in her association very liberally. This is restricted for those who aspire to ascend to the transcendental platform. Even fifty years ago in Hindu society, such association was restricted. A wife could not see her husband during the daytime. Householders even had different residential quarters. The internal quarters of a residential house were for the woman, and the external quarters were for the man. Acceptance of service rendered by a woman may appear very pleasing, but one should be very cautious in accepting such service."
This isn't just for their own spiritual progress, but for the welfare of others. Therefore, in more than a few places, the display of affection between husband and wife is limited to a "solitary place" (SB 6.17.7-8, SB 3.30-8) or is done in good taste:
"One indirectly embraces the husband by sending the son to embrace him because the son is developed as part of the mother's body. The embrace of the son is not exactly the embrace of husband and wife from the sexual point of view, but the embrace is satisfaction from the affectionate point of view. The embrace of the eyes is more effective in the conjugal relation, and thus according to Srila Jiva Gosvämi there is nothing wrong in such an exchange of feeling between husband and wife." (SB 1.11.13p)
PARDA IN OUR TEMPLES WOULD BE IDEAL
Devotee (1): Srila Prabhupada, one boy in Sydney, he has been a devotee for a few years, three or four years, but now he has fallen away because of lusty association, I suppose, or bad association. So is this unwilling or willing, because he has become attracted to women again?
Prabhupada: That is one of the defects, our society, that women are there, and one falls victim of these women. And it is not possible to keep the society strictly for men. That is also not possible. But actually no woman should live in the temple. (Morning Walk: Perth, May 14, 1975)
AMERICA ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO
From Ladies Home Journal, January 1908:
"Q. Will you answer a question that has greatly perplexed me? Is it proper to kiss one's betrothed in public?
A. No, it is exceedingly bad form. Such expressions of affection should be kept for private delectation."
Ladies Home Journal, October 1906:
"Q. Is it ever permissible for a man to take a woman's arm?
A. Not unless he is a policeman and is guiding her to the lock-up! It is extremely provincial."
Also from "The Canons of Good Breeding", 1839 (pp 87-88):
"It is in bad ton [taste] for a newly married couple, when going to an evening party, to enter the room together. Some older person, or some relative of hers, should take the bride in. It is in better taste that, on all occasions of appearing in public, the pair should not be exactly together. The recognition of that relation should as much as possible be confined to the fireside. It is not pleasant to see persons thrusting their mutual devotedness into the eye of society."
MORE QUOTES
"Demons arrange many kinds of performances to see the glaring beauty of a beautiful woman. Here it is stated that they saw the girl playing with a ball. Sometimes the demoniac arrange for so-called sports, like tennis, with the opposite sex. The purpose of such sporting is to see the bodily construction of the beautiful girl and enjoy a subtle sex mentality."--SB 3.20.35
"Unnecessary association with women, even with one's mother, sister or daughter, is strictly prohibited. This is human civilization. A civilization that allows men to mix unrestrictedly with women is an animal civilization. In Kali-yuga, people are extremely liberal, but mixing with women and talking with them as equals actually constitutes an uncivilized way of life." --SB 7.12.9
"If we can train up nice wife, or the society trains the girls to become nice wife, she becomes a great source of energy to the husband....And if they are polluted, they become source of the sankara, varna-sankara. The exact example of varna-sankara is the hippies at the present moment." (Lecture: Bg 1.41-42, July 29 1973, London)
A WORD ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS
Comedian Chris Rock bluntly remarked on stage about the currently popular male and female friendships outside of a marriage. He said that a male friend in reality is nothing but a name on the woman's (have-sex-with- me-next) list. SB 11.17.33p also states, “When a man jokes with a woman, an intimate, sexually-charged atmosphere is immediately created, and this should also be avoided for those aspiring to practice celibacy."
Then there is this observation (author unknown): "I’m afraid many of us don’t understand the danger of unfaithfulness today. We think we can engage in a deep and meaningful friendship with a woman other than our wife without considering the threat such relationships pose to our marriage. We think we can build an emotional dependency on a man other than our husband without introducing the danger of ending up in bed with that man. We blithely assume our marriages are indestructible. That’s why too often, after our emotions have produced their physical fruit, we wake up shocked to be caught in adultery."
There is really only one way to have a truly loving exchange with almost anyone- keep it restricted to Krsna's teachings and service. Just like one admires Krishna's energy in the form of a forest fire- but not too close!
It is really based upon one's spiritual maturity.
MIXING IS FOR SUDRAS
"Too much attraction to women will lead one to fall into the association of südras, who can easily take advantage of mingling with women without restriction. In this present age of Kali, when people are ...very bad because of a südra mentality—such free mingling is prominent. Among the higher classes—brähmana, ksatriya and vaisya—there is no chance for men to mingle with women freely, but in the südra community such mingling is open. Because there is no cultural education in this age of Kali, everyone is spiritually untrained, and everyone is therefore to be considered südra (asuddhäh südra-kalpä hi brähmanäh kali-sambhaväh). When all the people become südras, certainly they are very bad (mandäh sumanda-matayah). Thus they manufacture their own way of life, with the result that they gradually become unfortunate (manda-bhägyäh), and furthermore they are always disturbed by various circumstances." --SB 7.15.70p
"This kind of embracing, kissing, on the public street, they're never indulged in India. Especially among the high class, brähmana, ksatriya, vaisya. No. The südras, they also do it very carefully. But südras can do. Prostitution, these things are the low-class. The high-class, no, not allowed. The high-class society, a woman cannot mix with any man. Especially unmarried. The fathers, parents, will not allow." -SB 6.1 lecture
Unfortunately, in Kali yuga the sudras now possess seats of power and the media which compounds the problem due to their bad examples and policies. And Indian culture, too, is gradually breaking down.
INSPIRATION OR DEVASTATION
Being born a woman, however, is not the problem. Prabhupada says there is a great advantage to being born a woman (KB 23, KB90; SB 1.8.20p). Foremost, it is her submissive nature which makes it easy for her to accept Krishna's authority. She is able to accept His instructions and the words of His pure devotees about being careful in the association of the opposite sex because these descriptions show how women are invested with great power. Power to do great good or great harm. Power to is to be an inspiration for man or devastating maya. Power to uplift an entire society or destroy it. You want "freedom of choice"? This is the real choice.
Think about it: Feminism aims to "empower" women. But women are already powerful! Powerful like fire.
When utilized properly, fire lights the home, cooks the meals, greets the guests and gives warmth and cheer! But on the other hand, fire started by a single careless spark can devastate an entire neighborhood.
FIRE AND BUTTER
Similarly, in Srimad Bhagavatam verse 7.12.9 woman is compared to fire and man is compared to butter. Unless there is a plan how to utilize the combination of fire and butter properly, we end up with a mess. Unless men and women are careful when mixing together, not only may it bring trouble in their own lives but it affects the lives of an entire society. In SB 3.31.38 the Lord warns, "Just try to understand the mighty strength of My maya in the shape of woman, who by the mere movement of her eyebrows can keep even the greatest conquerors of the world under her grip!"
Srila Prabhupada says that responsible human beings can understand this while animalistic persons will become agitated whenever restrictions are advised (SB 7.12.9p)
Presently in developed countries, men and women are mixing liberally, apparently without a problem, but that doesn't mean they don't have suffering going on behind the scenes, or that they aren't at risk in some way. Headlines in the news can attest to that.
Our Krishna conscious society is meant to be different, and celibacy is a very important aspect of it, which means not indulging in unnecessary association with the opposite sex rather than encouraging the mixing of the sexes as normal. Materially speaking, this is not a popular idea.
Reporter: How many followers do you have throughout the world?
Srila Prabhupäda: For anything genuine, the followers may be very few. For something rubbish, the followers may be many. Still, we have about five thousand initiated disciples.
Reporter: Is the Krishna consciousness movement growing all the time?
Srila Prabhupäda: Yes, it is growing—but slowly. This is because we have so many restrictions. People do not like restrictions. --SSR 2, "Choosing a Spiritual Master: What is a Guru?"
MAYA'S ENTANGLEMENT
It is essential therefore for everyone to understand the Lord's material energy in the shape of woman. Maya has two powers, to distract and to cover, and certainly a woman is the greatest distraction and way of entanglement any man will ever know. In Vedic scripture, woman is referred to as stri. Stri means expansion. After marriage to a suitable mate, she is the source for expanding or increasing material existence in the shape of children, necessary home and household paraphernalia, relatives and a social life to share it all with, as well as other entanglements (SB 3.30.8p). So we have to be aware that, although family life may appear to multiply one's material happiness, at the same time the miseries multiply just as much. One must work very hard to support it all.
And, although this life is temporary and the material world full of dangers, a woman by nature strives to create a very comfortable living arrangement for everyone involved, so that we may forget all about such troubles. Normally, women are drawn toward bodily comforts and frivolities and attachment for family, home, friendships and socializing. For these reasons they are considered less intelligent (SB 4.3.11) by Vedic authority, as are the men who are overly attached to them, forgetting to lead toward the real goal of human life.
This is an honest analysis called sankhya, only for the purpose of becoming disentangled from material bondage or stri bandham.
WOMAN'S POWER CONTROLLED BY SHYNESS
Now, when a first class, powerful woman becomes aware of her nature and charming powers, when she's aware that her body is designed to be captivating, she keeps aloof from the opposite sex, properly covers her bodily form and behaves soberly in public rather than engaging in loud talking, joking and laughing (especially with one's beloved) in a public place, drawing others' attention away from Krishna. Prabhupada says that shyness is a woman's natural protection and beauty:
“Powerful women are controlled by shyness. Therefore, shyness is important for women. Once this control valve is loosened, women can create havoc in society by adultery. Adultery means production of unwanted children known as varna-sankara, who disturb the world.” SB 1.9.27 purport SB 1.9.27
"Shyness is a particular extra-natural beauty of the fair sex, and it commands respect from the opposite sex."
In other words, she will generate genuine love and respect from others instead of infatuation and later disgust.
KEEPING COVERED AND SOBER
Queen Draupadi took shelter of Krsna so not to be disrobed. By nature a good woman is ashamed to be seen scantily clad or improperly dressed before any man other than her husband. Prabhupada also instructed:
"Cover the head. Cover the head and give her this red. Cover it nicely. You see, here. You should keep your wife always covered. (laughter) Don't allow this miniskirt or minishirt. (laughter) According to Vedic civilization, respectable woman cannot be seen even by the sun. Asüryam pasyat. How can you avoid sun? But it is said like that. The sun will find difficulty to see one man's woman. Yes...Sun will also hanker after her: 'How can I see that woman?' (chuckles) So woman should be always in privacy. They should be respectfully protected by the husband and the father. That is the way. " (wedding, 5/6/69, Boston)
"In the year 1945 Prabhupada witnessed this scene while travelling on a train: A young girl riding on the train was traveling for the first time to her husband's house. Her face was covered with a veil, as she was observing the ceremony that after puberty and after engagement the girl goes to her husband's house, carrying presentations from her mother and father. But another modernized girl was mocking the village girl and reached over and pulled at her veil. The city girl did this once and then did it again. But when she tried a third time, the village girl slapped her in the face. 'Yes, you have done right,' said Srila Prabhupada, who was seated nearby in the same train car.
"Years later while telling the story, Prabhupada explained, 'That city girl was thinking, "What is this nonsense?" and she wanted to criticize. But when the other girl gave her a good slap, the whole train laughed. Shyness is the only protection for them. But now there is no modesty left. That is a woman's beauty, but we are breaking that, and so there is not beauty, no attraction." ( Prabhupad Nectar 2.139)
Srila Prabhupada also praised the women in the Parsee community whom he said were so covered that only their eyes showed. Immodest dress, he said, is a sign of the influence of Kali. “By the influence of the age of Kali, even a pauper is proud of his penny, and the women are always dressed in an overly attractive fashion to victimize the minds of men,”--SB 1.17.24p
Prabhupada explained to one female disciple about her wanting to wear shortened pants, "The attraction is already there. Don't aggravate it." A Christian author also queried, “When you dress with the top two or three buttons of your blouse unbuttoned, this looks provocative...It looks to a man as though you must design to expose yourself and tantalize his passions…”
And also in the presence of the supremely pure Personality of Godhead, Krishna, we should be modest in our appearance: "There was a demigoddess named Kotara who was worshiped by Banasura, and their relationship was as mother and son. Mother Kotara was upset that Banasura's life was in danger, so she appeared on the scene. With naked body and scattered hair, she stood before Lord Krsna. Sri Krsna did not like the sight of this naked woman, and to avoid seeing her, He turned His face." --KB63
EYES AVERTED
Vaisnava Thakura Prabhodhananda Sarasvati lamented how the opposite sex can intoxicate one with a single glance and make the whole body burn with lust. Such attraction can force one to give up all good qualities and sense of shame and to go against guru and scriptures. To set a powerful example and to show how serious one must be in spiritual advancement, acarya Bilvamangala Thakur voluntarily blinded himself after lusting over a beautiful brahmana woman.
Another example was Laxmana, the brother of Lord Rama. When asked for a description of Mother Sita by the Vanaras after she had been kidnapped, he was at a loss for words because he said he only looked at her lotus feet!
Srimati Radharani also remained blind until Krishna appeared before Her. That's because She is our Supreme Guru, come to teach us that our eyes are meant to see Krishna only or for engaging in His devotional service.
By keeping such transcendental association, we can discover that averting the eyes in the presence of the opposite sex or at least keeping them from wandering unnecessarily (especially always looking to see who is looking) is natural, easy and saves time that would have been wasted in material entanglement.
UP ON THE ROOF
Parda, separation of the sexes, is meant for maintaining female respectability. A lady does not mix unrestrictedly with any man, including her husband, because she considers herself to be Krishna's property, meant for executing His supreme will. Good women are meant to be upheld in high regard and protected:
"The ladies of the palace observed strict pardä, and instead of coming down in the open air where Lord Krishna and others were assembled, the ladies of the palace went up on the top of the palace and from there paid their respects to Lord Krishna by showers of flowers. It is definitely stated here that the ladies were smiling there on the top of the palace, checked by shyness."
Parda gives a woman a special charm and also such a woman is compared to a field in which good seed may be sown. The better the quality of the field, the better the children produced, and the better off the entire world will be.
"Mother is considered the field, ksetra. But when I till the ksetra, field, the production is mine. This idea. The land may be yours, but if I plow on it and produce food grains, that is mine...Even in other's wife, if somebody begets child, the child belongs to the father. " --1/11/77, Allahabad
Prabhupäda: Woman should not divert her attention to anyone else except her husband. That will keep her pure. That is the Vedic culture.--Srila Prabhupada in Fiji, 1977
PARDA IN THE HOME
Husband and wife are also instructed to observe some form of restriction:
"If he (one's husband) is not intelligent enough to know that she is the gateway to hellish life (and vice versa), he may indulge in her association very liberally. This is restricted for those who aspire to ascend to the transcendental platform. Even fifty years ago in Hindu society, such association was restricted. A wife could not see her husband during the daytime. Householders even had different residential quarters. The internal quarters of a residential house were for the woman, and the external quarters were for the man. Acceptance of service rendered by a woman may appear very pleasing, but one should be very cautious in accepting such service."
This isn't just for their own spiritual progress, but for the welfare of others. Therefore, in more than a few places, the display of affection between husband and wife is limited to a "solitary place" (SB 6.17.7-8, SB 3.30-8) or is done in good taste:
"One indirectly embraces the husband by sending the son to embrace him because the son is developed as part of the mother's body. The embrace of the son is not exactly the embrace of husband and wife from the sexual point of view, but the embrace is satisfaction from the affectionate point of view. The embrace of the eyes is more effective in the conjugal relation, and thus according to Srila Jiva Gosvämi there is nothing wrong in such an exchange of feeling between husband and wife." (SB 1.11.13p)
PARDA IN OUR TEMPLES WOULD BE IDEAL
Devotee (1): Srila Prabhupada, one boy in Sydney, he has been a devotee for a few years, three or four years, but now he has fallen away because of lusty association, I suppose, or bad association. So is this unwilling or willing, because he has become attracted to women again?
Prabhupada: That is one of the defects, our society, that women are there, and one falls victim of these women. And it is not possible to keep the society strictly for men. That is also not possible. But actually no woman should live in the temple. (Morning Walk: Perth, May 14, 1975)
AMERICA ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO
From Ladies Home Journal, January 1908:
"Q. Will you answer a question that has greatly perplexed me? Is it proper to kiss one's betrothed in public?
A. No, it is exceedingly bad form. Such expressions of affection should be kept for private delectation."
Ladies Home Journal, October 1906:
"Q. Is it ever permissible for a man to take a woman's arm?
A. Not unless he is a policeman and is guiding her to the lock-up! It is extremely provincial."
Also from "The Canons of Good Breeding", 1839 (pp 87-88):
"It is in bad ton [taste] for a newly married couple, when going to an evening party, to enter the room together. Some older person, or some relative of hers, should take the bride in. It is in better taste that, on all occasions of appearing in public, the pair should not be exactly together. The recognition of that relation should as much as possible be confined to the fireside. It is not pleasant to see persons thrusting their mutual devotedness into the eye of society."
MORE QUOTES
"Demons arrange many kinds of performances to see the glaring beauty of a beautiful woman. Here it is stated that they saw the girl playing with a ball. Sometimes the demoniac arrange for so-called sports, like tennis, with the opposite sex. The purpose of such sporting is to see the bodily construction of the beautiful girl and enjoy a subtle sex mentality."--SB 3.20.35
"Unnecessary association with women, even with one's mother, sister or daughter, is strictly prohibited. This is human civilization. A civilization that allows men to mix unrestrictedly with women is an animal civilization. In Kali-yuga, people are extremely liberal, but mixing with women and talking with them as equals actually constitutes an uncivilized way of life." --SB 7.12.9
"If we can train up nice wife, or the society trains the girls to become nice wife, she becomes a great source of energy to the husband....And if they are polluted, they become source of the sankara, varna-sankara. The exact example of varna-sankara is the hippies at the present moment." (Lecture: Bg 1.41-42, July 29 1973, London)
A WORD ABOUT MALE AND FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS
Comedian Chris Rock bluntly remarked on stage about the currently popular male and female friendships outside of a marriage. He said that a male friend in reality is nothing but a name on the woman's (have-sex-with- me-next) list. SB 11.17.33p also states, “When a man jokes with a woman, an intimate, sexually-charged atmosphere is immediately created, and this should also be avoided for those aspiring to practice celibacy."
Then there is this observation (author unknown): "I’m afraid many of us don’t understand the danger of unfaithfulness today. We think we can engage in a deep and meaningful friendship with a woman other than our wife without considering the threat such relationships pose to our marriage. We think we can build an emotional dependency on a man other than our husband without introducing the danger of ending up in bed with that man. We blithely assume our marriages are indestructible. That’s why too often, after our emotions have produced their physical fruit, we wake up shocked to be caught in adultery."
There is really only one way to have a truly loving exchange with almost anyone- keep it restricted to Krsna's teachings and service. Just like one admires Krishna's energy in the form of a forest fire- but not too close!
It is really based upon one's spiritual maturity.
MIXING IS FOR SUDRAS
"Too much attraction to women will lead one to fall into the association of südras, who can easily take advantage of mingling with women without restriction. In this present age of Kali, when people are ...very bad because of a südra mentality—such free mingling is prominent. Among the higher classes—brähmana, ksatriya and vaisya—there is no chance for men to mingle with women freely, but in the südra community such mingling is open. Because there is no cultural education in this age of Kali, everyone is spiritually untrained, and everyone is therefore to be considered südra (asuddhäh südra-kalpä hi brähmanäh kali-sambhaväh). When all the people become südras, certainly they are very bad (mandäh sumanda-matayah). Thus they manufacture their own way of life, with the result that they gradually become unfortunate (manda-bhägyäh), and furthermore they are always disturbed by various circumstances." --SB 7.15.70p
"This kind of embracing, kissing, on the public street, they're never indulged in India. Especially among the high class, brähmana, ksatriya, vaisya. No. The südras, they also do it very carefully. But südras can do. Prostitution, these things are the low-class. The high-class, no, not allowed. The high-class society, a woman cannot mix with any man. Especially unmarried. The fathers, parents, will not allow." -SB 6.1 lecture
Unfortunately, in Kali yuga the sudras now possess seats of power and the media which compounds the problem due to their bad examples and policies. And Indian culture, too, is gradually breaking down.
INSPIRATION OR DEVASTATION
Being born a woman, however, is not the problem. Prabhupada says there is a great advantage to being born a woman (KB 23, KB90; SB 1.8.20p). Foremost, it is her submissive nature which makes it easy for her to accept Krishna's authority. She is able to accept His instructions and the words of His pure devotees about being careful in the association of the opposite sex because these descriptions show how women are invested with great power. Power to do great good or great harm. Power to is to be an inspiration for man or devastating maya. Power to uplift an entire society or destroy it. You want "freedom of choice"? This is the real choice.