"My Guru Maharaja is so awesome!" "He is the greatest." "He's in Chile right now." "I can't wait for his return!" At first one may appreciate this pretty young lady's excitement at the preaching center where she was serving her spiritual master, that is, until she continued to speak in that manner, not just one day but every day and often in front of her husband, who seemed to just quietly stand in the background. At one point, while noticing her chatting excitedly with her guru on the phone, one might begin to wonder if her husband got that much attention from her, and whether he ever felt neglected, since their home life appeared to be practically nonexistent. Of course, the motives on her part must have been totally naive, but this entire scene was not without dangers.
Then there's the example of a woman who was very happy when her friends invited her to accompany them to see her guru maharaja who was visiting their nearby temple. Around the same time, however, her husband had become ill and was confined to his bed. She finally decided she'd go to the evening program, and on the way home she could pick up the medicine he very much needed.
Unfortunately for her, she became so carried away by the ecstasy of seeing her GM that afterwards she completely forgot about the medicine. It wasn't until the next morning she remembered it- after her husband's discomfort and temperature had risen enough to require hospitalization. It was then that she asked herself- "If this had been my GM, would i have neglected him so badly?"
Another incident was a lady devotee who was able to arrange a fine car when her guru came to visit, but failed to arrange a cup of milk when her husband apparently wanted some attention from his wife very much.
And then another married woman, who could relate to the above, shared this story:
"I was so excited to meet my spiritual master that around the time of my initiation, even the bullfrog outside my window was chanting, 'Jaya Guru!', "'Jaya Guru!', 'Jaya Guru!'... I aspired to visit my beloved savior every chance I got, thinking about how to take over his most important servants' services, perhaps cook for him, clean his room, do his laundry, dreaming up all sorts of activities...
"Suddenly, my life as a householder became very dissatisfying. I began wishing I could give it up altogether, living instead in the woman's asrama at the temple my spiritual master frequented the most; living a hassle free life that revolved around meetings with him...
"For a short confused while, I caught myself thinking more like a guru groupie than a disciple. And even though I knew I shouldn't, I found myself comparing my GM with my husband. At first, it seemed like comparing a shining moon with a flickering star.
"I started to reason with myself, however, that in the absolute sense, my husband was just as praiseworthy. There were so many services he had rendered for years and years, surrendering his life to the service of his spiritual master Srila Prabhupada and the Hare Krishna movement. I recalled more than a few times in which he even risked his life to protect devotees.
"With these thoughts, I quickly settled my mind once again and better took to heart the warning in the Caitanya Bhagavata, 'Some persons, trying to compare Vaisnavas, calling one a bigger Vaisnava then the other, commit a grave blunder for which they will soon suffer.' (M 22)
"Amazingly, my guru maharaja understood. The next time he saw me - all wrapped up in my new found zeal as his ardent follower- he very soberly instructed me, with a deep fatherly look in his eyes, 'Take care of your husband.'
"And this instruction I have been trying to follow ever since."
LATER NOTE:
The following is a response to a long email questioning this post. A writer asked, in a nutshell, "Why would a woman behave this way if she felt loved and honored by her husband?".
One answer is that every relationship has its up and downs and anyone who feels loved and honored by her husband at all times is probably not even real.
But that's not all.
At the same time, in our Hare Krishna movement, we are hearing daily from sastra in various ways that the goal of life is not marital happiness and how we must eventually be fully detached from such so-called love of husband and family and home in order to be fully Krishna conscious.
What gets even more tricky, however, is that unless someone has heard for a long time and has the full picture of what renunciation really means, they may become bewildered when they witness in our present ISKCON society that the majority of women leaders have externally renounced their husbands and seemingly are at an advantage spiritually, over women who have not.
So this was written just to caution less experienced women because when inevitable difficulties come up in a marriage, it's natural that a wife will experience thoughts like "Why not just quit and give up the husband the way our women leaders do?"
Such is the power of association.
Especially in places where it appears all her needs are taken care of by a well-to-do guru. No more cooking to do or bills to pay or working hard just to survive or no more association with a "less advanced" spouse. Just preach and travel and have a good time. Go on parikrama and associate with the advanced senior men and so on and so on. It looks appealing to the less intelligent or the lazy person or the person who is misinformed or immature about spiritual life.
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