The following are collected quotes for the ideal grhastha asrama. More may be found in sastra.
PERFORMING YAJNA
"The best sacrifice recommended in this age is called sankirtana-yajna. This sankirtana-yajna, the chanting of Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare/ Hare Räma, Hare Räma, Räma Räma, Hare Hare, is the best and most inexpensive sacrifice; everyone can adopt it and derive benefit. So these three items, namely charity, sense control and performance of sacrifice, are meant for the householder."
"In the beginning of creation, the Lord of all creatures sent forth generations of men and demigods, along with sacrifices for Visnu, and blessed them by saying, 'Be thou happy by this yajna [sacrifice] because its performance will bestow upon you all desirable things.' The demigods, being pleased by sacrifices, will also please you; thus nourishing one another, there will reign general prosperity for all. In charge of the various necessities of life, the demigods, being satisfied by the performance of yajna [sacrifice], supply all necessities to man. But he who enjoys these gifts, without offering them to the demigods (via Krishna) in return, is certainly a thief. The devotees of the Lord are released from all kinds of sins because they eat food which is offered first for sacrifice. Others, who prepare food for personal sense enjoyment, verily eat only sin." -Bg 3.10-13
WORSHIP OF SAGES, FOREFATHERS, DEMIGODS, AND ALL LIVING BEINGS
(In Kali yuga all these are automatically satisfied by performance of sankirtana yagna and distribution of prasada)
"One in the gṛhastha order of life should daily worship the sages by Vedic study, the forefathers by offering the mantra svadhā, the demigods by chanting svāhā, all living entities by offering shares of one’s meals, and human beings by offering grains and water. Thus considering the demigods, sages, forefathers, living entities and human beings to be manifestations of My potency, one should daily perform these five sacrifices."- SB 11.17.50
PRASADAM DISTRIBUTION "All the eatables were first cooked by the wife of Advaita Äcärya. Then Srila Advaita Äcärya personally offered everything to Lord Vishnu." CC Madhya 3.41
Purport: "This is the ideal householder’s life. The husband and wife live together, and the husband works very hard to secure paraphernalia for worshiping Lord Vishnu. The wife at home cooks a variety of foods for Lord Vishnu, and the husband offers it to the Deity. After that, ärati is performed, and the prasädam is distributed amongst family members and guests.
"According to the Vedic principles, there must always be a guest in a householder’s house. In my childhood I have actually seen my father receive not less than four guests every day, and in those days my father’s income was not very great. Nonetheless, there was no difficulty in offering prasädam to at least four guests every day.
"According to Vedic principles, a householder, before taking lunch, should go outside and shout very loudly to see if there is anyone without food. In this way he invites people to take prasädam. If someone comes, the householder offers him prasädam, and if there is not much left, he should offer his own portion to the guest. If no one responds to his call, the householder can accept his own lunch. Thus the householder’s life is also a kind of austerity. Because of this, the householder’s life is called the grhastha-äsrama. Although a person may live with his wife and children happily in Krishna consciousness, he also observes the regulative principles followed in any temple." CC Madhya 3.41p
SEARCHING OUT THE HUNGRY MAN
"It is the duty of a householder to feed first of all the children, the old members of the family, the brähmanas and the invalids. Besides that, an ideal householder is required to call for any unknown hungry man to come and dine before he himself goes to take his meals. He is required to call for such a hungry man thrice on the road. The neglect of this prescribed duty of a householder, especially in the matter of the old men and children, is unpardonable" -SB 1.14.43p
FEEDING DEVOTEES
"The only aim of such saints is to sanctify the houses of the householders, and the householders therefore should feel grateful when such saints and sages appear at their doors. A householder who dishonors such holy orders is a great offender. It is enjoined, therefore, that a householder who does not bow down before a saint at once must undergo fasting for the day in order to neutralize the great offense." SB 1.19.33p
"I do not enjoy the oblations offered by the sacrificers in the sacrificial fire, which is one of My own mouths, with the same relish as I do the delicacies overflowing with ghee which are offered to the mouths of the brähmanas who have dedicated to Me the results of their activities and who are ever satisfied with My prasäda." SB 3.16.
"It is clear from this verse that the Lord eats through the sacrificial fire and the brähmana's mouth. So many articles—grains, ghee, etc.—are offered in sacrifice for the satisfaction of the Lord. The Lord accepts sacrificial offerings from the brähmanas and devotees, and elsewhere it is stated that whatever is given for the brähmanas and Vaisnavas to eat is also accepted by the Lord. But here it is said that He accepts offerings to the mouths of brähmanas and Vaisnavas with even greater relish.
"The best example of this is found in the life of Advaita Prabhu in his dealings with Haridäsa Thäkura. Even though Haridäsa was born of a Muhammadan family, Advaita Prabhu offered him the first dish of prasäda after the performance of a sacred fire ceremony. Haridäsa Thäkura informed him that he was born of a Muhammadan family and asked why Advaita Prabhu was offering the first dish to a Muhammadan instead of an elevated brähmana. Out of his humbleness, Haridäsa condemned himself a Muhammadan, but Advaita Prabhu, being an experienced devotee, accepted him as a real brähmana. Advaita Prabhu asserted that by offering the first dish to Haridäsa Thäkura, he was getting the result of feeding one hundred thousand brähmanas. The conclusion is that if one can feed a brähmna or Vaisnava, it is better than performing hundreds of thousands of sacrifices. In this age, therefore, it is recommended that harer näma [Cc. Ädi 17.21]—chanting the holy name of God—and pleasing the Vaisnava are the only means to elevate oneself to spiritual life." SB 3.16.8p
"The Vedas are situated on the mouth of the Lord, and therefore anyone who is inclined to the Vedic wisdom is certainly situated on the mouth of the Lord, and he is a brähmana." -SB 3.6.30p
"They are trained also like that, that any grhastha, householder, if a sannyäsi comes, immediately he should be received and respected. That is also Vedic culture. A sannyasi should be treated as the children of the society. Everyone. Still there is. If in a village a sannyasi goes, he will get hundreds of invitation: 'Swamiji, please come. Take your bhiksä at my place.' So he has no question of eating and living. So many people will give him shelter." SB 1.5.9-11 lecture, 6/6/69. New Vrndavana
GIVING CHARITY AND COW PROTECTION
"Even fifty years ago, no one would deprive a sädhu of a quart or two of milk, and every householder would give milk like water. For a Sanätanist (a follower of Vedic principles) it is the duty of every householder to have cows and bulls as household paraphernalia, not only for drinking milk, but also for deriving religious principles. The Sanätanist worships cows on religious principles and respects brähmanas. The cow's milk is required for the sacrificial fire, and by performing sacrifices the householder can be happy. The cow's calf not only is beautiful to look at, but also gives satisfaction to the cow, and so she delivers as much milk as possible." SB 1.17.3p
"Therefore, one should give charity in the form of food grains, clothing, etc., to the Vaisnavas and brähmanas, and whenever possible one should arrange for the protection of cows, who are very dear to the Lord." SB 11.11.23-24
DEITY WORSHIP
"Especially for the householder devotees, the path of Deity worship is strongly recommended. As far as possible, every householder, by the direction of the spiritual master, must install the Deity of Vishnu, forms like Rädhä-Krsna, Laksmi-Näräyana or Sitä-Räma especially, or any other form of the Lord, like Nrsimha, Varäha, Gaura-Nitäi, Matsya, Kürma, sälagräma-silä and many other forms of Vishnu, like Trivikrama, Kesava, Acyuta, Väsudeva, Näräyana and Dämodara, as recommended in the Vaiñëava-tantras or Puräëas, and one's family should worship strictly following the directions and regulations of arcana-vidhi. Any member of the family who is above twelve years of age should be initiated by a bona fide spiritual master, and all the members of the household should be engaged in the daily service of the Lord, beginning from morning (4 a.m.) till night (10 p.m.) by performing mangala-ärätrika, niranjana, arcana, püjä, kirtana, srngära, bhoga-vaikäli, sandhyä-ärätrika, patha, bhoga (at night), sayana-ärätrika, etc. Engagement in such worship of the Deity, under the direction of a bona fide spiritual master, will greatly help the householders to purify their very existence and make rapid progress in spiritual knowledge. Simple theoretical book knowledge is not sufficient for a neophyte devotee. Book knowledge is theoretical, whereas the arcana process is practical. Spiritual knowledge must be developed by a combination of theoretical and practical knowledge, and that is the guaranteed way for attainment of spiritual perfection." SB 2.3.22p
HOSPITALITY
“The reception law enjoins that a poor man, who has nothing to offer his guest, should be good enough to offer a straw mat for sitting, a glass of water for drinking and some sweet words. Therefore, to receive a guest, either friend or foe, there is no expense. It is only a question of good manners.”--Sb 1.18.28 purport
"It may be argued that all householders are not very rich and that one cannot receive great saintly persons or preachers because they are always accompanied by their disciples. If a householder is to receive a saintly person, he has to receive his entourage also. It is said in the sästras that Durväsä Muni was always accompanied by sixty thousand disciples and that if there was a little discrepancy in their reception, he would be very angry and would sometimes curse the host. The fact is that every householder, regardless of his position or economic condition, can at least receive saintly guests with great devotion and offer them drinking water, for drinking water is available always. In India the custom is that even an ordinary person is offered a glass of water if he suddenly visits and one cannot offer him foodstuff. If there is no water, then one can offer a sitting place, even if it is on straw mats. And if one has no straw mat, he can immediately cleanse the ground and ask the guest to sit there. Supposing that a householder cannot even do that, then with folded hands he can simply receive the guest, saying, 'Welcome.' And if he cannot do that, then he should feel very sorry for his poor condition and shed tears and simply offer obeisances with his whole family, wife and children. In this way he can satisfy any guest, even if the guest is a saintly person or a king." SB 4.22.11
"Any person who does not receive or feed a guest properly but who personally enjoys eating is put into the hell known as Krmibhojana. There an unlimited number of worms and insects continuously bite him." SB 5.26 summary
"According to the Vedic etiquette, even an enemy who comes to a householder's home should be received in such a gentle way that he forgets that he has come to the home of an enemy. A guest who comes to one's home should be received very politely. If he is unwanted, the householder should not stare at him with blinking eyes, for one who does so will be put into the hell known as Paryävartana after death, and there many ferocious birds like vultures, crows, and coknis will suddenly come upon him and pluck out his eyes." -SB 5.26.35p
"Therefore, through charitable gifts and attention, as well as through friendly behavior and by viewing all to be alike, one should propitiate Me, who abide in all creatures as their very Self." - SB 3.29.27
DIVIDING WEALTH
"Therefore one who is in full knowledge should divide his accumulated wealth in five parts—for religion, for reputation, for opulence, for sense gratification and for the maintenance of his family members. Such a person is happy in this world and in the next." SB 8.19.37
Purport: "The sästras enjoin that if one has money one should divide all that he has accumulated into five divisions—one part for religion, one part for reputation, one part for opulence, one part for sense gratification and one part to maintain the members of his family. At the present, however, because people are bereft of all knowledge, they spend all their money for the satisfaction of their family. Srila Rüpa Gosvämi taught us by his own example by using fifty percent of his accumulated wealth for Krishna, twenty-five percent for his own self, and twenty-five percent for the members of his family. One's main purpose should be to advance in Krishna consciousness. This will include dharma, artha and käma. However, because one's family members expect some profit, one should also satisfy them by giving them a portion of one's accumulated wealth. This is a sästric injunction." SB 8.19.37p
SUPPORTING THE OTHER THREE ORDERS OF LIFE
"The man who lives with a wife has a great responsibility in maintaining the members of the other social orders—the brahmacäris, vänaprasthas and sannyäsis. Except for the grhasthas, or the householders, everyone is supposed to engage in the spiritual advancement of life, and therefore the brahmacäri, the vänaprastha and the sannyäsi have very little time to earn a livelihood. They therefore collect alms from the grhasthas, and thus they secure the bare necessities of life and cultivate spiritual understanding. By helping the other three sections of society cultivate spiritual values, the householder also makes advancement in spiritual life. Ultimately every member of society automatically becomes spiritually advanced and easily crosses the ocean of nescience." SB 3.14.18p
CULTIVATING AND DISTRIBUTING KRSNA CONSCIOUSNESS
"A person who is a householder but is initiated by a sannyäsi has the duty to spread Krsna consciousness at home; as far as possible, he should call his friends and neighbors to his house and hold classes in Krsna consciousness. Holding a class means chanting the holy name of Krsna and speaking from Bhagavad-gitä or Srimad-Bhägavatam. There are immense literatures for spreading Krsna consciousness, and it is the duty of each and every householder to learn about Krsna from his sannyäsi spiritual master. There is a division of labor in the Lord's service. The householder's duty is to earn money because a sannyäsi is not supposed to earn money but is completely dependent on the householder. The householder should earn money by business or by profession and spend at least fifty percent of his income to spread Krsna consciousness; twenty-five percent he can spend for his family, and twenty-five percent he should save to meet emergencies. This example was shown by Rüpa Gosvämi, so devotees should follow it." SB 3.21.31p
GARBHADANA SAMSKARA
"To check the increase of demoniac population, the Vedic civilization enacted so many rules and regulations of social life, the most important of which is the garbhädhäna process for begetting good children. In Bhagavad-gitä Arjuna informed Krsna that if there is unwanted population (varna-sankara), the entire world will appear to be hell. People are very anxious for peace in the world, but there are so many unwanted children born without the benefit of the garbhädhäna ceremony, just like the demons born from Diti. Diti was so lusty that she forced her husband to copulate at a time which was inauspicious, and therefore the demons were born to create disturbances. In having sex life to beget children, one should observe the process for begetting nice children; if each and every householder in every family observes the Vedic system, then there are nice children, not demons, and automatically there is peace in the world. If we do not follow regulations in life for social tranquillity, we cannot expect peace. Rather, we will have to undergo the stringent reactions of natural laws." SB 3.17.15p
KANYA DANA
"Kardama Muni wanted to marry Devahüti in the recognized manner of marriage prescribed in the scriptures. As stated in the Vedic scriptures, the first-class process is to call the bridegroom to the home of the bride and hand her to him in charity with a dowry of necessary ornaments, gold, furniture and other household paraphernalia. This form of marriage is prevalent among higher-class Hindus even today and is declared in the sästras to confer great religious merit on the bride's father. To give a daughter in charity to a suitable son-in-law is considered to be one of the pious activities of a householder." 3.22.16p
PRODUCING A MALE CHILD
"It is said that the father himself becomes the son in another form. The father and son are therefore considered to be nondifferent. A widow who has her son is actually not a widow, because she has the representative of her husband. Similarly, Devahüti is indirectly asking Kardama Muni to leave a representative so that in his absence she might be relieved of her anxieties by a suitable son. A householder is not expected to remain at home for all his days. After getting his sons and daughters married, a householder can retire from household life, leaving his wife in the charge of the grown-up sons. That is the social convention of the Vedic system. Devahüti is indirectly asking that in his absence from home there be at least one male child to give her relief from her anxieties. This relief means spiritual instruction. Relief does not mean material comforts. Material comforts will end with the end of the body, but spiritual instruction will not end; it will go on with the spirit soul. Instruction in spiritual advancement is necessary, but without having a worthy son, how could Devahüti advance in spiritual knowledge? It is the duty of the husband to liquidate his debt to his wife. The wife gives her sincere service to the husband, and he becomes indebted to her because one cannot accept service from his subordinate without giving him something in exchange. The spiritual master cannot accept service from a disciple without awarding him spiritual instruction. That is the reciprocation of love and duty. Thus Devahüti reminds her husband, Kardama Muni, that she has rendered him faithful service. Even considering the situation on the basis of liquidating his debt toward his wife, he must give a male child before he leaves. Indirectly, Devahüti requests her husband to remain at home a few days more, or at least until a male child is born." SB 3.23.53