If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.

I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I'd model less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love.

The Need for Varnasrama

Here are some words from Prabhupada from his last days with us, related to a previous post:

(Room conversation in Mayapura, February 14, 1977)

Satsvarupa: When Ramananda Raya brought varnasrama up, Lord Caitanya said it was not possible in this age to introduce this.

Prabhupada: He did not say not possible. Iha bahya. Caitanya Mahaprabhu was interested only on the spiritual platform. He had no idea of material side. He rejected material side.

Satsvarupa: But don't we do that also?

Prabhupada: No. Our position is different. We are trying to implement Krsna consciousness in everything. Caitanya Mahaprabhu personally took sannyasa. He rejected completely material. Niskincana. But we are not going to be niskincana. We are trying to cement the troubled position of the world.That is also in the prescription of Bhagavad-gita. We are not rejecting the whole society. Our duty is that we shall arrange the external affairs also so nicely that one day they will come to the spiritual platform very easily, paving the way. We are preaching. Therefore we must pave the situation in such a way that gradually they will be promoted to the spiritual plane.

Hari-Sauri: But in Caitanya Mahaprabhu's practical preaching He only induced them to chant.

Prabhupada: Chanting will go on. That is not stopped. But at the same time the varnasrama-dharma must be established to make the way easy.

Satsvarupa: We tell them go on with your job but chant also.

Prabhupada: Yes. Caitanya Mahaprabhu recommended, sthane sthitah. Therefore varnasrama-dharma is required. Simply show-bottle will not do. So the varnasrama-dharma should be introduced all over the world, and...

Satsvarupa: Introduced starting with ISKCON community?

Prabhupada: Yes. Yes. Brahmana, ksatriyas. There must be regular education. So we are stressing on the point of education. You educate certain section as brahmana, certain section as ksatriya, certain section as vaisya. In that education we don't discriminate because he's coming of a sudra family. Take education. Be qualified.

Hari-Sauri: But in our community as it is, we are training up as Vaisnavas...

Prabhupada: Vaisnava is not so easy. The varnasrama-dharma should be established to become a Vaisnava. It is not so easy to become Vaisnava.

Hari-Sauri: No, it's not a cheap thing.

Prabhupada: Yes. Vaisnava, to become Vaisnava, is not so easy. If to become Vaisnava is so easy, why so many fall down? It is not easy.

Hari-Sauri: Varnasrama system is beneficial. Where will we introduce the varnasrama system, then?

Prabhupada: In our society, amongst our members.

Hari-Sauri: But then if everybody's being raised to the brahminical platform...

Prabhupada: Not everybody. Why you are misunderstanding? Varnasrama, not everybody should become brahmana.

Hari-Sauri: No, but in our society practically everyone is being raised to that platform. So then one might ask what is...

Prabhupada: Everybody is being raised, but they're falling down.

Hari-Sauri: So then we should make it more difficult to get brahminical initiation. After four or five years.

Prabhupada: Not necessary. You remain as a ksatriya. You'll be happy.

Hari-Sauri: No need for even any brahmana initiation, then...

Prabhupada: No, no.

Hari-Sauri: Unless one is particularly inclined.

Prabhupada: Not that a sudra man is by force become a brahmana. You cannot improve. That is not possible. But even if he remains a sudra and does accordingly, he will get the same position as devotee. Sva-karmana tam abhyarcya sam... He'll get the perfection. At the present moment the idea is: if one remains a sudra, then he cannot get perfection. No. Even a sudra can get perfection provided he does the work of a sudra perfectly.

Hari-Sauri: For Krsna.

Prabhupada: Therefore why a sudra artificially should be a brahmana? Let him remain a sudra, and if he follows strictly the rules and regulation of sudra, he'll also be as good as a brahmana. The same example: Just like head is as important as my leg. It is not that because it is leg, it is less important than my head. And if you ask the head, "Do the work of a leg," it is impossible. And if you ask the leg to work as a brain, that is impossible. Let him remain brain, let him remain leg, and do your duty and you become perfect.

Satsvarupa: Today you've been saying that the Vaisnava is the highest, above the brahmana. But then we've also understood that everyone in ISKCON is a Vaisnava.

Prabhupada: Yes. Vaisnava everyone, even if he's not brahmana. Jivera svarupa haya nitya-krsna-dasa. But you have to gradually bring him to that pure consciousness that "I am servant of Krsna." Here the bodily conception is going on, "I am American," "I am Indian," "I am this," "I am that."

Satsvarupa: If in our society we say, "Srila Prabhupada wants some to be sudra..."

Prabhupada: No, no, no. I don't want. I want everyone to become Vaisnava. But because he's a sudra, it is not possible to bring him immediately to the platform of brahmana, or Vaisnava. Therefore falling down. Therefore the system must be present. But even if he remains a sudra, he's a Vaisnava.

Hari-Sauri: So we'd have to completely revise the whole system that we have now.

Prabhupada: No. Whatever we have, that is all right. But we see by experience that they're falling down. Why falling down? Because he was not fit for the position, therefore he has fallen. Better remain in his position and become perfect. Why artificially bring them? There is no need. Krsna says. Bring that Bhagavad-gita. Sve sve karmany abhiratah?

Hari-Sauri: sve sve karmany ab hiratah samsiddhim labhate narah sva-karma-niratah siddhim yatha vindati tac chrnu By following his qualities of work, every man can become perfect. Now please hear from Me how this can be done."

Prabhupada: Yes. He is sudra, clerk. As a sudra, he can get the perfection. Why he should artificially become a brahmana and sannyasi and fall down? This has to be checked.

Hari-Sauri: So in Mayapura here now we have that situation, that so many...

Prabhupada: Everywhere, wherever, Mayapura or anywhere. Question is that here it is clearly said, sve sve karmany abhiratah. Brahmana has his duty, ksatriya has his duty, vaisya has his duty, sudra has his duty. And if he performs his duty nicely, then he also becomes perfect.So why artificially he should be called a brahmana?Let them do, according to sastra, the work of sudra, or vaisya. He'll become perfect. Perfection is not checked.But why artificially he should be made a brahmana or he should be made a sannyasi and fall down and become ludicrous?That is the point. Better let him live in his position and become perfect. That's good. That looks very nice. And that is possible. That is possible. Lord Visnu can be worshiped if you perfectly follow the rules and regulation of four varnas and four asramas. Here it is also said, sve sve karmani. You work as a perfect brahmana or a perfect ksatriya, perfect sudra; you get perfection. The perfection is available in your natural life.Why should artificially you become unnatural and fall down and become ludicrous?

Hari-Sauri: At this time should we try to introduce it in our centers or not?

Prabhupada: Always we shall try. Human society will be always there. We have to serve them, para-upakara. We have to keep them in the right position.

Hari-Sauri: I just remember two or three years ago there was a thing... A pamphlet came out about introducing the varnasrama system in the society, but actually nothing came of it.

Prabhupada: Yes. That time was not right. Now you can do something. Every business is important. Brahmana business is important, ksatriya... Just like the body. Head is important; the arm is important; the belly is important. They must be kept in order.Just like I am in trouble because my belly is not working. Digesting power is not good. So in spite of brain, hand, and leg, I am diseased. If any part of the society remains diseased, the whole society will suffer.Therefore they must be maintained in correct order. You cannot say if there is some trouble in the leg, "Neglect the leg. Take care of the brain." No. Brain will be taxed due to the pain in the leg. This is nature. Therefore everyone should be kept in order. Then things will go on. That is varnasrama.

Hari-Sauri: So at least if we successfully introduce the varnasrama system in our own society, then when all the demons finish themselves...

Prabhupada: At least... At least... At least they will see, "This is the ideal." Ideal. We are giving the ideal. We are not going to be a sudra. But to show ... Just like you play in a drama. You are playing the part of a king. You are not a king.

Hari-Sauri: No.

Prabhupada: So similarly, just to give them idea, we have to play like that.

Hari-Sauri: Well, again, that's...

Prabhupada: Not necessarily that we are going to be sudra. So that is it. That is the thing. We are servant of Krsna. That's all. And as servant of Krsna, we have to execute the order of Krsna.

Satsvarupa: So we can ideally organize ourselves and then for the rest of the people all we can do is hope that they'll follow it.

Prabhupada: Yes. In order to serve the mass of people, to bring them to the ideal position, we should try to introduce this varnasrama, not that we are going to be candidates of varnasrama. It is not our business. But to teach them how the world will be in peaceful position we have to introduce.

For more on this topic and the very important role domestic women play in Krishna's scheme of things click here: "Varnasrama Begins at Home".

"So modern civilization is not strictly following the Vedic injunction. Therefore, especially I have seen in the Western countries, there is no home practically. There is no homely happiness, because women are allowed to mix freely and there is no protection. They are not married, there is no husband. The father also does not take care. As soon as the girl becomes fifteen, sixteen years, she goes away. Therefore I have practically seen there is no home, there is no peace in the Western countries. These are very important things, that soft-hearted woman, vama-svabhava, they should be given protection. They should be trained up how to become faithful wife, affectionate mother. Then the home will be very happy, and without happiness we cannot make any spiritual progress. We must be peaceful. This is the preliminary condition. Therefore, as far as possible, the Vedic injunction is there should be division in the society, varnasrama….Varnasramacaravata. Because the whole aim is to reach the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Visnu." -SB 1.7.43 lecture, Vrndavana, 10/3/76

Preparing Our Daughters Part II

In regard to the quotes from Srila Prabhupada posted previously, one important item was studying the lives of women in the sastra: "There are many stories, Nala-Damayanti, then Parvati, Sita, five chaste women in the history. They should read their life." -Conversation: July 10, 1975, Chicago

"Not only was mother Sitä powerful, but any woman who follows in the footsteps of mother Sitä can also become similarly powerful. There are many instances of this in the history of Vedic literature. Whenever we find a description of ideal chaste women, mother Sita is among them. Mandodari, the wife of Rävana, was also very chaste. Similarly, Draupadi was one of five exalted chaste women. As a man must follow great personalities like Brahmä and Närada, a woman must follow the path of such ideal women as Sitä, Mandodari and Draupadi." -SB 9.10.27p

On the contrary, a representative of the ISKCON Women's Ministry has recommended that the lives of the chaste ladies given in the sastras and suggested by Srila Prabhupada as part of a woman's education, are currently negligible and should therefore be replaced with Kali yuga career women role models. She seems unaware of an increasing number of western men who are actively seeking out traditional minded women from other countries with the help of matchmaking services. Seeking out traditional women has been happening in ISKCON, too, quite naturally. So, it is not that traditional thinking is dead. Rather, it is making a recovery. It is better that we catch up by replacing the current Women's Ministry with a more dharmic ministry that promotes the return of traditional role models (LATER NOTE: Thankfully, this is starting to happen via the ISKCON Institute for Spiritual Culture and HG Devaki Mataji).

GOOD REASONS TO AVOID JUMPING INTO THE CAREER WOMAN HOLE:
1. Once one invests so much trouble into education as a career woman, she will feel forced to use it, even at the cost of future family life and happiness. And really, what mundane careers are that precious?

Becoming a lawyer to defend liars? Becoming a professor required to teach atheism? Becoming a doctor to prescribe dangerous drugs for an increasingly sick world? Bhagavad Gita says to examine the flaws of every Kali yuga job.

2. Srila Prabhupada was right on the mark that a university education for young women means learning to kill their own children. Normal women are designed to bear children, and to counteract this, feminist-funded education on abortion and contraceptives has become widespread. Think about it- supporting career education for women supports child killing.

3. Imagine the shock of women discovering infertility after devoting their youth pursuing the career they got trained for, what to speak of trying to find a husband when they are much older. It gets tougher, since health problems become more serious with age. After all, nobody wants to marry a walking doctor bill, and unless attachment has had much time to develop, reluctantly will someone want to care for such a person if they should become seriously ill.

On the other hand, a woman who married young and her children are now grown up, took care of all that biological business already, and now has the time do as she likes. 

4. The career woman model is known for killing off femininity. Ever notice how working women are increasingly looking like and or acting like men? Being surrounded by men in most working places makes it a survival tactic.

5. If a woman is successful in her career, her wages give her a certain amount of independence. That means she gains the option to dump her husband when the going gets rough, rather than learning how to work at a relationship. Wealthy women are famous for this. And it puts off maturity.

6. There's a saying that "Credentials on a wall do not make one a decent human being". In other words, it is far better to be a humble housewife with full faith in Krishna and respect for all living beings rather than a faithless, academic addict who derides the Supreme Personality of Godhead Lord Rama as a woman hater or thinks a pure devotee such as Srila Prabhupda is conditioned by his cultural background. The latter exist in ISKCON today, due to association of mundane colleges.

"“Unless you cent percent agree with the spiritual master’s opinion or philosophy, there is no need of accepting a spiritual master. There is no need." (Lecture: Bhagavad-gita 2.8-12 — Los Angeles, November 27, 1968)

“Although a devotee may apparently express himself to be ignorant, he is full of knowledge in every intricate matter.” (SB 3.7.8 purport)

“…if one considers the spiritual master an ordinary human being, one is doomed. His study of the Vedas and his austerities and penances for enlightenment are all useless, like the bathing of an elephant.” (SB 7.15.26 purport)

“If the spiritual master is considered an ordinary man, the disciple surely loses his chance to advance further.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.12.14, Purport)

7. All further education can be better learned instead by good association and good, useful books. Large amounts of time and money can be saved as well from going into the pockets of mundane colleges and it can be better invested for a woman's future home life, what to speak of saving her future husband from having to shoulder a huge college debt!

8. Outside employment is meant for sudras. Srila Prabhupada says:  "You see here that all young girls are carrying water, collecting. In the morning collecting water, cleansing the house, utensils, clothes, taking bath, then cooking, those girls. Their first business. Man's business is to earn money, go to the market, the necessities. Woman's business is take care of household affairs, children, and they have got engagement. And in the presence of father or elder brother or husband, a woman has to earn livelihood—that's a great insult." - (VAD talk, SB 2.1.1-5, 6/28/77, Vrndavana)

9. When women stick to their prescribed duties, deferring to men what are theirs, men naturally will be encouraged or feel needed to perform them. This not only applies to the services at a temple, but in one's home and at the work place as well.

Unfortunately, most employers are now forced to give women job preferences over men out of fear of "sex discrimination" lawsuits. As a result, there has been an increase of working women everywhere, taking over more than 50% of the job force in the west. The same goes for favoring women over men- even if the men prove more qualified- for getting into an educational institution. Thus all of this so-called "progress for women" really means that men are being cheated out of educational, employment and service opportunities. Even a word has been coined to describe this- "misandry". And Bhagavad gita calls it greed, one of the gates to hell, (Bg 16.21)

In this regard, George Gilder, author of Sexual Suicide wrote, "To most men, success at work is virtually a matter of life and death, for it determines his sexual possibilities and affirms his identity as a male in a socially affirmative way... For a female employee the sexual constitution of money is much less important. Her sexual prospects are little affected by how much she makes. Thus even if the woman is a very dependable employee, a payment to her does not usually purchase as great a commitment as does a payment to man." 

Furthermore, with so many people now available for hire, flooding the marketplace, wages are affected, which in turn affects those women who sincerely wish to remain at home. Helen Andelin, author of the best selling classic "Fascinating Womanhood" foresaw this when she wrote: “If you women continue to demand your choice to work, you will so upset the economy of this country that the time will come when you will not have a choice. You will have to work.” And you can thank the feminists for getting rid of the family wage.

A respectable lady, too, has talents and skills she can use to serve humanity, but rather than give class to men, she prefers sharing we Krishna katha with lady friends. Rather than becoming a temple president, she prefers to manage her own household as an expansion of Lord's temple. Rather than being the head pujari, she loves serving her own deities at home and hosting guests to feed them prasada. And rather than preaching to the masses, she engages in various programs with her husband or female companions. In this way, more men can feel encouraged to do their duties rather than become lazy, thinking the women will do everything for them.

10. The more important work for women, caring for their families, won't be neglected. Otherwise, so many disadvantages every child faces who is left to be raised by strangers. One is when the day care is unsteady and the child is switched from one caretaker to another during his most impressionable, formative years. Of course, family women may maintain a nanny or nurse to assist in caring for her children, but she should  be at home directing the caretaker and household help.

In other words, it's not that a lady at home can't have her personal desires met within the domestic sphere. The only real problem is when there is a lack of support from society as a whole, since the lady at home often goes about her business quietly and behind the scenes. Left untrained and uncultured, most women prefer to be seen and heard.

SOCIAL CONDITIONING
Feminist social engineers argue that the traditional roles for men and women are due to a social conditioning that needs to be unlearned. So, even if that were true, that people who want traditional roles still exist, how about we undo feminist conditioning instead?

Actually, we can by teaching our daughters properly. And with a major shift in ISKCON's mindset back to Srila Prabhupada's teachings, they'll soon have lots of company and won't  feel lonely or discouraged. Many a young woman will be able to admit her natural, feminine propensities with a sigh of relief...rather than having to dress like a neon sign board!

So, sensible people need to take a look at the huge, growing discontent displayed against feminism on the web and by talking to people around them. It didn't work. That's because all that was really missing in the past traditional role models was Krishna consciousness. Thus, instead of listening to these gender conscious women who say "by women for women only", let's get back to the business of giving the real knowledge that everyone is thirsting for- Krishna consciousness.

Krishna consciousness, working for the pleasure of Krishna, is so important because in nearly every discussion about the role of women that includes "liberal" minded devotees, there have been disparaging remarks in regards to the position of a mother or a homemaker. They talk like its some sort of nasty duty women are forced to bear in order to get on to better things. They don't seem to understand how anything done for Krishna is an ever-fresh, ever-increasing blissful experience. Nor do they seem to understand what an absorbing and fulfilling service family life can be in relation to Him. It appears all they are really doing is repeating what their Women's Studies classes taught them, rather than experiencing anything for themselves.

Actually, it is this feminism that is repressive and sexist. It is uncivilized and demoniac. Feminist history reveals the expectation for human society to adapt to an artificial, humanist and ultimately confusing ideology, and whoever does not or cannot- is expendable. Therefore, any sane person should reject it.

Undoubtedly, the Hare Krishna movement, seen and revealed by the wise and gentle devotees, is completely transcendental. At the same time, external ISKCON will have its faults or maya's coverings. We've all had our share of misconceptions about Krishna consciousness and endured that of others, but if we are actually hearing and chanting, we should be able to get over them and help newcomers and especially the younger generations to get the right information. Similar to mine, one mataji wrote about her experience joining a women's asrama. Her asrama leader had left her husband and the preaching going on was that family life is maya, children are stool bags and sankirtana is more important than cooking.  Fortunately, when she went to visit her future guru maharaja, he asked her what the position of women was according to Prabhupada's books. She answered that it was to serve her husband in Krsna consciousness. That is what got her wondering whether staying single was a good idea...She said "the moral of this story is we must be careful what we preach to women who come to Krsna consciousness.."

And for those that resolutely dislike domestic life, there's the idea to maintain an all women's temple. In a letter (Nov 1975) Srila Prabhupada wrote:
"My dear Palika devi dasi, Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of your letter dated November 27, 1975. Yes, the separation of man and woman is desirable. If Yamuna and yourself can develop such an institution of a woman's asrama, that will be nice."

As for our daughters, they can be trained in herbal and natural healing, learn about the arts, social graces, nutrition, cleanliness, child care, healthy relationships and so much more. There is a life time of stuff to keep the normal woman busy without the need for a college education, which Prabhupada repeatedly criticized as meant for sudras. Most importantly, given an education in Krishna consciousness, they can become spiritually strong women who are able to withstand the inevitable difficulties this material world has to offer rather than hiding behind artificial philosophies and material adjustments. In other words, let's bring back the beautiful, feminine women- but who are now Krishna conscious.

This could prove to be our most powerful preaching program of all.

Patriarchy, Matriarchy or Anarchy?

A representative of ISKCON Women's Ministry complained that the men in the Hare Krishna movement  do not protect the women properly. She then suggested an artificial remedy called "International Law". Apparently, she neglected the fact that men in general can no longer protect the women and children, because for the last forty-five years they have been stripped of their power by feminism. For one thing, if they do show any sort of authority, they are quickly labeled "control freaks". And every one of us knows to beware of the feminist woman's wrath, backed by taxpayers money and laws that infiltrate every facet of western society. As a result, many men come from broken homes where Mom ruled and Dad didn't exist except in the form of a child support payment (Check out Cassie Jay's documentary "The Red Pill" for a discussion about why) And now Superwoman, who has generally taken over every job a man had done traditionally, wants to give him his job back?

Actually, we should know by now that feminism strives to abolish patriarchy. In a patriarchal society, men lead and women cooperate. But think about it- if we abolish patriarchy then... society must naturally shift to a matriarchy- where women lead and men cooperate. Otherwise, what do we have left?

Without leadership, all that's left is anarchy.

Anarchy is just a stronger way to describe a society without a brain or plan behind it, giving in to the whims and sense desires of individuals rather than they being guided as a group. Yet, it must exist in order for the purest intentions of feminist equality to exist. Howard J. Erlich writes:

"Anarchism is the only mode of social organization likely to prevent the recapitulation of social inequalities. Anarchist feminists know what other radicals often have to learn from bitter experience: the development of new forms of organization designed to get rid of hierarchy, authority, and power requires new social structures. Further, these structures must be carefully built and continually nurtured so that organizations function smoothly and efficiently, and so that new or informal elites will not emerge."

Sounds unnatural? complicated?  expensive?  Again, take "International Law" for an example (see the link above). It's a far cry from the simple life Srila Prabhupada envisioned for us. And the result of such is that devotees are now confused about instructing women what their duties are, since Lord Krishna's opinion has been scrapped.

In Krishna's varnasrama system, everyone has a job to do, and when this is neglected, there is trouble for the entire society. It has a ripple effect, This has been pointed out many times in previous posts: the sacrifices made by a wife and mother are not easy, so when there is no solid support or it becomes weakened by divorced and career or position-oriented women as role models, the chance of success in these very important duties is greatly reduced. Now so many women are without husband and family life. An intelligent person will quickly realize that equality is an impossibility materially. Always there will be persons who must cooperate with another in a subordinate role for a society to run smoothly and to get what they need in life.

Despite this fact, another woman proposed: "If the truth is to be told, it is about everyone: men, women and children in our society who require recognition, honor and respect with sufficient opportunities for devotional service, free from impositions of culture, race or gender (really she just mean's gender). It's about opening a solid, recognisable platform of services in all areas of equal proportion and recognising, identifying, correcting and preventing areas of mistreatment against any devotee in ISKCON by any other ISKCON member." Mayapur GBC meeting 1998

Sound familiar? This is a very good example of the anarchist feminist position described by Erlich above.*

Although such speeches may initially sound very nice, again such equality is not possible on the material platform. Rather, it is spiritual equality we must strive for, which is available internally. It means that the same facility, namely chanting Hare Krishna to develop all good qualities, the fruits of love of Godhead, is available to everyone regardless of race, gender and social position, and so on.
And "correcting and preventing areas of any mistreatment against any devotee"? Get real! Distress in our relationships is a fact of life! Good one day, bad the next. Good one minute, bad the next. We may be so afraid of disagreement and dissension, we may wish for utopia on earth, but disagreement and discord are just another part of dealings in any genuine relationships. Otherwise, trying to eliminate trouble and dissension altogether is something voidists and mayavadis wish for and propagate.

Therefore, let us promote Krishna consciousness instead, a loving tolerance and strength of spirit, rather than women's rights (what about the men's rights? the children's? the animals'? human society's?), feminist sensitivity training or the feminization of ISKCON society (Which are all signs of a matriarchy, by the way). There will always be men who need to assert their authority. These are the same men that will risk their lives on the battlefields, and should be offered all respect rather than shaming tactics and victimization self-justification. And let us consider that the Women's Ministry's attempt to forever perpetuate the adjustments made by Srila Prabhupada early on for his westernized disciples, minus propagating a varnasrama culture, is what gives rise to social disruptions in the first place! Srila Prabhupada explained this very simply:

Woman reporter: What happens when women are not subordinate to men?
Prabhupäda: Then there is disruption. There is disruption, social disruption. If the woman does not become subordinate to man, then there is social disruption. Therefore, in the western countries there are so many divorce cases because the woman does not agree to become subordinate to man. That is the cause.
Woman reporter: What advice do you have to women who do not want to be subordinate to men?
Prabhupäda: It is not my advice, but it is the advice of the Vedic knowledge that woman should be chaste and faithful to man.
Prabhupäda: I am not trying. You are already not equal with the man because in so many respects, your functions are different and man's functions are different. Why do you say artificially they are equal? As I told you that the husband and wife—the wife has to become pregnant, not the husband. How you can change this, both the husband and wife will be pregnant? Is it possible? Is it possible?
Woman reporter: No, it is not.
Prabhupäda: Then by nature one has to function differently from the other.
(TV interview, 7/9/75 Chicago)

Yet, it appears that "time and circumstance" preaching is basically the direction preached within ISKCON- perpetually. Sure, time and circumstance preaching has its place- to attract the conditioned souls, but so does a long term cultural cultivation that supports them afterwards. In other words, we see that preachers do bring people in, but afterwards they have no place to go. There is no social structure in which converts may be supported in everyday matters beyond the spiritual.  This is probably one of the main reasons people leave ISKCON, disenchanted;  Prabhupada's books on social organization remain largely theoretical or are labeled "impractical".

Yet, in many ways,  families in other faiths seem to be doing a better job following them than we do. Surprise! Check out the links from this blog which describe an upsurge in this regard. And they are doing a decent job of training their daughters to be chaste women and their sons to be responsible men. Too bad if ISKCON does not attract those sort of people to our movement, which would be the majority of sincere theists today. If conservative theists could just add Krishna consciousness - the perfection of patriarchy- they could conquer the world.

So what to do? Every society, down to the tiny ants, must have leadership. Who should lead? Whenever in doubt, devotees of the Lord are supposed to consult sastra. According to sastra, men have been assigned the leadership role and women are meant to cooperate. This is stated in every theistic scripture in the world. Why? Because normal women become pregnant; they are meant to become wives and mothers. To go against this is to go against nature. Ever notice how without contraception and abortion, feminism could not exist?  (And this is a reason why women shouldn't vote. Outnumbering decent men -thanks to the wars and so on -  it is women who voted for legal abortion). Nature's laws are God's laws and sastra is the final criterion for understanding who is a theist and who is not.

"The conditioned living entities are divided into two classes in this world. Those who are born with divine qualities follow a regulated life; that is to say they abide by the injunctions in scriptures and by the authorities. One should perform duties in the light of authoritative scripture. This mentality is called divine. One who does not follow the regulative principles as they are laid down in the scriptures and who acts according to his whims is called demoniac or asuric. There is no other criterion but obedience to the regulative principles of scriptures. It is mentioned in Vedic literature that both the demigods and the demons are born of the Prajäpati. The only difference is that one class obeys theVedic injunctions and the other does not." -Bg 16.1p

Take your pick, because the first likely outcome of a society predominated by feminism  is to abolish patriarchy and establish a matriarchy. It is what  we see currently with increasing horrors of abortion and weakened men who are over- attached to women.  There must be someone in charge for any society to exist.

At a Christian website I found similar concern: "Matriarchy is the behavioral extension of gender inversion--the goal being female dominance. Often, the man, having relinquished, beginning with the spiritual, his male role and responsibility creates a 'leadership vacuum' into which the woman is drawn (whether she likes to or not). Or the woman, under encouragement and support from mother or female associates, usurps her husband's position through subtle manipulation (maybe sexual) or outright abusiveness and violence, or both. If the husband is other than passive, conflict is inevitable. Over time, if she persists, she may likely destroy the marriage (or even her family!) in her bid for control and dominance.

"When this usurpation extends to the local church, the women may control from behind the scenes or increasingly take an up front leadership roles. Scripture is twisted or altogether ignored to allow women access to ministerial positions, equality of role, and authority over men."

 

So we need to fight the host culture which is producing all these unwanted things. Are we not taught to be servant of the servant? Why not let our men and sons do the job they are supposed to do? We can offer support by not only doing what we women are supposed to do, but by also desisting from the urge to do everything else for them. That is a good way to train them, to make them understand that they are needed. Prescribed duties are Krishna's plan given in every theistic scripture of the world. The difference is that we've been given detailed knowledge why and how to perform our duty while thinking of Krishna  That will please Krishna and if Krishna is pleased, the whole world will follow.

*Is this to say that there are anarchist feminists in our movement? Krishna Kirti prabhu (ACBSP) has a better explanation, one also mentioned in previous posts, how subtly and all pervasively the feminist attitudes have infiltrated our lives, not only before becoming devotees, but from various continued non-devotee association. He explains:

"Even in Srila Prabhupada’s presence there have been significant, internal controversies. The controversy between the sannyasis and the householders in 1976 is but one example, and many more came after Srila Prabhupada’s departure in 1977. Although ISKCON’s most infamous controversies are usually credited to immaturity, pride, or ambition, rarely have they been credited to prior conditioning—'normal' social attitudes and patterns of thinking that devotees developed before they came to ISKCON. If the Western countries are filled with impersonalism and voidism, then Western patterns of thought and their underlying ideologies have played an important yet invisible part in bringing about these controversies. The clash between ideologies underlying Western culture and ideologies underlying traditional Indian Vaishnava culture has been at the heart of these controversies."  - ISKCON'S Idealogy Part II, A-Brief-Exploration-of-the-History-of-ISKCON

Ksatriya

The ksatriya's qualities are most interesting:

• Diplomatic - but ready and able to fight when necessary
• Religious- perhaps to the extreme, seeing only the black and white of things due to their passionate nature, a stern people not sentimental, but they are:
• Devoted to the brahmanas- who guide them to see the finer shades of gray and therefore to make wise decisions.
• Tough- and super determined and can endure physical discomforts without complaint, but
• Proud- They cannot endure insult or disregard. They also don't mix with just anybody.
• Generous- They are prepared to give up anything to the worthy.
• Protective- Prepared to do anything to protect them, too, 
•  Resourceful - careful, energetic managers 
• Leaders -by engaging everyone properly in Krishna's service while setting an example.
• Powerful- Empowered by God to rule over others towards God consciousness and peaceful life.
• Keenly Intelligent - Able to grasp and execute the brahmanas' ruling.
• Heroic- Willing to take up a challenge and bravely stand up for what is right. Perhaps even recklessly, but again, that's where the brahmanas' guidance come in.

We need ksatriyas! Instead of an androgynous society, ISKCON needs to encourage ksatriya men along with the women who follow them- proud, pure, devoted women. Srimati Rukmini devi didn't act helpless when she discovered her marriage had gotten arranged to Sisupala instead of Krishna, and Queen Draupadi belted Jayadratha when he sinisterly tried to steal her away.  Queen-like women, who will attract and give birth to great souls to this world. Women who give meaning to the word "woman". Men who give meaning to the word "man". Fierce traditionalists tamed by brahmanas.

MEANWHILE

Although ksatriya men and women are greatly needed, they are not much appreciated at present by the politically correct. They are a stern people, and the ksatriya ladies do not mix.

Meanwhile, we have full faith in the power of the holy name and the supreme will of the Lord. The more we take shelter, the more hearts are cleansed to see clearly their worth, and people will naturally increase in godliness and religiousness as individuals and strive to do what is right which would include resurrecting a ksatriya varna, encouraging the chastity of first class ladies, starting varnasrama villages, protesting philosophical errors, etc.

Satsvarüpa däsa Goswami: One day Prabhupäda called in the G.B.C. members. It was in the afternoon, and we could see he was feeling very blissful. He was hearing the kirtana in the temple. He said everyone should come to Mäyäpur and chant twenty-four hours a day. He said, "There is so much room here. The morning class is so nice-Prahläda Mahäräja's instruction a million years ago. A five-year-old boy was speaking. The chanting, according to Bhaktivinoda Thäkura, is the only solace. It is nothing material, the chanting. Ajämila called the name of Näräyana and was saved."

Prabhupäda said that batches of devotees should come to Mäyäpur so that there should always be five hundred men present. Then a devotee said, "In America they are trying to chant more, twelve hours a day, trying to get a twenty-four-hour kirtana schedule." "Yes, everywhere," Srila Prabhupäda said, "this chanting should go on. Instead of meetings, resolutions, dissolutions, revolutions, and then no solutions, there should be chanting."  --SP Lilamrta 6.49

fluffy biscuits

Krishna loves butter. Here's something yummy to offer to Him with it.

(Preheat oven to 450 degrees)

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 c atta or whole wheat pastry flour
• 4 t baking powder
• 1/4 t baking soda
• 3/4 t salt
• 4 T butter, chilled (this is most important. The shock of chilled butter meeting a 400 degree oven is what makes the finished product fluffy.)
• 1 cup buttermilk or thinned yogurt, chilled

PREPARATION:

1. Combine dry ingredients in a mixing bowl.
2. Cut the butter into the flour mixture until the consistency is like fine crumbs.
3. Make a well in the mixture and pour in the buttermilk. Stir briefly to begin moistening all the dry ingredients.
4. Empty contents onto a lightly floured, clean surface and lightly knead the ingredients by  folding 5 or six times, incorporating all remaining mixture that is still loose. 
5. Gently pat the dough until it is about 1" thick. Cut into biscuits. I used a 3" diameter cutter to make 8 large biscuits. Gently push together any remaining scraps to form a last biscuit or two.
6. Place biscuits close together on a ghee greased tray (I use my cast iron skillet). Bake for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned on the edges and the top is firm and beginning to brown.

I offered these to Krishna this morning with a bowl of wet kitchri and a bowl of fresh, honey sweetened yogurt.

DROP BISCUITS
I whip these up much, much more often. Again, I bake them on a gheesed cast iron skillet. Makes about 8 biscuits.

Preheat oven 400 degrees
INGREDIENTS:

• 1 1/2 c atta or whole wheat flour (I grind my own)
• 1 T baking powder
• 3 T sugar
• 2-3 T ghee
• salt (as desired, optional)
• Whey (from yogurt or paneer. Or simply use what's available- couple tablespoons yogurt or sour cream and water)

PREPARATION:

1. Whisk all the dry ingredients with ghee together in a mixing bowl.
2. Add the whey. If you don't have a lot of whey, also add water. 
3. Stir lightly until all the ingredients are moistened well.
4. Scoop biscuit sized amounts of batter onto a cast iron skillet coated with a little ghee.
5. Bake 10 minutes. Offer to Lord Krishna with hot milk for a light evening snack.

My Choice

At seven A.M., I don't envy the mob
Who rise, shine and shower and go to the job.
In rain, sleet or storm, whether snowing or blowing,
I stay home and savor the joys of not going.

Cheers to you dears out fulfilling yourselves.
I'll bake a nice cake, and I'll straighten my shelves,
I'll knit babe some socks and with the kids take a walk.
If my neighbor drops in, I'll have time for a talk.

I'd rather have a family than fortune or fame;
I don't think my apron's a Red Badge of Shame.
You're welcome to banking, computers and math,
Guns, plumbing and business. I'll take a hot bath!

Art, music, reading—the good things of life
Are no less my own, since I'm mother and wife.
If I scrub, mop or dig in the garden, I'm free...

Remember, the choices were all made by me.

-Helene Lewis Coffer, lightly adapted

"O son of Kunti, all that you do, all that you eat, all that you offer and give away, as well as all austerities that you may perform, should be done as an offering unto Me." -Bhagavad-gita As It Is 9.27

"A Kṛṣṇa conscious person is always dovetailed with the supreme desire, for he has no desire for personal sense gratification. He moves exactly like a part of a machine. As a machine part requires oiling and cleaning for maintenance, similarly, a Kṛṣṇa conscious man maintains himself by his work just to remain fit for action in the transcendental loving service of the Lord." -Bhagavad gita As It Is 4.21p

Crunchy Cauliflower Pakoras

Always a hit and-cooked in ghee- the best vegetarian substitute for fried chicken. Ghee-fried makes cauliflower pakoras a truly delicious choice for "animal food without slaughter."

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 c besan
• 1 T ground cumin
• 1 T ground coriander
• 1 T ground black pepper
• 3/4 t hing
• 1/2 T turmeric
• 1 T salt
• water
• ghee for deep frying
• cauliflower, chopped in nugget-sized flowerettes

PREPARATION:

1. Chop the cauliflower into nuggets for coating with batter.
2. Combine all dry ingredients.
3. Add water to make a semi thick batter
4. Before dipping the cauliflower into the batter, dip them into flour first. That way the batter will stick better to the vegetable. Then after dipping into the batter, deep fry in hot ghee until crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. They will be a deep browned color. Ideally, they are darker than the ones pictured. They'll be more tender.
5. Drain on a clean kitchen towel.

Offer to Krishna immediately, with a favorite chutney.

VARIATION: Gourmet friend Katelin recommends replacing the besan with rice flour and replacing the plain water with club soda. The result was a batch of pakoras with ultra crispness!

All Glories to Sri Nityananda Rama!

                   
A favorite song for offering Lord Nitai on His holy appearance day:

DALALERA GITA by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura
(1)
boro sukher khabor gāi
surabhi-kuñjete nāmer hāṭ khule’che (khoda nitāi)
(2)
boro mojār kathā tāy
śraddhā-mūlye śuddha-nāma sei hāṭete bikāy
(3)
jata bhakta-bṛnda basi’
adhikārī dekhe’ nāma becche daro kasi’
(4)
jadi nāma kinbe, bhāi
āmār sańge calo, mahājaner kāche jāi
(5)
tumi kinbe kṛṣṇa-nāma
dasturi loibo āmi, pūrṇa ha’be kāma
(6)
boro doyāl nityānanda
śraddhā-mātra lo’ye den parama-ānanda
(7)
ek-bār dekhle cakṣe jal
‘gaura’ bole’ nitāi den sakala sambal
(8)
den śuddha kṛṣṇa-śikṣā
jāti, dhana, vidyā, bala nā kore apekṣā
(9)
amani chāḍe māyā-jāl
gṛhe thāko, bane thāko, nā thāke jañjāl
(10)
ār nāiko kalir bhoy
ācaṇḍāle den nāma nitāi doyāmoy
(11)
bhaktivinoda ḍāki’ koy
nitāi-caraṇa binā ār nāhi āśroy

TRANSLATION
1) I am singing news of great happy tidings. Lord Nityananda Himself has opened a market-place of the Holy Name in Surabhi-Kunja.

2) The news of its great results is that He is selling the pure Holy Name in that market-place for the price of only one's faith.

3) Lord Nityananda, the proprietor of the market, seeing all the devotees become attracted, is selling them the Holy Name after bargaining with them.

4) O brother, if you want to buy the Holy Name, then go with me. We must go to the presence of that great soul, Nityananda.

5) You will buy the name of Krsna, I will take my commission and all of our desires will be fulfilled.

6) Lord Nityananda is greatly merciful. Taking only one's faith, He gives the highest ecstasy.

7) If Nitai sees only once tears in the eyes while chanting the name "Gaura", then He gives all resources to that person.

8) He gives the pure teachings of Krsna to everyone and does not care for one's birth, wealth, knowledge and strength.

9) Now, giving up the illusory snare of Maya, either remain in household life or in the forest as a sannyasi for no more troubles remain.

10) There is no more fear of the age of Kali. The merciful Nityananda gives the Holy Name to even the candalas.

11) Bhaktivinoda calls out: "Except for the lotus feet of Lord Nityananda there is no other shelter!"

pineapple chutney

 The general standard is a chutney that is "Too hot to eat, but too sweet to resist"!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 medium-large ripe pineapple, washed, peeled, cored and chopped into bite-sized chunks
• 2-3 T ghee
• 1 T grated ginger
• 1 t cumin seeds 
• 1/2 t dried red chilis (or as desired)
• 1/2 t coriander powder
• 1/2 t fenugreek seeds
• 1/2 t turmeric
• 2/3-1 c firmly packed brown sugar (or turbinado sugar if preferred)

PREPARATION:
1. Heat the ghee in a saucepan and fry the cumin seeds and chilies until they brown. Add turmeric and pineapple chunks.
2. Stir-fry a few minutes. Cover and cook over a low- medium flame for 15-30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3. Remove the cover. Mash a bit. Stir in the sugar and cook over a low flame until jam-like thickness. If in a hurry and there is  a lot of juice (especially if making a large quantity), I mix water into a little arrow root and stir into the hot mixture to thicken. It only takes a few minutes. Turn off the heat when desired thickness is attained.

Offer to Krishna with piping hot pakoras.

Handling a Difficult Man

Helpful advice from Helen B. Andelin:

What do I mean by a difficult man? It can mean many things but especially one who is impatient, irritable, angry, grumpy, stubborn, obstinate or just distant. In the 1980 TV movie series, “All in the Family,” Archie Bunker is a perfect example of a difficult man and his wife Edith handled him remarkably well. What are the...rules for handling such a difficult man? I recommend the following:

First, check into your own life...Do you have a smooth running home? Are things picked up around the house? Dinner on time? When dinner is unnecessarily late and he is increasingly hungry, it can bring out the worst in a man. Are you spending too much money? Too much time talking on the phone? And how are you treating him?... Do you build him, or trample on him? Are you nourishing his soul with appreciation and admiration, and filling his other masculine needs?...

Next, check into his life. Is he having problems in his work? Are his plans being frustrated? Is he overloaded with responsibility with no solution in sight? Under a strain? Is he working for a goal that is draining off his energy, his patience? Or is his life the opposite - dull and monotonous, passing him by with nothing to show for it? How is his health? Does he feel up to par physically? If any of the above applies you can help him immeasurably by being patient and understanding, by expressing sympathy for his problems and trust in his ability to solve problems or reach his goals. When a man’s life is difficult his wife has her best opportunity to prove her worth. She is more indispensable to his happiness.

And last, you may have to accept some of his obstinacy as inborn. Some men have thin nerves. Life is more difficult for them. So, accept his short tempered nature as a part of him and don’t try to change him into a sweet tempered man or you may be in for more trouble. He may not know how to change and this can frustrate him, trap his emotions and make him more ill tempered than ever. It has been observed by some that the higher a man’s goals the more short-tempered he is inclined to be. We have covered the three possible causes of a man’s difficult nature and the best way to deal with them. But, how should a woman react at the moment a man is difficult? The following are two positive methods...:

One way is to be feminine. Use a gentle approach. An old Christian Hymn reads, “You can speak a gentle word, to the heart with anger stirred.” It is a method of handling an irritable husband in a way that will disarm him so that his anger softens or even disappears.

An excellent example of this is the way in which Mrs. Carl Sandberg handled her husband, recorded in the book, A Great and Glorious Romance. The Sandberg’s daughter Helga writes of her parents, “There never were loud arguments back and forth in our house. My father raged and roared, and often. But it was one way. My mother coaxed him out of it. Once when he was very old I saw him pull at a door that was stuck. He rattled the handle and shouted. My mother, a small woman, looked up at him and patted his chest. “What a fine strong voice,” she said. Disarmed he stood there, in love. It was a thread established early, and woven through their life.”

The second and probably the best way to handle a difficult man, at the moment he is difficult, is to react (with)...teasing playfulness... The prime example I have given of this quality is Babbie from the novel The Little Minister by James Barrie. Babbie is such an excellent example that I have devoted most of the chapter to quotes from the book, which demonstrate her childlike quality of teasing playfulness in handling the short tempered Little Minister in a way that won his heart and soul. To quote from the book:

Babbie had tricked the Little Minister into helping her escape through a line of soldiers by pretending to be his wife. Gavin was furious. “It was beautiful,” she exclaimed, clasping her hands merrily.

“It was iniquitous,” he answered. “And I, a minister.”

After listening to his scolding, Babbie’s face changed and she became as a child. “I am very sorry,” she said, as if he had caught her stealing jam. The hood had fallen back and she looked at him pleadingly. She had the appearance of one who was entirely in his hands.

“I do not understand you,” Gavin said weakly. Only a few hours ago you were a gypsy girl in a fantastic dress. Now you fling a cloak over your shoulders and become a fine lady. Who are you?”

Babbie answered mischievously, “Perhaps it is the cloak that has bewitched me.” She slipped out of it. “Ay” she said, as if surprised. “It was just the cloak that did it, for now I am a poor ignorant little lassie again. My goodness but clothes do make a difference to a woman.”

This was sheer levity, so the dignified minister walked away, but he was charmed.

A Word of Warning
When speaking to a man... take particular care that you do not wound him emotionally. By this I mean do not say or do anything that would make him feel guilty, ignorant, anxious, humiliated or inferior. Such feelings can be painful, sometimes injurious and will do nothing for either of you but put a wedge in your relationship. Avoid awakening these negative feelings in your husband, your children or anyone you are cultivating a relationship with. The only way we can help anyone to grow is to look to their better side and help them find happiness.

apple chutney

Another chutney? At the buffet where I assist my husband, I always make the chutney, so here's another customer favorite to add to my collection:

INGREDIENTS:
6 medium large apples, peeled, cored and chopped
4 T ghee
2 t grated ginger
2 cinnamon sticks
1 t anise seeds
2 or 3 dried red chillies, crushed
5 cloves
1 t turmeric
1/4 c water
1/2 c brown sugar

PREPARATION:
1. Chaunce the spices in the ghee and add apples; stir fry.
2. Add water cover and cook on high 15 minutes, stirring often until apples get juicy and soften; mash well.
3. Add sugar and continue to cook until thick. Let cool. You may wish to pick out all the hard pieces like the cinnamon sticks before offering. Delicious served with cauliflower pakoras.

pumpkin

Not only do they look nice around the house, pumpkins make me think about how kind Krishna is to living beings, how perfect He has created and arranged everything for our well being. What's neat about pumpkins and similar foods such as butternut and spaghetti squash is that they have a long shelf life. That means fresh vegetables to eat even during the cold season without the trouble of drying or preserving them in some way. They just need a cool dark place for storage.

Pumpkins are rich in vitamins, too. They are delicious prepared in various ways- pies, cakes, soups, even cookies. Perhaps the nicest way to prepare it, though, is the simplest. Just cut the pumpkin into slices and roast in a pan with a little ghee.
Another way is to put larger slices in a pan of water and steam before adding salt, pepper and butter.
It's easier than how I used to do it below:

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 small fresh pumpkin, seeded and peeled and cut into chunks (or the pumpkin may be prebaked at 400 degrees for about 45 minutes and then cooled to make cutting easier. By cutting it into large sections and not baking too long, it should turn out less mushy)
• 4-6 T butter
• salt
• 1/2 t ground black pepper
• 1/4-1/2 t nutmeg (optional)
• water
• salt

PREPARATION:
1. Melt the butter, add pepper and nutmeg and the pumpkin. Stir on medium to high heat a few minutes, coating the pumpkin with the butter and spices.
2. Add a little water and cover and cook pumpkin on high heat about five-ten minutes (longer and with more water if the pumpkin is not prebaked) until tender. Add salt and offer. Serve piping hot with parathas on a cold morning.

KRISHNA CONSCIOUS CARVINGS
For those who like carving pumpkins, here's one our artistic son-in-law carved last October:

Jaya Jagannatha!