Preparing Our Daughters

Excerpts from Srila Prabhupada:

TWO THINGS
"We shall teach the girls two things: One thing is how to become chaste and faithful to their husband, and how to cook nicely. If these two qualifications they have, I will take guarantee to get for them good husband. I'll personally... Yes. These two qualifications required. She must learn how to prepare first-class foodstuff, and she must learn how to become chaste and faithful to the husband. Only these two qualification required. Then her life is successful..." (July 10, 1975, Chicago)

Satsvarupa: You were saying that everyone should take the Deity's prasadam. But it sounds like the women are being trained to cook, so...
Prabhupada: No, no, no. No, no. The thing is that Deity or at home, she must be very first-class cook. That is wanted. That is according to convenience. If possible, they can take prasadam in the temple. If not possible, they must cook. But she must be first-class cook. That is wanted, either in the temple or outside. In India still, 80%, 90%, they are very happy in their family life, never mind one is poor or rich, because the wife knows... to remain chaste and faithful to the husband, and she knows how to cook nicely. (Conversation: July 10, 1975, Chicago)

EXPERT IN COOKING
Prabhupada: India knows how to eat. (Pause) I have traveled all over the world, and this is my experience. Nobody knows how to eat.
Devotee: Nowhere at all, Srila Prabhupäda?
Prabhupäda: Only India. [break] ...every province they have got different dishes. Because the woman, they are trained up how to cook very nice.
Devotee: I even see these boys when I was in Chandigarh, in a dish next door to the temple we were starting there.
Prabhupäda: Woman is meant for that purpose, how to make nice palatable dishes...
In Bengal there is a ceremony after marriage, bahu-bhäta. (?)The newly married girl, she shall cook, and all the relatives, friends, are invited and they appreciate, "Yes, nice cook." Then she is accepted as member of the whole family. Bahu-bhäta.
Devotee: And if not, Prabhupäda? If her cooking is not...
Prabhupäda: Therefore she is trained up.
Devotee: And if she's not trained up.
Prabhupäda: She must be trained up. Just like Rädhäräni, She was trained up in sixty-four arts. Do you think to captivate Krishna is easy thing? How much qualified She must have been so that Krishna was attracted.

Prabhupada: This is Indian attitude. They do not care for the modern, civilized way of life, wasting time reading some nonsense book or going to the bars, the cinema, talking unnecessarily. They do not like. Those who are old style, they do not.
Gopala Krsna: No, I know many women who are very good cooks, I have tasted....
Prabhupada: They have no time to waste time in that way. They must be inclined that I must prepare something nice so that my husband, my children or my, all friends will be very pleased. That is their policy. I wanted that all our girls, they should be expert. And in America they are doing that. They should learn the art of cooking and prepare very nice foodstuffs, daily change of menu. And the children should be so trained up that no more birth. And that is life. (Lecture: SB 6.1.31, January 3, 1977, Bombay)

A LOVING SERVICE MOOD
"Although she was not accustomed to such difficulties, Queen Arci followed her husband in the regulative principles of living in the forest like great sages. She lay down on the ground and ate only fruits, flowers and leaves, and because she was not fit for these activities, she became frail and thin. Yet because of the pleasure she derived in serving her husband, she did not feel any difficulties." -SB 4.23.20

Prabhupada: If the girls are taught to give service to the husband to the greatest satisfaction, there will be no disagreement. (Conversation: July 31, 1976, Paris)

IN ALL CONDITIONS OF LIFE
"The words bhartur vrata-dharma-nisthayä indicate that a woman's duty, or religious principle, is to serve her husband in all conditions. In Vedic civilization a man is taught from the beginning of his life to become a brahmacäri, then an ideal grhastha, then vänaprastha, then sannyäsi, and the wife is taught just to follow the husband strictly in all conditions of life. After the period of brahmacarya, a man accepts a householder's life, and the woman is also taught by her parents to be a chaste wife. Thus when a girl and boy are united, both are trained for a life dedicated to a higher purpose. The boy is trained to execute his duty in accordance with the higher purpose of life, and the girl is trained to follow him. The chaste wife's duty is to keep her husband pleased in householder life in all respects, and when the husband retires from family life, she is to go to the forest and adopt the life of vänaprastha, or vana-väsi. At that time the wife is to follow her husband and take care of him, just as she took care of him in householder life. But when the husband takes the renounced order of life, namely sannyäsa, the wife is to return home and become a saintly woman, setting an example for her children and daughters-in-law and showing them how to live a life of austerity." -SB 4.23.20p

FAITHFUL WIFE AND AFFECTIONATE MOTHER
"These are very important things, that soft-hearted woman, vama-svabhva, they should be given protection. They should be trained up how to become faithful wife, affectionate mother. Then the home will be very happy and without happiness we cannot make any spiritual progress. We must be peaceful. This is the preliminary condition." -SB 1.7.43 lecture, Vrindavan, Oct. 3, 1976

"So women should be trained up to be very faithful and chaste. Then the life will be very happy. That is the only education for woman." -room conversation, 7/13/75, Philadelphia

HOUSEWIFE
Prabhupada: Woman should be expert in cooking. That is their natural tendency. They should be educated how to cook nicely, how to please the husband, how to take care of the children. This is Vedic civilization. In the beginning a woman, childhood, she's trained up by the mother. Then as soon as she is married, formerly, child-marriage, so she's transferred to the care of mother-in-law. There she is trained up. Then she becomes very good housewife, takes care of household affairs, husband, children, and home becomes happy....(Conversation: July 7, 1976, Baltimore)

Prabhupada: Girls should be taught how to become faithful wife, how to learn nice cooking, cleansing, dressing. Simple method. There is no objection of their becoming scholar, but that is not necessary. They have got natural inclination to give service by cooking, cleansing, dressing. Cleanliness is the first necessity. That is hygienic, spiritual, and calm, quiet....(Conversation: January 8, 1977, Bombay)


"Cooking, sewing, things like that do not require schooling, they are learned simply by association...You ask about marriage, yes, actually I want that every woman in the Society should be married. But what is this training to become wives and mothers? No school is required for that, simply association....A woman's real business is to look after household affairs, keep everything neat and clean, and if there is sufficient milk supply available, she should always be engaged in churning butter, making yogurt, curd, so many nice varieties, simply from milk. The woman should be cleaning, sewing, like that. So if you simply practice these things yourselves and show examples, they will learn automatically, one doesn't have to give formal instruction in these matters..." -letter to: Chaya dasi, Feb 16, 1972
SIXTY-FOUR ARTS
Prabhupada: And female children should be taught how to become faithful to the husband, and to learn the arts of cooking, arts of painting-- that should be their subject matter.
Jyotirmayi: Painting?
Prabhupada: Yes, sixty-four arts, Radharani did. Then She could control Krsna.
Jyotirmayi: So after they have learned all the academics, reading, writing, and all these.
Prabhupada: Academic is ordinary, ABCD, that's all. Not very much. But these arts. They should learn how to cook nicely....  -Conversation: July 31, 1976, Paris

STUDYING THE LIVES OF CHASTE WOMEN
Prabhupada: Educate the girls how to become faithful, chaste wife and how to cook nicely. Let them learn varieties of cooking. Is very difficult? These two qualifications, apart from Krsna consciousness, materially they should learn. There are many stories, Nala-Damayanti, then Parvati, Sita, five chaste women in the history. They should read their life. And by fifteenth, sixteenth year they should be married. And if they are qualified, it will be not difficult to find out a nice husband. Here the boys, they do not want to marry because they are not very much inclined to marry unchaste wife. They know it, that I shall marry a girl, she is unchaste. ...  -Conversation: July 10, 1975, Chicago

"Not only was mother Sitä powerful, but any woman who follows in the footsteps of mother Sitä can also become similarly powerful. There are many instances of this in the history of Vedic literature. Whenever we find a description of ideal chaste women, mother Sita is among them. Mandodari, the wife of Rävana, was also very chaste. Similarly, Draupadi was one of five exalted chaste women. As a man must follow great personalities like Brahmä and Närada, a woman must follow the path of such ideal women as Sitä, Mandodari and Draupadi." -SB 9.10.27p

DESIRING A VAISNAVA HUSBAND
"Every woman is expected to be as good and chaste as Devahüti or Bhaväni. Today in Hindu society, unmarried girls are still taught to worship Lord Shiva with the idea that they may get husbands like him. Lord Shiva is the ideal husband, not in the sense of riches or sense gratification, but because he is the greatest of all devotees.... Shambhu, or Lord Shiva, is the ideal Vaisnava. He constantly meditates upon Lord Räma and chants Hare Räma, Hare Räma, Räma Räma, Hare Hare. Lord Shiva has a Vaisnava sampradäya, which is called the Vishnu Svämi-sampradäya. Unmarried girls worship Lord Shiva so that they can expect a husband who is as good a Vaisnava as he. The girls are not taught to select a husband who is very rich or very opulent for material sense gratification; rather, if a girl is fortunate enough to get a husband as good as Lord Shiva in devotional service, then her life becomes perfect. The wife is dependent on the husband, and if the husband is a Vaisnava, then naturally she shares the devotional service of the husband because she renders him service. This reciprocation of service and love between husband and wife is the ideal of a householder's life." -- SB 3.23.2p

PARDA/ SEPARATION OF THE SEXES
Prabhupada: So far gurukula is concerned, that also, I have given program.
They have given the name of "girls." We are not going to do that.
Tamala Krishna: What is that?
Prabhupada: Girls. Boys and girls. That is dangerous.... Girls should be completely separated from the very beginning. They are very dangerous.
Tamala Krishna: So we're... I thought there were girls in Vrindävana now. They said that they're going to have the girls' gurukula behind the boys' gurukula. Gopäla was talking about that.
Prabhupada: No, no, no. No girls.
Tamala Krishna: It should be in another city or somewhere else.
Prabhupada: Yes. They should be taught how to sweep, how to stitch...
Tamala Krishna: Clean.
Prabhupada: ...clean, cook, to be faithful to the husband.
Tamala Krishna: They don't require a big school.
Prabhupada: No, no. That is mistake. They should be taught how to become obedient to the husband.
Tamala Krishna: Yeah, you won't learn that in school.
Prabhupada: Little education, they can...
Tamala Krishna: Yeah. That they can get at home also.
Prabhupada: They should be stopped, this practice of prostitution.  This is a very bad system in Europe and America. The boys and girls, they are educated-coeducation. From the very beginning of their life they become prostitutes. And they encourage.
--April 29, 1977 - Conversation - Bombay

"When the boys and girls become ten or twelve years and above, then [they] should be separated. At that time special care should be taken, because once they become a victim of sex their whole life becomes spoiled." -letter to: Satsvarupa, October 4, 1973

Prabhupada: Woman should be taken care of--as daughter, as wife, as mother, bas. No freedom. Then prostitution. Then spoiled the whole thing. Unwanted children, contraceptive, abortion. Very dangerous....
-Conversation: April 30, 1977, Bombay

Prabhupada: As soon as they allow young girl to mix with young boys, finished.... -Conversation: June 28, 1977, Vrndavana
PRABHUPADA'S VIEW ON COLLEGE FOR WOMEN
"All the children should learn to read and write very nicely, and a little mathematics, so that they will be able to read our books...There is no question of academic education for either boys or girls--simply a little mathematics and being able to read and write well, that's all, no universities. Their higher education they will get from our books, and other things they will get from experience, like preaching, SKP, etc. Alongside the regular classes in reading and writing, the other routine programmes they should also participate in, like arotik, kirtan, preaching, Sankirtan, like that." -letter to: Chaya dasi, Feb 16, 1972

Satsvarupa: Srila Prabhupada, is this school for women also, or just for men?
Prabhupada: For men. Women should automatically learn how to cook, how to cleanse home. (Morning Walk: March 14, 1974, Vrindavan)

Prabhupada: Ordinary education is sufficient, ABCD. This is all nonsense, so big, big, sound education and later on become a prostitute. What is this education? (laughter) To make them prostitute, it doesn't require education.... (Conversation: July 10, 1975, Chicago)

"We give Krsna consciousness both to the woman and man equally. We do not make any such distinction. But to protect them from this exploitation by man, we teach something, that "You do like this. You do like that. You be married. Be settled up. Don't wander independently." We teach them like that. But so far Krsna consciousness is concerned, we equally distribute." - room conversation: Philadelphia, July 13, 1975

"Prostitute means... They are, in Sanskrit, called pumscali. Pumscali means they are moved by other men, pumsacli. There are three kinds of women: [sairini,] sairindhri, pumscali...In this way there are divisions. So some women, they are very easily carried by men. So that is not very good. Therefore I am instructing our GBCs that 'Let our little girls be educated to become faithful and chaste.' That is their qualification. No education required. And the boys should be trained up to become first-class men, samo damas titiksa, like that. And literary, Sanskrit and English, that will make them perfect. If the husband is first class and the wife is chaste and faithful, then the home is heaven." -lecture: SB 6.1.31; San Francisco, July 16, 1975

Prabhupada: My opinion is already there....They should be chaste, faithful to husband. Little literary knowledge, they can read. That's all. Not very much. -conversation: January 31, 1977, Bhubaneshwar

Prabhupada: And woman left alone means prostitution.
Tamala Krsna: That's what's going on now in Bombay, Calcutta. The men send their unmarried daughters to become secretary. She must be...And even before that, they go to college, freely mixing with the men. -6/28/77, Vrndavana

"How to kill child. This is education, huh? Educated girl means how to divorce husband, how to kill child. Is it not? Educated, modern educated girl means how to become unfaithful to the husband, how to divorce and how to kill child....This is the education. The uneducated girls do not do this." -Conversation: Nov. 26, 1975, New Delhi 1976
Click here for Preparing Our Daughters Part II

What's a Woman to Do? :P
A response to the question posted in BTG

Dear Daughter
challenging our daughters to be loving wives

Studying the Lives of Chaste Women
The "Extraordinary Women" Section of this blog

Homemakers in Training
Suggestions for preparing homemakers.

Cooking Lessons
Suggested topics and recipes for homemakers in training

I Love Homemaking
Without Krishna, a devotee doesn't find anything interesting really, but connected to Krishna, authoress Laine points out ways the karma of the feminine nature can be very appealing. 

Hospitality

Receiving guests is an important part of home deity worship. Not only are we able to distribute the prasadam offered to the deity, but also we can become absorbed in pleasing the Supersoul deity dwelling within every visitor's heart. Here's a few tips to get started.

A CLEAN HOUSE IS EASY TO CLEAN
First of all, by daily systematic cleaning and upkeep, one's house can easily become company ready without too much extra endeavor. That way it is easier to concentrate on the meal preparation and the guests' comfort when they arrive rather than spending most of the day in one long, mad, exhaustive cleaning spree to make an otherwise neglected house decent looking.

MEETING AND GREETING
Standing up when a guest or superior arrives is important for giving a warm welcome. If it is simply a neighbor dropping by without warning, they should be shown the same courtesy. Instead of leaving them standing at the door- it's polite to ask if they wish to come inside. As much as time allows, offer them a seat, a drink, a snack, kind words and if needed a listening ear.

OFFERING WATER AND PRASADAM
It is suggested that instead of asking a guest if they want something to eat or drink, offer it to them directly. That's because -if asked- many people are too polite to accept anything, not wishing to impose, but if the prasadam is held right there in front of them, they may be more inclined to accept.

Also, feeding a guest is not the time to try out a new recipe! Use your favorites that have been successfully tested and are well-liked.

It's a good idea to inquire about a longer term guest's dietary preferences or needs.

QUICK PREPS FOR GUESTS
These include hot or iced herbal teas, fresh fruits; lemonade, popcorn, chidwa...Keeping a list of ideas that are easy to make and a well stocked kitchen makes spontaneous preparations easy.

COOL WATER
A quick way to cool water on a hot day- pour it over ice cubes while pouring it into a cup.

OVER NIGHTERS
If there is no guest room, one may sleep on the floor if necessary to accommodate. Japanese style folding mattresses are especially useful for this purpose. They're easy to store in the meantime.

Whether a guest room or whatever room can be made available, the most important things would be cleanliness, good ventilation, quiet, a comfortable bed for sleeping on and easy access to a bathroom. Little extras, such as a shelf full of books, pen and paper, guest towels and an extra stock of toiletries can all add to a guest's comfort (Here's a helpful article of 12 items to have a guest room available).

EXCHANGING FAREWELLS
At least one of the hosts should follow departing visitors to the door. It's also nice to open the door for your guest when they leave and exchange farewells.

LEARNING MORE
With practice, receiving and honoring guests gets easier, especially as one's service mood increases. While out visiting others, it's a good idea to observe how they receive their guests. Sastra also gives information.

THE EXAMPLE OF KING CITRAKETU
"Once upon a time, when the powerful sage named Angirä was traveling all over the universe without engagement, by his sweet will he came to the palace of King Citraketu.

"Citraketu immediately stood up from his throne and offered him worship. He offered drinking water and eatables and in this way performed his duty as a host to a great guest. When the rsi was seated very comfortably, the King, restraining his mind and senses, sat on the ground at the side of the rsi's feet.

"O King Pariksit, when Citraketu, bent low in humility, was seated at the lotus feet of the great sage, the sage congratulated him for his humility and hospitality." -SB 6.14.14-16

EVEN AN ENEMY
There are many stories in our Vedic scripture that point out the importance of being kind to whoever comes to one's home, even if that person is one's enemy, they should be treated in such a way that there are no ill feelings whatsoever. Everyone must be respected, otherwise there may be grave consequences. The Bhagavatam warns:

"A householder who receives guests or visitors with cruel glances, as if to burn them to ashes, is put into the hell called Paryävartana, where he is gazed at by hard-eyed vultures, herons, crows and similar birds, which suddenly swoop down and pluck out his eyes with great force." -sb 5.26.35

THE GUEST AS GOD
The Lord appears before us in many forms. One of which is the guest. We should always remember that within the temple of every living being is the Supersoul witnessing all our activities. With this in mind we may act for His pleasure and expand our hearts for service.

Duties for Householders

The following are collected quotes for the ideal grhastha asrama. More may be found in sastra.

PERFORMING YAJNA
"The best sacrifice recommended in this age is called sankirtana-yajna. This sankirtana-yajna, the chanting of Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare/ Hare Räma, Hare Räma, Räma Räma, Hare Hare, is the best and most inexpensive sacrifice; everyone can adopt it and derive benefit. So these three items, namely charity, sense control and performance of sacrifice, are meant for the householder."

"In the beginning of creation, the Lord of all creatures sent forth generations of men and demigods, along with sacrifices for Visnu, and blessed them by saying, 'Be thou happy by this yajna [sacrifice] because its performance will bestow upon you all desirable things.' The demigods, being pleased by sacrifices, will also please you; thus nourishing one another, there will reign general prosperity for all. In charge of the various necessities of life, the demigods, being satisfied by the performance of yajna [sacrifice], supply all necessities to man. But he who enjoys these gifts, without offering them to the demigods (via Krishna) in return, is certainly a thief. The devotees of the Lord are released from all kinds of sins because they eat food which is offered first for sacrifice. Others, who prepare food for personal sense enjoyment, verily eat only sin." -Bg 3.10-13

WORSHIP OF SAGES, FOREFATHERS, DEMIGODS, AND ALL LIVING BEINGS 
(In Kali yuga all these are automatically satisfied by performance of sankirtana yagna and distribution of prasada)
"One in the gṛhastha order of life should daily worship the sages by Vedic study, the forefathers by offering the mantra svadhā, the demigods by chanting svāhā, all living entities by offering shares of one’s meals, and human beings by offering grains and water. Thus considering the demigods, sages, forefathers, living entities and human beings to be manifestations of My potency, one should daily perform these five sacrifices."- SB 11.17.50 

PRASADAM DISTRIBUTION "All the eatables were first cooked by the wife of Advaita Äcärya. Then Srila Advaita Äcärya personally offered everything to Lord Vishnu." CC Madhya 3.41

Purport: "This is the ideal householder’s life. The husband and wife live together, and the husband works very hard to secure paraphernalia for worshiping Lord Vishnu. The wife at home cooks a variety of foods for Lord Vishnu, and the husband offers it to the Deity. After that, ärati is performed, and the prasädam is distributed amongst family members and guests.

"According to the Vedic principles, there must always be a guest in a householder’s house. In my childhood I have actually seen my father receive not less than four guests every day, and in those days my father’s income was not very great. Nonetheless, there was no difficulty in offering prasädam to at least four guests every day.

"According to Vedic principles, a householder, before taking lunch, should go outside and shout very loudly to see if there is anyone without food. In this way he invites people to take prasädam. If someone comes, the householder offers him prasädam, and if there is not much left, he should offer his own portion to the guest. If no one responds to his call, the householder can accept his own lunch. Thus the householder’s life is also a kind of austerity. Because of this, the householder’s life is called the grhastha-äsrama. Although a person may live with his wife and children happily in Krishna consciousness, he also observes the regulative principles followed in any temple." CC Madhya 3.41p

SEARCHING OUT THE HUNGRY MAN
"It is the duty of a householder to feed first of all the children, the old members of the family, the brähmanas and the invalids. Besides that, an ideal householder is required to call for any unknown hungry man to come and dine before he himself goes to take his meals. He is required to call for such a hungry man thrice on the road. The neglect of this prescribed duty of a householder, especially in the matter of the old men and children, is unpardonable" -SB 1.14.43p

FEEDING DEVOTEES
"The only aim of such saints is to sanctify the houses of the householders, and the householders therefore should feel grateful when such saints and sages appear at their doors. A householder who dishonors such holy orders is a great offender. It is enjoined, therefore, that a householder who does not bow down before a saint at once must undergo fasting for the day in order to neutralize the great offense." SB 1.19.33p

"I do not enjoy the oblations offered by the sacrificers in the sacrificial fire, which is one of My own mouths, with the same relish as I do the delicacies overflowing with ghee which are offered to the mouths of the brähmanas who have dedicated to Me the results of their activities and who are ever satisfied with My prasäda." SB 3.16.

"It is clear from this verse that the Lord eats through the sacrificial fire and the brähmana's mouth. So many articles—grains, ghee, etc.—are offered in sacrifice for the satisfaction of the Lord. The Lord accepts sacrificial offerings from the brähmanas and devotees, and elsewhere it is stated that whatever is given for the brähmanas and Vaisnavas to eat is also accepted by the Lord. But here it is said that He accepts offerings to the mouths of brähmanas and Vaisnavas with even greater relish.

"The best example of this is found in the life of Advaita Prabhu in his dealings with Haridäsa Thäkura. Even though Haridäsa was born of a Muhammadan family, Advaita Prabhu offered him the first dish of prasäda after the performance of a sacred fire ceremony. Haridäsa Thäkura informed him that he was born of a Muhammadan family and asked why Advaita Prabhu was offering the first dish to a Muhammadan instead of an elevated brähmana. Out of his humbleness, Haridäsa condemned himself a Muhammadan, but Advaita Prabhu, being an experienced devotee, accepted him as a real brähmana. Advaita Prabhu asserted that by offering the first dish to Haridäsa Thäkura, he was getting the result of feeding one hundred thousand brähmanas. The conclusion is that if one can feed a brähmna or Vaisnava, it is better than performing hundreds of thousands of sacrifices. In this age, therefore, it is recommended that harer näma [Cc. Ädi 17.21]—chanting the holy name of God—and pleasing the Vaisnava are the only means to elevate oneself to spiritual life." SB 3.16.8p

"The Vedas are situated on the mouth of the Lord, and therefore anyone who is inclined to the Vedic wisdom is certainly situated on the mouth of the Lord, and he is a brähmana." -SB 3.6.30p

"They are trained also like that, that any grhastha, householder, if a sannyäsi comes, immediately he should be received and respected. That is also Vedic culture. A sannyasi should be treated as the children of the society. Everyone. Still there is. If in a village a sannyasi goes, he will get hundreds of invitation: 'Swamiji, please come. Take your bhiksä at my place.' So he has no question of eating and living. So many people will give him shelter." SB 1.5.9-11 lecture, 6/6/69. New Vrndavana

GIVING CHARITY AND COW PROTECTION
"Even fifty years ago, no one would deprive a sädhu of a quart or two of milk, and every householder would give milk like water. For a Sanätanist (a follower of Vedic principles) it is the duty of every householder to have cows and bulls as household paraphernalia, not only for drinking milk, but also for deriving religious principles. The Sanätanist worships cows on religious principles and respects brähmanas. The cow's milk is required for the sacrificial fire, and by performing sacrifices the householder can be happy. The cow's calf not only is beautiful to look at, but also gives satisfaction to the cow, and so she delivers as much milk as possible." SB 1.17.3p

"Therefore, one should give charity in the form of food grains, clothing, etc., to the Vaisnavas and brähmanas, and whenever possible one should arrange for the protection of cows, who are very dear to the Lord." SB 11.11.23-24

DEITY WORSHIP
"Especially for the householder devotees, the path of Deity worship is strongly recommended. As far as possible, every householder, by the direction of the spiritual master, must install the Deity of Vishnu, forms like Rädhä-Krsna, Laksmi-Näräyana or Sitä-Räma especially, or any other form of the Lord, like Nrsimha, Varäha, Gaura-Nitäi, Matsya, Kürma, sälagräma-silä and many other forms of Vishnu, like Trivikrama, Kesava, Acyuta, Väsudeva, Näräyana and Dämodara, as recommended in the Vaiñëava-tantras or Puräëas, and one's family should worship strictly following the directions and regulations of arcana-vidhi. Any member of the family who is above twelve years of age should be initiated by a bona fide spiritual master, and all the members of the household should be engaged in the daily service of the Lord, beginning from morning (4 a.m.) till night (10 p.m.) by performing mangala-ärätrika, niranjana, arcana, püjä, kirtana, srngära, bhoga-vaikäli, sandhyä-ärätrika, patha, bhoga (at night), sayana-ärätrika, etc. Engagement in such worship of the Deity, under the direction of a bona fide spiritual master, will greatly help the householders to purify their very existence and make rapid progress in spiritual knowledge. Simple theoretical book knowledge is not sufficient for a neophyte devotee. Book knowledge is theoretical, whereas the arcana process is practical. Spiritual knowledge must be developed by a combination of theoretical and practical knowledge, and that is the guaranteed way for attainment of spiritual perfection." SB 2.3.22p

HOSPITALITY
“The reception law enjoins that a poor man, who has nothing to offer his guest, should be good enough to offer a straw mat for sitting, a glass of water for drinking and some sweet words. Therefore, to receive a guest, either friend or foe, there is no expense. It is only a question of good manners.”--Sb 1.18.28 purport

"It may be argued that all householders are not very rich and that one cannot receive great saintly persons or preachers because they are always accompanied by their disciples. If a householder is to receive a saintly person, he has to receive his entourage also. It is said in the sästras that Durväsä Muni was always accompanied by sixty thousand disciples and that if there was a little discrepancy in their reception, he would be very angry and would sometimes curse the host. The fact is that every householder, regardless of his position or economic condition, can at least receive saintly guests with great devotion and offer them drinking water, for drinking water is available always. In India the custom is that even an ordinary person is offered a glass of water if he suddenly visits and one cannot offer him foodstuff. If there is no water, then one can offer a sitting place, even if it is on straw mats. And if one has no straw mat, he can immediately cleanse the ground and ask the guest to sit there. Supposing that a householder cannot even do that, then with folded hands he can simply receive the guest, saying, 'Welcome.' And if he cannot do that, then he should feel very sorry for his poor condition and shed tears and simply offer obeisances with his whole family, wife and children. In this way he can satisfy any guest, even if the guest is a saintly person or a king." SB 4.22.11

"Any person who does not receive or feed a guest properly but who personally enjoys eating is put into the hell known as Krmibhojana. There an unlimited number of worms and insects continuously bite him." SB 5.26 summary

"According to the Vedic etiquette, even an enemy who comes to a householder's home should be received in such a gentle way that he forgets that he has come to the home of an enemy. A guest who comes to one's home should be received very politely. If he is unwanted, the householder should not stare at him with blinking eyes, for one who does so will be put into the hell known as Paryävartana after death, and there many ferocious birds like vultures, crows, and coknis will suddenly come upon him and pluck out his eyes." -SB 5.26.35p

"Therefore, through charitable gifts and attention, as well as through friendly behavior and by viewing all to be alike, one should propitiate Me, who abide in all creatures as their very Self." - SB 3.29.27

DIVIDING WEALTH
"Therefore one who is in full knowledge should divide his accumulated wealth in five parts—for religion, for reputation, for opulence, for sense gratification and for the maintenance of his family members. Such a person is happy in this world and in the next." SB 8.19.37

Purport: "The sästras enjoin that if one has money one should divide all that he has accumulated into five divisions—one part for religion, one part for reputation, one part for opulence, one part for sense gratification and one part to maintain the members of his family. At the present, however, because people are bereft of all knowledge, they spend all their money for the satisfaction of their family. Srila Rüpa Gosvämi taught us by his own example by using fifty percent of his accumulated wealth for Krishna, twenty-five percent for his own self, and twenty-five percent for the members of his family. One's main purpose should be to advance in Krishna consciousness. This will include dharma, artha and käma. However, because one's family members expect some profit, one should also satisfy them by giving them a portion of one's accumulated wealth. This is a sästric injunction." SB 8.19.37p

SUPPORTING THE OTHER THREE ORDERS OF LIFE
"The man who lives with a wife has a great responsibility in maintaining the members of the other social orders—the brahmacäris, vänaprasthas and sannyäsis. Except for the grhasthas, or the householders, everyone is supposed to engage in the spiritual advancement of life, and therefore the brahmacäri, the vänaprastha and the sannyäsi have very little time to earn a livelihood. They therefore collect alms from the grhasthas, and thus they secure the bare necessities of life and cultivate spiritual understanding. By helping the other three sections of society cultivate spiritual values, the householder also makes advancement in spiritual life. Ultimately every member of society automatically becomes spiritually advanced and easily crosses the ocean of nescience." SB 3.14.18p

CULTIVATING AND DISTRIBUTING KRSNA CONSCIOUSNESS
"A person who is a householder but is initiated by a sannyäsi has the duty to spread Krsna consciousness at home; as far as possible, he should call his friends and neighbors to his house and hold classes in Krsna consciousness. Holding a class means chanting the holy name of Krsna and speaking from Bhagavad-gitä or Srimad-Bhägavatam. There are immense literatures for spreading Krsna consciousness, and it is the duty of each and every householder to learn about Krsna from his sannyäsi spiritual master. There is a division of labor in the Lord's service. The householder's duty is to earn money because a sannyäsi is not supposed to earn money but is completely dependent on the householder. The householder should earn money by business or by profession and spend at least fifty percent of his income to spread Krsna consciousness; twenty-five percent he can spend for his family, and twenty-five percent he should save to meet emergencies. This example was shown by Rüpa Gosvämi, so devotees should follow it." SB 3.21.31p

GARBHADANA SAMSKARA
"To check the increase of demoniac population, the Vedic civilization enacted so many rules and regulations of social life, the most important of which is the garbhädhäna process for begetting good children. In Bhagavad-gitä Arjuna informed Krsna that if there is unwanted population (varna-sankara), the entire world will appear to be hell. People are very anxious for peace in the world, but there are so many unwanted children born without the benefit of the garbhädhäna ceremony, just like the demons born from Diti. Diti was so lusty that she forced her husband to copulate at a time which was inauspicious, and therefore the demons were born to create disturbances. In having sex life to beget children, one should observe the process for begetting nice children; if each and every householder in every family observes the Vedic system, then there are nice children, not demons, and automatically there is peace in the world. If we do not follow regulations in life for social tranquillity, we cannot expect peace. Rather, we will have to undergo the stringent reactions of natural laws." SB 3.17.15p

KANYA DANA
"Kardama Muni wanted to marry Devahüti in the recognized manner of marriage prescribed in the scriptures. As stated in the Vedic scriptures, the first-class process is to call the bridegroom to the home of the bride and hand her to him in charity with a dowry of necessary ornaments, gold, furniture and other household paraphernalia. This form of marriage is prevalent among higher-class Hindus even today and is declared in the sästras to confer great religious merit on the bride's father. To give a daughter in charity to a suitable son-in-law is considered to be one of the pious activities of a householder." 3.22.16p

PRODUCING A MALE CHILD
"It is said that the father himself becomes the son in another form. The father and son are therefore considered to be nondifferent. A widow who has her son is actually not a widow, because she has the representative of her husband. Similarly, Devahüti is indirectly asking Kardama Muni to leave a representative so that in his absence she might be relieved of her anxieties by a suitable son. A householder is not expected to remain at home for all his days. After getting his sons and daughters married, a householder can retire from household life, leaving his wife in the charge of the grown-up sons. That is the social convention of the Vedic system. Devahüti is indirectly asking that in his absence from home there be at least one male child to give her relief from her anxieties. This relief means spiritual instruction. Relief does not mean material comforts. Material comforts will end with the end of the body, but spiritual instruction will not end; it will go on with the spirit soul. Instruction in spiritual advancement is necessary, but without having a worthy son, how could Devahüti advance in spiritual knowledge? It is the duty of the husband to liquidate his debt to his wife. The wife gives her sincere service to the husband, and he becomes indebted to her because one cannot accept service from his subordinate without giving him something in exchange. The spiritual master cannot accept service from a disciple without awarding him spiritual instruction. That is the reciprocation of love and duty. Thus Devahüti reminds her husband, Kardama Muni, that she has rendered him faithful service. Even considering the situation on the basis of liquidating his debt toward his wife, he must give a male child before he leaves. Indirectly, Devahüti requests her husband to remain at home a few days more, or at least until a male child is born." SB 3.23.53

The Better Half

Helen Andelin, author of Fascinating Womanhood wrote, "A man wants a woman of fine character, one he can place on a pedestal and hold in high regard. He expects her to be good, even better than himself. He hopes she will be: kinder, more patient, forgiving, unselfish, and hold more valiantly to principle. If he is thoughtless, critical or weak, he can overlook these human frailties in himself. But he expects a woman...to be above such things.

“At times a man will shake a woman’s pedestal by suggesting she do something wrong. He may do this deliberately to see if she is as worthy as she appears. In other words, he tests her. What a disappointment if she lowers her standards and falls at his level, and what joy if she remains unshaken. Remaining on the pedestal is proof she belongs there.”

This may be supported by Srimad Bhagavatam which says that a woman is "the power of inspiration for the man. As such the women are more powerful than the man" -SB1.9.27p

In Sri Brhad Bhagavatamrta 3.7.143p also, Krishna, the Supreme Purusa, views His beloved gopis to be greater than Himself:   "The gopis surrendered to Krishna with absolute dedication...; Krishna however, is not nearly as surrendered to them. Krishna may have a high reputation as the most exalted of saintly persons, but in His own opinion...the gopis are much more virtuous. In them is not a trace of cruelty or ingratitude."

There are similar references stating that- of the two, male and female- when joined in holy matrimony, the wife is the better half of the couple which is considered to become like one body.

"We always speak of the goddess of fortune as being placed on the chest of Näräyana. In other words, the wife must remain embraced by her husband. Thus she becomes beloved and well protected. Just as one saves his money and places it under his own personal protection, one should similarly protect his wife by his own personal supervision. Just as intelligence is always within the heart, so a beloved chaste wife should always have her place on the chest of a good husband. This is the proper relationship between husband and wife. A wife is therefore called ardhängani, or half of the body. One cannot remain with only one leg, one hand or only one side of the body. He must have two sides. Similarly, according to nature's way, husband and wife should live together."-SB 4.26.17p

Here are some more examples describing the "better half" in the marriage relationship:

THE SOURCE OF ALL GOOD INTELLIGENCE
SB 4.26.16 and purport states that by having a good wife, a man becomes sobered and thoughtful: "If one gets a chaste wife, accepted through a religious marriage ritual, she can be of great help when one is threatened by the many dangerous situations of life. Actually such a wife can become the source of all good intelligence. With such a good wife, the family's engagement in the devotional service of the Lord actually makes a home a grhastha-asrama, or household dedicated to spiritual cultivation."

THE PROTECTOR OF THE  FORTRESS
SB 3.14.20 says the unity of man and woman is compared to a fortress which is guarded by the chaste wife: "As a fort commander very easily conquers invading plunderers, by taking shelter of a wife one can conquer the senses, which are unconquerable in the other social orders."
PURPORT
"Of the four orders of human society—the student, or brahmacäri order, the householder, or grhastha order, the retired, or vänaprastha order, and the renounced, or sannyäsi order—the householder is on the safe side. The bodily senses are considered plunderers of the fort of the body. The wife is supposed to be the commander of the fort, and therefore whenever there is an attack on the body by the senses, it is the wife who protects the body from being smashed. The sex demand is inevitable for everyone, but one who has a fixed wife is saved from the onslaught of the sense enemies." SB 3.14.20p

THE FAIR SEX
Srimad Bhagavatam 6.18.30 states that the lovely woman inspires the man to procreate and to work hard to support such procreation. "In the beginning of creation, Lord Brahmä, the father of the living entities of the universe, saw that all the living entities were unattached. To increase population, he then created woman from the better half of man's body, for woman's behavior carries away a man's mind." In other words, she is needed to keep the material world going.

FOR CROSSING THE OCEAN OF SAMSARA
SB 3.14.18 states: "As one can cross over the ocean with seagoing vessels, one can cross the dangerous situation of the material ocean by living with a wife.'

THE SOURCE OF LIBERATION
SB 3.14.17 purport describes that "For a conditioned soul, the wife is considered to be the source of liberation because she offers her service to the husband for his ultimate liberation. Conditional material existence is based on sense gratification, and if someone has the good fortune to get a good wife, he is helped by the wife in all respects. If one is disturbed in his conditional life, he becomes more and more entangled in material contamination. A faithful wife is supposed to cooperate with her husband in fulfilling all material desires so that he can then become comfortable and execute spiritual activities for the perfection of life. If, however, the husband is progressive in spiritual advancement, the wife undoubtedly shares in his activities, and thus both the wife and the husband profit in spiritual perfection... A faithful wife and spiritually trained brahmacäri

SHE'S AS GOOD AS FREEDOM
Prabhupada wrote in a letter to a disciple ( LA, 11/8/68): "You prefer to be free, but a devoted wife is as good as freedom. " This is supported further in SB 3.14.19 purport:

"O respectful one, a wife is so helpful that she is called the better half of a man’s body because of her sharing in all auspicious activities. A man can move without anxiety entrusting all responsibilities to his wife."

And during a philosophy discussion: "In the Vedic conception the wife is considered as dharma-patni, religious wife...(She) helps the husband in the matter of his religious life. That is found in, still in Hindu family: the man is worshiping the Deity and the woman is helping about the paraphernalia Deity worship, helping the husband so that he can immediately come into the Deity room and begin worshiping comfortably. So woman should always be engaged to assist the man in every respect in his religious life, in his social life, in his family life. That is real benefit of conjugal life."

Krishna also instructed: "My dear wives of the brahmanas...You can now return to your homes. Engage yourselves in sacrificial activities and be engaged in the service of your husbands and household affairs so that your husbands will be pleased with you, and the sacrifice which they have begun will be properly executed. After all, your husbands are householders, and without your help how can they execute their prescribed duties?" -KB23

REVERED EVEN TODAY

So we can see how a wife may provide many necessary duties that support a man. And by cooperating together they can do wonderful things. A diamond is not as elegant as when enhanced by a golden necklace. The sunset is not as dazzling without a beautiful horizon. Ultimately, each complements the other. And the fortunate women who understand this are revered and glorified down to the present day.

It must have been cold there in my shadow

To never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine.

You always walked a step behind.

I was the one with all the glory.

You were the one with all the strain.

A beautiful face without a name.

A beautiful smile to ease my pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

And everything that I'd like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle

'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings. 

-Jeff Silbar and Larry Henley

MUST GRADUALLY TO BE GIVEN UP
For a man to gradually give up such a lady in the course of human duty undoubtedly gains Lord Krishna's attention: " Even one's wife at home, with whom one is most intimately attached, should be offered for the reception of guests and people in general...

"The idea of giving even one's wife to the service of the public is that one's intimate relationship with his wife, or one's excessive attachment for his wife, by which one thinks his wife to be his better half or to be identical with himself, must gradually be given up...the idea of ownership, even of one's family, must be abandoned. The dream of material life is the cause of bondage in the cycle of birth and death, and therefore one should give up this dream..if one can give up his attachment to such a wife, he conquers the Supreme Personality of Godhead, who is never conquered by anyone.." -Srimad Bhagavatam 7.14.11-12 and purports

Twenty-six Good Qualities

It's been said that "Good manners make a good marriage." Well, the good news is that by following the bhakti yoga path, all godly qualities automatically awaken . That's because the soul is by nature pure goodness, and as our spiritual life unfolds, we naturally becomes attracted toward goodness and become well behaved. It is due to our original nature of loving the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The fruit of loving Krsna is the fruit of the spirit. Below are twenty- six prominent fruits or good qualities described by the acaryas and which Prabhupada calls "the test" for how we are making progress in regaining our spiritual health:

“A pure devotee is naturally qualified with all good qualities. Automatically it comes as he becomes... Just like as a man suffering from fever decreases the degree of fever—he becomes healthy—similarly, with the increase of our degree of devotional service, naturally all the good qualities that is constitutionally existing in the pure soul... Pure soul, being part and parcel, it is naturally very pure“ Bg 6.3 lecture

1. A DEVOTEE IS KIND
“He who sees everything in relation to the Supreme Lord, who sees all living entities as His parts and parcels, and who sees the Supreme Lord within everything, never hates anything nor any being.” Sri Iso6

"So the Vaisnava is so kind that suhrdam sarva-dehinäm. He is kind not only to the human being: to the cats, dogs, to the trees, to the plants, to the insects. A Vaisnava will hesitate to kill even one mosquito." --SB 3.25 lecture, 11/21/74, Bombay

2. DOES NOT QUARREL
“Because we are all individuals sometimes there is disagreement between devotees. When non-devotees quarrel they cannot stop and end up killing each other. But the devotees' disagreement does not last long because they patch it up for Krsna's sake, because they are all working for the same end--Krsna's service.”--letter 3/10/73, Calcutta

"When King Rahügana chastised the exalted devotee Jada Bharata with harsh words, that peaceful, saintly person tolerated it all and replied properly." --SB 5.10.14

“A devotee engaged in chanting the holy name of the Lord should practice forbearance like that of a tree. Even if rebuked or chastised, he should not say anything to others to retaliate. For even if one cuts a tree, it never protests, and even if it is drying up and dying, it does not ask anyone for water."--CC Adi 17.27-28

3. IS TRUTHFUL
"Satyam, truthfulness, means that facts should be presented as they are, for the benefit of others. Facts should not be misrepresented... The truth should be spoken in a straightforward way, so that others will understand actually what the facts are...Truthfulness demands that the facts be presented as they are for the benefit of others. That is the definition of truth." -SB 10.4-5p

"One should not distort the truth for some personal interest. In Vedic literature there are some difficult passages, but the meaning or the purpose should be learned from a bona fide spiritual master. That is the process for understanding the Vedas. Sruti means that one should hear from the authority. One should not construe some interpretation for his personal interest." --Bg 16.1-3p

"One should be so straightforward that he can disclose the real truth even to an enemy." -Bg 13.8-12p

"Although bereft of his riches, fallen from his original position, defeated and arrested by his enemies, rebuked and deserted by his relatives and friends, although suffering the pain of being bound and although rebuked and cursed by his spiritual master, Bali Mahäräja, being fixed in his vow, did not give up his truthfulness. It was certainly with pretension that I spoke about religious principles, but he did not give up religious principles, for he is true to his word."--SB8.22.29-30

4. IS EQUAL TO EVERYONE
"The humble sages, by virtue of true knowledge, sees with equal vision a learned and gentle brähmana, a cow, an elephant, a dog and a dog-eater [outcaste]." Bg 5.18

"Why one should be treated as enemy and as friend? Everyone is servant of God."--morning walk, 11/10/75, Bombay

"Actually, even if one is serving mäyä, in a higher sense he is also a servant of Krishna. Because mäyä is the servant of Krishna, anyone serving mäyä serves Krishna indirectly." --CC Antya 13.133p

5. IS FAULTLESS
"A devotee should be blameless because any offense by the devotee is a scar on the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The devotee’s duty is to be always conscious in his dealings with others, especially with another devotee of the Lord.” SB 3.16.5 purport

Interviewer: How would I recognize a true follower of the Krishna consciousness movement by his behavior? What would his traits be? What would his outward expressions be?
Prabhupäda: Yes. His behavior, he's a perfect gentleman. That's all. You cannot find any fault in him. That is perfect Krishna consciousness.--TV Interview, 7/29/71, Gainesville

"We are following Krishna, the supreme perfect. I may be imperfect. That's a fact. I am imperfect. Just like a child is imperfect. That's a fact. But so long he follows the father, catching his hand, he is perfect. He is perfect." SB 1.15.40 lecture, 12/18/73, LA

6. IS MAGNANIMOUS
"A person who does not actually utilize his human intelligence to get out of the clutches of mäyä, the cycle of birth and death, is accepted as miserly. The exact opposite of miserly is udära, 'very magnanimous.' A brähmana is called udära because he utilizes his human intelligence for spiritual realization. He uses that intelligence to preach Krishna consciousness for the benefit of the public, and therefore he is magnanimous.' --SB 3.31.17p

7. IS MILD
"Lord Caitanya then replied to Gopinätha Äcärya that it was due to a devotee's favor that a stonelike man could be transformed into a mild, flowerlike devotee. Actually Gopinätha Äcärya had sincerely wished that his brother-in-law, Bhattäcärya, would become a devotee of the Lord. He had sincerely desired that the Lord favor Bhattäcärya, and he was glad to see that his desire was fulfilled by Lord Caitanya. ".-TLC 26

"So what is the difference between a demon and devotee? A demon is puffed up. That's all. Falsely. That is demon. And a devotee is submissive, meek and mild. This is the difference."- SB 1.15.34, 12/12/73, LA

8. IS CLEAN
"This is also required. Cleanliness. You should take bath, twice, thrice, at least once. That is hygienic. Bähyäbhyantara-sucih. One should be cleansed. Bähya means externally, and abhyantara, internally. Externally, you take soap, water, soda, and cleanse yourself, body. Take bath, cleanse, keep your clothing very cleansed. Unclean habit will not help you, unclean habit. Cleanliness is godliness. " SB 6.1.13-14, 7/27/71, NY

9. IS WITHOUT FALSE PROPRIETORSHIP
“In fact, Lord Krishna deserves to receive everything that we possess, since He is the ultimate proprietor of everything, including ourselves.” SB 10.74.33

"[The gopis think:] 'I have offered this body to Lord Krsna. He is its owner, and it brings Him enjoyment. Krsna finds joy in seeing and touching this body.' It is for this reason that they cleanse and decorate their bodies.
"'O Arjuna, there are no greater receptacles of deep love for Me than the gopis, who cleanse and decorate their bodies because they consider them Mine.'" --CC Adi 4.182-184

10. WORKS FOR EVERYONE'S BENEFIT
"Some people are genuinely merciful or, like parents, naturally affectionate. Such persons, who devotedly serve even those who fail to reciprocate with them, are following the true, faultless path of religion, and they are true well-wishers." -SB 10.32.18

"The word ätmaupamyena refers to thinking others to be like oneself. One can very intelligently conclude that without devotional service, without becoming Krishna conscious, one cannot be happy. Therefore the duty of all devotees is to preach Krishna consciousness everywhere all over the world, because all living entities without Krishna consciousness are suffering the pangs of material existence. To preach Krishna consciousness is the best welfare activity. Indeed, it is described by Sri Caitanya Mahäprabhu as para-upakära, work for the true benefit of others." SB 7.7.53

"The members of the Krishna consciousness movement are not at all interested in so-called meditation in the Himalayas or the forest, where one will only make a show of meditation, nor are they interested in opening many schools for yoga and meditation in the cities. Rather, every member of the Krishna consciousness movement is interested in going door to door to try to convince people about the teachings of Bhagavad-Gita As It Is, the teachings of Lord Caitanya. That is the purpose of the Hare Krishna movement." SB 7.9.44

11. SATISFIED
"The process of the Supreme Personality of Godhead is very wonderful. One who is intelligent should accept that process and be satisfied with whatever comes, favorable or unfavorable, by His supreme will." SB 4.8.29

"When suffering reversed conditions, the devotee always considers that the reverse conditions are the Lord's concessions. He is never angry with his master; he is always satisfied with the position his master offers. In any case, he continues performing his duty in devotional service." SB5.10.14p

12. IS SURRENDERED TO KRISHNA
“The spiritual science becomes revealed to the devotee from within the heart according to the degree of his surrender to Krishna” -letter, 7/25/70, LA

“The secret of surrendering to Krishna is that such surrendered devotee sees that everything is a part of Krishna’s plan. Whatever is meant to be I am doing. Let me do it with my fullest attention to every detail. Let me become absorbed in such service, never mind what it is. Let all other considerations be forgotten and only my desire to do the thing best for Krishna’s alone pleasure is my motive.”-- letter, 12/19/72

“The living entity, by his constitutional position, is not independent. He must surrender, either unto the Lord or unto material nature.”--SB 2.6.36p

“One is immediately freed from the clutches of mäyä if he seriously and sincerely says, ‘My dear Lord Krishna, although I have forgotten You for so many long years in the material world, today I am surrendering unto You. I am Your sincere and serious servant. Please engage me in Your service.’ Madhya 22.33

“‘It is My vow that if one only once seriously surrenders unto Me, saying “My dear Lord, from this day I am Yours,” and prays to Me for courage, I shall immediately award courage to that person, and he will always remain safe from that time on.’ Madya 22.34

13. HAS NO MATERIAL HANKERING
"O virtuous one, you have only once seen My person, and this is just to increase your desire for Me, because the more you hanker for Me, the more you will be freed from all material desires."---SB 1.6.22

“Detachment from material activities can be effected by spiritual activities, not by material inertia. Material inertia is the negative side of material action, but spiritual activity is not only the negation of material action but the activation of our real life.” SSR1

“There is no stronger obstruction to one’s self-interest than thinking other subject matters to be more pleasing than one’s self-realization.” SB 4.22.32

14. IS SIMPLE
"Everything is going on perfectly, under the control of the Supreme. Sun and moon rise exactly at same time, etc. We simply must cooperate with the plan that is already there. Actually nothing is wanting. We simply have to act according to the directions of the Supreme." --4/19/66 NY lecture

Prabhupäda: Just like these boys, they are practiced to sit down. We have kept two chairs for the visitors. (laughter) We don’t require. We can lie down on the floor. We can use only one or two cloths, that’s all, throughout the whole year. We have no demands, only bare necessities. We don’t smoke, don’t drink. There is no expenditure. Don’t go to cinema, don’t read newspaper or ordinary magazines, nothing. We have got reading matter. Practically we are noncooperating." -rm conversation, 4/23/76, Melbourne

"Generally people do not like to accept plain living and high thinking. That is their unfortunate position....True religion, however, instructs people to be satisfied with the bare necessities of life while cultivating Krishna consciousness." -NOI 2

"An intelligent man in human society should make his own program very simple. If there are suggestions from his friends, children, parents, brothers or anyone else, he should externally agree, saying, "Yes, that is all right," but internally he should be determined not to create a cumbersome life in which the purpose of life will not be fulfilled. " SB 7.14.6

15. IS FIXED
“Steadiness in one’s own position is declared to be actual piety, whereas deviation from one’s position is considered impiety. In this way the two are definitely ascertained.”--SB11.21.2

“To those who are constantly devoted to serving Me with love, I give the understanding by which they can come to Me.” Bg 10.10

“Krsna consciousness means the same hardship we shall take, but take for Krishna.” Bg1.30 lecture, 7/23/73, London

16. CONTROLS HIS SENSES
“Pious life means gradually decreasing the unnecessary bodily demands. That is pious life. That is the sum and substance.” -Bg 7.16 lecture, 4/7/71, Bombay

“One can understand the reality of spiritual life by following strict regulative principles and by controlling the senses. To have control it is necessary that one be nonviolent and truthful, refrain from stealing, abstain from sex life and possess only that which is absolutely necessary for keeping the body and soul together.” -SB 3.29.18p

"In the pursuit of self-realization, one has to follow many rules and regulations to control the mind and the senses and to concentrate the mind on the self. All these procedures are very difficult, bitter like poison, but if one is successful in following the regulations and comes to the transcendental position, he begins to drink real nectar, and he enjoys life.' -Bg 18.37p

17. DOES NOT EAT MORE THAN NECESSARY
“Too much eating means eating more than is required to keep the body and soul together. There is no need for men to eat animals, because there is an ample supply of grains, vegetables, fruits and milk. Such simple foodstuff is considered to be in the mode of goodness according to the Bhagavad-gitä. Animal food is for those in the mode of ignorance. Therefore, those who indulge in animal food, drinking, smoking and eating food which is not first offered to Krsna will suffer sinful reactions.”---Bg6.16 purport

18. IS SOBER
"The mode of goodness, which is the clear, sober status of understanding the Personality of Godhead and which is generally called väsudeva, or consciousness, becomes manifest in the mahat-tattva." -SB 3.26.21

“Death is not at all pleasing, and since everyone is exactly like a condemned man being led to the place of execution, what possible happiness can people derive from material objects or the gratification they provide?”SB 11.10.20

"It is customary throughout the world that a condemned man is offered a sumptuous last meal. For the condemned man, however, such a feast is a chilling reminder of his imminent death, and therefore he cannot enjoy it. Similarly, no sane human being can be satisfied in material life, because death is standing near and may strike at any moment. If one is sitting in one's living room with a deadly snake at one's side, knowing that at any moment the poisonous fangs might pierce the flesh, how can one sit peacefully and watch television or read a book? Similarly, unless one is more or less crazy, one cannot be enthusiastic or even peaceful in material life. Knowledge of the inevitability of death should encourage one to become determined in spiritual life." -SB 11.10.20p

"As the embodied soul continuously passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death. A sober person is not bewildered by such a change." --

19. IS RESPECTFUL
"The next day Mukunda Datta informed Sri Caitanya Mahäprabhu, 'Brahmänanda Bhärati' has come to see You.' Mukunda Datta then asked the Lord, 'Shall I bring him here?'

"Sri Caitanya Mahäprabhu said, 'Brahmänanda Bhärati is like My spiritual master. It is better that I go to him.'” Madhya 10.151-152

20. IS HUMBLE
“Humility means that one should not be anxious to have the satisfaction of being honored by others. The material conception of life makes us very eager to receive honor from others, but from the point of view of a man in perfect knowledge‹who knows that he is not this body, anything, honor or dishonor, pertaining to this body is useless." Bg 13.8-12

"In the Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu, the word dainya (humility) is explained as follows: "When unhappiness, fearfulness and the sense of having offended combine, one feels condemned. This sense of condemnation is described as dinatä, humility". - CC Madhya 2.35

21. IS GRAVE
““Dear mountain, you are very generous. By your gravity only, the whole crust of this earth is properly maintained, although because you are discharging your duties very faithfully, you do not know how to move. Because you are so grave, you do not move hither and thither, nor do you say anything. Rather, you always appear in a thoughtful mood. It may be that you are always thinking of a very grave and important subject matter, but we can guess very clearly what you are thinking of. We are sure that you are thinking of placing the lotus feet of Syämasundara on your raised peaks, as we want to place His lotus feet on our raised breasts.”--KB90

22. IS COMPASSIONATE
"My dear Lord Nrsimhadeva, I see that there are many saintly persons indeed, but they are interested only in their own deliverance. Not caring for the big cities and towns, they go to the Himalayas or the forest to meditate with vows of silence [mauna-vrata]. They are not interested in delivering others. As for me, however, I do not wish to be liberated alone, leaving aside all these poor fools and rascals. I know that without Krsna consciousness, without taking shelter of Your lotus feet, one cannot be happy. Therefore I wish to bring them back to shelter at Your lotus feet".--SB7.9.44

“A Vaisnava is para-duhkha-duhkhi; in other words, he has no personal troubles, but he is very unhappy to see others in trouble. Prahläda Mahäräja said, 'My Lord, I have no personal problems, for I have learned how to glorify Your transcendental qualities and thus enter a trance of ecstasy. I do have a problem, however, for I am simply thinking of these rascals and fools who are busy with mäyä-sukha, temporary happiness, without knowledge of devotional service unto You.' This is the problem faced by a Vainsava. Because a Vaisnava fully takes shelter of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, he personally has no problems, but because he is compassionate toward the fallen, conditioned souls, he is always thinking of plans to save them from their hellish life in this body and the next.”--SB 6.1.6 purport

And Vasudeva Dhatta prayed,"My dear Lord, let me suffer perpetually in a hellish condition, accepting all the sinful reactions of all living entities. Please finish their diseased material life.” CC Madhya 15.163

23. IS FRIENDLY
"A sädhu is not a friend of a particular class, particular community or particular country. No. A sädhu, a saint, is he who is friend of all, not only of human being, even of animals and less than animals. --Bhagavad-gita lecture, 07-20-66, New York

“You are all My friends, and you have properly executed the duties of friends by bringing Me her to Jagannatha Puri and giving me a chance to see Lord Jagannatha in the temple. “Madya 7.10

24. IS POETIC
“Krishna is so merciful that not only did He give the highest benediction to the inhabitants of the earth, but He empowered great saintly persons such as Vyäsadeva to describe His pastimes with beautiful poetic verses.”--11.1.6 purport

"Among the twenty-six qualities of a devotee, one is that he is a kavi, or poet. The subject of a devotee’s chanting and hearing comprises the superexcellent name, form, qualities, and pastimes of Krishna. The qualified kavi receives Krishna consciousness faithfully in paramparä and renders it into excellent poems and discourses." Mukunda Stotra52

25. IS EXPERT
"Your program for training everyone in the proper form of Deity worship and other temple activities is very, very good. We want that all our men shall be able to do everything in Krsna Consciousness—a devotee is expert in all things."- letter 11/13/70, Bombay

Srila Prabhupäda: "A devotee is expert. This means that he is willing to do anything. He does not say because he is a brähmana he cannot do a menial task."

A devotee is always expert because he fully knows the essence of all activities of life and he is convinced of the authoritative scriptures. Bg 12.16p

26. IS SILENT
“Silence does not mean a devotee does not speak; silence means a devotee does not speak nonsense.”-SB 3.27.7

“Silence means that one is always thinking of self-realization. The person in Krishna consciousness observes perfect silence in this sense.” Bg 17.16p

"We have facility for mixing. But don’t take advantage of this assembly and talk all nonsense- "What is the politics?" "What is this?" What is that?" that is called prajalpa. This is the secret. Always talk of Krsna, and you must know you are saving yourself. You are not dying. Because talking of Krsna means you will understand Krsna. And Krsna says,'Anyone who understands Me rightly, then after giving up this body he comes to Me" ... You are going to live forever." SP lecture LA 6/12/72


THE CRITERIA FOR PROGRESS
“Devotee does not mean a rascal, at the same time, a devotee. No. As soon as you become devotee, the test is that all those twenty-six qualities will develop. You have to test yourself, 'Out of the twenty-six qualities, how much I have developed?' If I am lacking, then you must know that you are not developing. This is the test.” --Madhya 20 lecture

PREREQUISITE TO UNDERSTANDING RASA
“The stage of a devotee, which attracts the transcendental affection of the Lord, does not develop unless one has developed the qualities of a brähmana... Those who are less than a brähmana by qualification cannot establish any relation with the Lord, just as fire cannot be kindled from the raw earth unless there is wood, although there is a relation between wood and the earth. “ SB 1.14.34

ACQUIRED BY TRANSCENDENTAL ASSOCIATION
“By study of scripture, you can develop these qualities. That is called scripture. That is authorized scripture. Just like you study some book, and you develop some quality after reading that book, similarly, when you actually have scripture, then you develop all these qualities. And guru, spiritual master, means who teaches you all these things.” CC Madhya lila 20.119-121

DIVINE QUALITIES ALSO LISTED IN GITA 16.1-3:
The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: Fearlessness; purification of one's existence; cultivation of spiritual knowledge; charity; self-control; performance of sacrifice; study of the Vedas; austerity; simplicity; nonviolence; truthfulness; freedom from anger; renunciation; tranquillity; aversion to faultfinding; compassion for all living entities; freedom from covetousness; gentleness; modesty; steady determination; vigor; forgiveness; fortitude; cleanliness; and freedom from envy and from the passion for honor — these transcendental qualities, O son of Bharata, belong to godly men endowed with divine nature.

• fearlessness; surrendered to Krishna
• purification of one's existence; humble
• cultivation of spiritual knowledge; equal to everyone
• charity; magnanimous
• self-control; controls his senses
• performance of sacrifice; works for everyone's benefit
• study of the Vedas; poetic
• austerity; does not eat more than necessary
• simplicity;  simple
• nonviolence;  kind
• truthfulness; truthful
• freedom from anger;  no quarrel
• renunciation; is without false proprietorship
• tranquillity; grave
• aversion to faultfinding; faultless
• compassion for all living entities; compassionate
• freedom from covetousness; satisfied
• gentleness; mild
• modesty; sober
• steady determination;  fixed
• vigor; expert
• forgiveness; respectful
• fortitude; silent
• cleanliness; clean
• and freedom from envy; friendly
• and from the passion for honor; no material hankering

The Position Test

na dhanam, na janam, na sundarim, kavitam jagadisa kamaye
mama janmani janmani isvara, bhavatad bhaktir ahaituki swayi

In this verse from Siksastaka, Lord Caitanya denounces the four principles so appealing to ordinary religionists- good birth or position, wealth, sense gratification and liberation. For these things the Lord is worshiped. But a pure devotee of the Lord is not interested. A pure devotee simply wants to love Krsna through devotional service.

As mentioned above, janam is the also the desire for a good or important position. We want recognition and status.  It is probably the test faced the most often by a woman at home at the present time. Usually it is the women out on the front line serving their guru directly that get any credit, recognition or encouragement. In fact, it is not unusual for women at home to receive discouragement from others, intentionally or unintentionally. Their duties are looked down on thanks to the many years of widespread feminist propaganda against them.

Not long ago, the following situation took place:

"When my Guru Maharaja first arrived at our nearby temple, I planned to get his darshan, but in each attempt I somehow or other failed. He either did not show up, I came at the wrong time, or he arrived late after I had decided to return home. During that time, my husband became very ill, so I finally decided it was better to remain home. While tending to my husband, however, I was surprised by a visitor who, in so many words, told me that I was an impersonalist, because I had not yet taken darshan with my spiritual master.

"Even though I should have simply admitted the truth about my fallen self, I blurted out something like, 'Serving my husband is as good as serving my spiritual master.' And by the incredulous look on his face, however, I could tell that the prabhu was not satisfied with my reply.

"He said, 'Really? How so?'

"Of course, one could easily misunderstand a female devotee, whose activities are often hidden from the public eye, for apparently paying more attention to family matters rather than the temple services and preaching engagements her guru's other disciples are constantly engaged in, but that's because it's not so easy to understand exactly what is going on in the heart. In that regard, the following stories come to mind:

"One day, while staying at the asrama of Sailapurna, an intimate disciple of Sri Yamunacarya, Ramanujacarya observed that his cousin Govinda was lying down upon his guru maharaja's bed after preparing it. Ramanuja must have been disturbed by his cousin's apparently disrespectful behavior, because he went to inform Govinda's guru, Sailapurna, about it. Sailapurna then called and asked Govinda, 'Do you know what happens to someone who sees it fit to lie down upon his own guru's bed?'

"'Yes, such a person is certainly destined for hell.' Govinda replied calmly.

"'Then why you are behaving in this way?' Sailapurna continued.

"Govinda replied, 'Every day, dear Guru Maharaja, I carefully prepare your bed, but then I lie down upon it to make sure it will be comfortable for you and that your rest will be undisturbed. To ensure your satisfaction, I am willing to go to hell if necessary.'

"When Ramanujacarya heard this, he immediately apologised to his beloved cousin for misjudging him.

"Then, shortly after his initiation, Govinda was instructed by Sailapurna to travel with Ramanuja and render services to him instead. Govinda sadly took this instruction, for he was very much attached to directly serving his spiritual master and could hardly bear the separation from him. Ramanuja gradually came to realize his cousin's disatisfaction and therefore told him that he could return to his Guru Maharaja's asrama.

"When Govinda returned, however, Sailapurna wouldn't even look at him, nor call him to take prasadam.

"Finally, Sailapurna's wife, feeling compassion for Govinda, pleaded, 'You may not speak to Govinda, but you must at least feed him!'

"'It is not my duty to feed an animal that has been sold,' was Sailapurna's reply. 'He should take shelter of his new master alone.'

"Govinda overheard this and immediately understood his spiritual master's mind. He returned to Ramanuja. This time, however, he very happily and very meticulously engaged in his service just as if he were serving his guru maharaja.

"So, in the first story, the motive of the devotee was misunderstood, and in the second story, the position of the devotee was misunderstood. Similar to these incidents, HG Satsvarupa Goswami, who in his early days as a disciple had to spend many hours away from the temple to work a desk job, tells the following story that Srila Prabhupada had told to him:

"There was once a faithful wife who had an ugly husband with a morose disposition. One day his wife asked, 'Why are you morose? I do anything you want, and still you feel morose. Why is that?'

"'I wish to have sex with a certain prostitute,' he admitted, 'but she costs thousands of dollars just for a night, and I cannot afford her.'

"The faithful wife said to him, 'Don’t worry. I shall arrange it.'

"She immediately went to the prostitute’s house and began to personally attend her, cleaning her room and performing other such services. When the prostitute came and noticed her activity, the faithful wife explained, 'My husband desires to enjoy you, and I hope that you will take my services as payment, so that he might spend a night with you.'

"The prostitute laughed, 'Don’t you realize that I cost ten thousand dollars a night? How can you ever raise the money?'

"So in addition to serving the prostitute, the wife herself turned to prostitution and eventually raised the required amount of money. She returned to her husband and said, 'All right You can go to that prostitute now,' and he went at once."

"SDG continued, 'Srila Prabhupäda said that although people may say that the wife was crazy and immoral, nevertheless she was unquestionably faithful. ...

'''That afternoon, visiting clients on my job, I walked through the streets in the bliss of responsibility. (Although not serving directly at the temple), I felt deeply entrusted with a duty from my father, my spiritual master, and to discharge it faithfully was my eternal duty. Due to his words I could work at my ordinary civil service job with a firm sense of eternal life because it was God’s work, as confirmed by the spiritual master...

"'I used to go to work chanting on my beads, with the words of the Absolute Truth in my ears and the vision of the spiritual master’s holy form fresh in my mind’s eye.' -- excerpt from "Second Birth" by Satsvarupa Dasa Gowami, BTG #45

"Remembering the lesson of such events, I elaborated for my doubtful visitor why I, too, was not more directly involved with the temple at that time, 'In my experience, following my spiritual master's instructions to serve my husband is non different than having his direct darshan'.

"And since the Lord was now appearing to me in the form of my critical guest, I tried hard to focus on attentive service instead of my personal dishonor."

"Regardless of one’s circumstances, if one fully engages his activities, mind and words in the devotional service of the Lord, he should be understood to be a liberated person.”--Srila Rupa Goswami

You know, Lord,

How I serve You

With great emotional fervor

In the limelight.

You know how eagerly

I speak for You

At a women’s club.

You know how I effervesce

When I promote

A fellowship group.

You know my genuine enthusiasm

At a Bible study.

But how would I react, I wonder,

If You pointed to a basin of water

And asked me to wash

The calloused feet

Of a bent and wrinkled old woman

Day after day,

Month after month,

In a room where nobody saw

And nobody knew.

( by Ruth Harms) 

Thrifty Living

People sometimes wonder how a housewife can avoid having to work a paying job and live within one income. The most important thing is the ability to live on very little and still be content- an ability that comes from hearing about and chanting the holy name of Lord Sri Krishna. Also what helps is really good scrounging skills. Thrifty doesn't mean, however, being always tight with money. Money saved can be spent in Krishna's service. Here's some ways to save money for this purpose:

First of all, don’t throw anything away without thinking about how it may be reused, restored, upcycled, repaired, saved for a rainy day or passed on to someone in need. Before tossing, therefore, it helps to leave a thing out for awhile within view to let the subconscious work on it. If something has been hanging around unused for too long, however, one can make a decision to use it within the next 24 hrs or lose it.

Often, one can try to fix something that needs repair even if it just ends up being a learning experience.  At the same time,  make sure something is worth the time and effort to clean, repair and reuse. For example, instead of collecting empty containers for no reason, remember how they take time and water and soap and so on to clean and store and shuffle around; save only what is useful.

STAYING HOME
Fortunate is the lady who loves to stay home, because doing so is a major way to save money. This includes doing your own housework, cooking from scratch instead of eating out, caring for your own children instead of paying someone to do it for you, and not having to pay for work clothes or accessories or convenience foods or an extra vehicle and gas, maid service and so on to get to a job each day. Besides, isn't it much more fun to spend 10 hrs a day making a home for the people you love and care for rather than 10 hr a day at some work place? Many women I know believe this is so, but without frugality in today's world, they're practically forced to work outside the home.

To do this most successfully, however, it helps to stay close to extended Vaisnava family. They are a very important way to save money and your sanity. Child care, cooking and so on can be shared.  Another recourse is to trade services with neighbors who are trusted friends. Of course, this is not always the case in the western world today. People are moved around a lot and families separated. In that case, support must be found in other ways.

NATURAL BEAUTY
By keeping long hair rather than fancy hair cuts, money is saved (or used for hair ornaments). Men and boys can shave up rather than hair cuts. It doesn't require a barber to do that (although in India, the barber is easily and inexpensively available for expert care and even a massage, as well as a way to keep an honest profession alive).

Unless one is really dependent upon it, skin is better off without makeup. However, for special celebrations it adds a nice touch. 

Along with common sense in regards to health, rising early for mangala artik every morning and plenty of exercise throughout the day are recommended for developing poise, a supernatural vibrancy and a radiant complexion .

HOMEMADE FUN
Walking, bike riding, going camping or swimming and visiting Vaisnava family and friends doesn't have to cost much. Arts and crafts materials and outdoor play equipment go a long way, too, in keeping children engaged.

PRACTICAL SKILLS:
The man of the house can save money by doing his own carpentry and woodwork, plumbing, electric and other household maintenance and repair. Such skills will make him invaluable wherever he goes. It's also a good idea to know about maintaining a car- or to be blessed to have a friend who does.

The lady of the house can take care of all her household cleaning tools and appliances. She can read the manuals that come with them and file them for future reference. Or one may like learning to do without them whenever possible, finding simpler alternatives that can save money and give good exercise.

INSURANCE
Dental insurance - As a family, healthy eating and proper tooth care makes it possible to keep dental costs minimal. Mouth washing after every meal is imperative for everyone, starting the children as soon as they can spit water. 

A small amount of money can be set aside each month for checkups and so on. Once a year checkups may be sufficient for family members who meet this criteria, even though nowadays dentists are pushing people to go twice a year instead.

Medical insurance- Similar to the tooth care plan. Again, this works for persons with enough self control to eat well, get fresh air and sunshine and exercise, drink enough water, keep very clean, and get enough rest and relaxation etc.

Extended family is another type of important insurance we should all strive to get back to. Large, locally established family is great for not only sharing in wealth, property, goods, labor and knowledge, but also provide a natural social security for the aging.

And of course, the very best insurance is to depend on Krishna always, taking shelter of His lotus feet.

MORE
There are many materials available online regarding thrifty living and thrifty tips, especially online. More of my own can be found in other posts.

Lord Vishnu's Definition

A brahmana once asked Lord Vishnu: "Which woman is chaste and what are the characteristics of a chaste woman? Kindly teach me in such a way so that I may thoroughly understand it."

Lord Visnu replied:  "A chaste woman is she who

• renders adoration to her husband with a hundred times more love than what she has for her son;
• fears him like a king
• and treats him like God embodied.
• Who acts like a maid while attending to domestic chores;
• like a prostitute at the time of cohabitation,
• like a mother at the time of feeding, and
• like a minister at the time of crisis by giving good advice.

"A woman may be taken as Pativrata who

• never disobeys her husband
• either mentally,
• verbally,
• bodily
• or even through gestures
• and takes food only after feeding her husband.

"Such a lady is Pativrata who

• adores her husband on whatever beds he sleeps;
• who never nurtures any sense of jealousy for him;
• nor does she ever behave miserly
• nor is ever displeased irrespective of how her husband treats her - respectfully or otherwise;
• who treats both honor or dishonor as equal.

"The chaste lady who considers any other man, however handsome, as her brother, father or son, is a Pativrata."

--from the Padma Purana